Making Friends / How Often to Contact Someone / Lesson 36

LESSON 36 · HOW OFTEN TO CONTACT SOMEONE

Friendships Through Moves and Changes

Thirty-two easy ways to keep friendships through moves and changes, so distance and new lives do not end old bonds.

Change tests friendships. Effort keeps them.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Moves change friendships

Moving, new jobs, marriages and parenthood shift routines. Without effort, friends drift. With effort, they stay.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 2

Share news early

Tell friends before you move or change. Honest notice keeps trust.

TRY THIS
Tell them.

TIP 3

Set a new rhythm

Agree on a weekly or monthly call. A plan makes distance easy.

TRY THIS
Agree.

TIP 4

Use video calls

Seeing faces keeps closeness. Schedule them like meetings.

TRY THIS
Book one.

TIP 5

Send small moments

Photos of your day, your street or your lunch. Small windows feel intimate.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 6

Plan visits

Look ahead to a visit. Dates in the calendar keep hope alive.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 7

Do things together online

Watch a film, play a game or cook the same recipe. Shared activity helps.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 8

Write letters or cards

A card is a lovely surprise across miles.

TRY THIS
Post one.

TIP 9

Stay curious about their new life

Ask about their new place, job or routine. Interest bridges gaps.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 10

Make new friends too

It is healthy to build local friendships. Do not feel guilty.

TRY THIS
Be open.

TIP 11

Introduce your friends

If possible, connect old and new friends. Circles grow.

TRY THIS
Introduce.

TIP 12

Be patient with changes

Both of you are adjusting. Give grace.

TRY THIS
Be kind.

TIP 13

Script: planning

I will call you every Sunday evening, if that suits you. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: sharing

Here is a photo of my new place, what do you think? Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: asking

How is your new job treating you? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: visiting

I would love to come and visit you in spring. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Distance is just a number, we will stay close. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: waiting for them to call

You can start too, so reach out.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 19

Mistake: making plans that are too grand

Keep plans realistic, so choose small ones.

TRY THIS
Be realistic.

TIP 20

Mistake: comparing old and new friendships

Each has a place, so avoid comparisons.

TRY THIS
Appreciate both.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when time zones are tricky

Pick a fixed slot or use voice notes. Be flexible.

TRY THIS
Schedule.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you feel left behind

Say how you feel gently and plan a catch-up. Honest words help.

TRY THIS
Speak.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when a friend changes a lot

Get curious about who they are now. People grow.

TRY THIS
Be curious.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when money limits visits

Plan low-cost trips or video dates. Creative options exist.

TRY THIS
Be creative.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when contact fades

Reach out warmly and suggest a fresh rhythm. It is never too late.

TRY THIS
Reconnect.

TIP 26

Drill: schedule a call

Schedule a call with a friend who has moved. Put it in your calendar.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 27

Drill: send a photo update

Send a small photo update of your day. Ask for one in return.

TRY THIS
Send.

TIP 28

Drill: plan a visit

Pick a date for a visit and tell your friend. Save for it.

TRY THIS
Plan.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

PLAN

“I will call you every Sunday.”

SHARE

“Here is a photo of my new place.”

ASK

“How is your new job?”

VISIT

“I will come and see you in spring.”

THANK

“Thanks for staying close.”

CLOSE

“Distance is just a number.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Share your news

DAY 2
Set a rhythm

DAY 3
Use video calls

DAY 4
Plan visits

DAY 5
Share small moments

DAY 6
Make new friends too

DAY 7
Stay patient

Further reading

• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• Together (Vivek Murthy)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.