Making Friends / How Often to Contact Someone / Lesson 28

LESSON 28 · HOW OFTEN TO CONTACT SOMEONE

Video Calls for Long Distance

Thirty-two easy ways to use video calls for long distance, so faraway friends still feel close.

Faces keep distance small. Plan, show up, enjoy.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Faces matter

Seeing a friend’s face and smile makes distance feel smaller. Regular video calls keep bonds strong.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 2

Pick a regular time

Agree on a weekly or monthly slot. Regular times become habits.

TRY THIS
Schedule it.

TIP 3

Mind time zones

Use a converter and choose a time that suits both. Be fair.

TRY THIS
Check zones.

TIP 4

Check your tech

Test camera, sound and internet beforehand. Smooth tech saves stress.

TRY THIS
Test it.

TIP 5

Find good light

Face a window or lamp. Light shows your smile.

TRY THIS
Light up.

TIP 6

Put distractions away

Close tabs and silence your phone. Presence is the gift.

TRY THIS
Focus.

TIP 7

Share something visual

Show your home, pet, meal or view. Visuals bring distance closer.

TRY THIS
Show them.

TIP 8

Do things together

Cook, craft, play online games or watch a show at the same time. Shared activity helps.

TRY THIS
Do something.

TIP 9

Keep calls manageable

Thirty to sixty minutes is lovely. Longer can tire people.

TRY THIS
Set a length.

TIP 10

Ask good questions

Ask about their day, their town and their plans. Deep questions help too.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 11

Plan visits

Look ahead to a visit. Hope brightens the miles.

TRY THIS
Plan one.

TIP 12

End with the next date

Say, same time next week? Predictability is comforting.

TRY THIS
Set it.

TIP 13

Script: planning

Shall we have a video call on Sunday evening? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: greeting

It is so good to see your face! Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: sharing

Let me show you my new flat, I am so excited. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: asking

How is life over there, tell me everything? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for making time, same time next week? Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: cancelling often

Reliable calls build trust, so keep your slot.

TRY THIS
Be reliable.

TIP 19

Mistake: ignoring time zones

Late calls tire people, so find a fair time.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when the connection is poor

Switch to audio or try again later. Do not stress.

TRY THIS
Adapt.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say

Share a photo, a story or a question list. Do an activity together.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you feel self-conscious

Hide your self view and look at their face. Relax.

TRY THIS
Hide it.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when schedules clash

Offer rotating times or a monthly slot. Flexibility helps.

TRY THIS
Be flexible.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you miss them badly

Say so kindly and plan a visit. Naming feelings helps.

TRY THIS
Share feelings.

TIP 25

Drill: schedule a call

Schedule a video call with a faraway friend this week. Put it in the calendar.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 26

Drill: plan a shared activity

Plan a shared activity like cooking or a film. Try it.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 27

Drill: make a question list

Write ten questions to ask on calls. Keep them handy.

TRY THIS
Write.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

PLAN

“Shall we have a video call on Sunday?”

GREET

“It is so good to see your face.”

SHARE

“Let me show you my new flat.”

ASK

“How is life over there?”

THANK

“Thanks for making time.”

CLOSE

“Same time next week?”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick a regular time

DAY 2
Check the tech

DAY 3
Find good light

DAY 4
Put distractions away

DAY 5
Share something visual

DAY 6
Do things together

DAY 7
Plan the next one

Further reading

• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• Together (Vivek Murthy)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.