Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 10

LESSON 10 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds

Thirty-two easy ways to arrive early and meet the early birds, because the first ten minutes are the friendliest.

Early is easier. Small groups form first.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Early arrivals are friendly

People who come early are often organisers and regulars who like helping. It is a calm time to meet.

TRY THIS
Arrive early.

TIP 2

Aim for ten to fifteen minutes early

Enough time to settle without waiting too long. Plan your journey well.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 3

Greet with a smile

A smile and a hello start things. Say your name.

TRY THIS
Smile.

TIP 4

Say you are new

Newness invites kindness. Say, it is my first time here.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 5

Offer to help set up

Chairs, tables, tea. A task lowers shyness and shows kindness.

TRY THIS
Offer.

TIP 6

Ask simple questions

Where did you hear about this? How long have you been coming? Easy questions work.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 7

Learn names early

Repeat names as you hear them. Early names help later.

TRY THIS
Use names.

TIP 8

Find the organiser

Introduce yourself and thank them. Organisers can connect you.

TRY THIS
Find them.

TIP 9

Choose a good spot

Sit or stand near others, not in a corner. A central spot invites chat.

TRY THIS
Choose well.

TIP 10

Put your phone away

Look around and be open. Phones signal closed.

TRY THIS
Pocket it.

TIP 11

Notice who looks friendly

Look for warm faces and open posture. Talk to them.

TRY THIS
Pick one.

TIP 12

Stay until it starts

Early chat leads into the session smoothly. Do not retreat.

TRY THIS
Stay.

TIP 13

Script: greeting

Hi, I am Sam, is this the right place for the group? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: helping

Can I help set up the chairs? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: new

It is my first time here, so any tips are welcome. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: chat

How did you hear about this group? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for the warm welcome, nice to meet you. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: arriving late

Late arrivals can feel awkward, so leave extra time.

TRY THIS
Leave early.

TIP 19

Mistake: arriving too early

Very early may be awkward if the venue is closed, so aim for ten minutes.

TRY THIS
Time it.

TIP 20

Mistake: hiding in a corner

Hiding keeps people away, so sit where you can see and be seen.

TRY THIS
Join.

TIP 21

Mistake: staring at your phone

It signals closed, so keep it away.

TRY THIS
Look up.

TIP 22

Mistake: waiting to be spoken to

Say hello first, so you get a friendlier start.

TRY THIS
Speak first.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when no one is there yet

Greet the organiser or the venue staff. Chat with them.

TRY THIS
Greet.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when everyone seems to know each other

Ask for help, say you are new and listen. Regulars love explaining.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you feel shy

Prepare one opening line and breathe. Early arrivals are gentle.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when public transport is unreliable

Leave earlier or choose another way. Tell the organiser if delayed.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when you arrive and feel out of place

Give it ten minutes. Many feel better when the group fills.

TRY THIS
Wait.

TIP 28

Drill: arrive early once

Arrive early at your next group and speak to one person. Note the feeling.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 29

Drill: write three openers

Write three simple opening lines for early arrivals. Memorise one.

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Write.

TIP 30

Drill: offer a task

Offer to help set up at your next event. Do it.

TRY THIS
Offer.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

GREET

“Hi, I am new, is this the right place?”

ASK

“Can I help set up?”

SHARE

“It is my first time here.”

CHAT

“Where did you hear about this?”

THANK

“Thanks for the welcome.”

CLOSE

“Nice to meet you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Plan to arrive early

DAY 2
Say hello

DAY 3
Offer help

DAY 4
Ask simple questions

DAY 5
Learn names

DAY 6
Stay near the entrance

DAY 7
Join the circle

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.