Contact the Organiser First
Thirty-two easy ways to contact the organiser first, a simple step that makes your first visit warm and easy.
Organisers love newcomers. A hello opens the door.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Organisers want you to feel welcome
They plan events so people join. A message from a newcomer makes their day and helps them help you.
Message them.
Find the contact
Look for an email, form or group message option. Use the official one.
Find it.
Write a short hello
Say your name, that you are new, and what interests you. Keep it to three lines.
Write it.
Ask two easy questions
Ask about the first-timer experience and anything to bring. Easy for them to answer.
Ask two.
Share a bit about you
Say, I am a bit nervous but keen. Honesty makes people kind.
Be honest.
Ask if there is a buddy
Some groups assign a friendly member to new people. Ask.
Ask.
Ask for an introduction
Say, could you introduce me to one or two people when I arrive? Many gladly do.
Ask kindly.
Confirm date and time
Confirm details so you do not miss anything. Clarity helps.
Confirm.
Say thank you
Thank them for their time. Gratitude builds goodwill.
Thank.
Arrive and say hello
Find the organiser first on arrival. A familiar name helps.
Greet.
Offer to help
Say, I am happy to help with anything. Small offers go far.
Offer.
Stay in touch
After the visit send a short thanks. Keep the thread.
Send thanks.
Script: introducing
Hi, I am Sam, new to the area and keen to join. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking
Is there anything I should bring to my first session? Say it politely.
Use it.
Script: honesty
I am a little nervous, so any tips would be lovely. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: introduction
Could you introduce me to one or two people when I arrive? Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for the welcome, I will see you on Saturday. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: writing a long message
Keep it short, so the organiser can reply fast.
Trim.
Mistake: demanding special treatment
Ask politely, not demand, so be gracious.
Be kind.
Mistake: not confirming
You may arrive at the wrong time, so check details.
Confirm.
Mistake: arriving without telling
Surprising organisers is less helpful, so message first.
Message first.
Mistake: apologising too much
You do not need to say sorry for asking, so say thanks.
Skip sorry.
Troubleshoot: when the organiser does not reply
Wait a few days and message once more, or attend an open event. Try other members.
Follow up.
Troubleshoot: when there is no contact info
Look for a social page or a venue contact. Ask a member.
Search.
Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward writing
Use a template and edit. Short is fine.
Use a template.
Troubleshoot: when the organiser seems cold
Keep it polite, attend once and judge the group, not the message. Many are busy.
Be fair.
Troubleshoot: when it is a large group
Ask for a first-timers contact or a buddy. Big groups often have one.
Ask.
Drill: draft your hello
Write a three-line hello to an organiser. Save it.
Write.
Drill: send one message
Send one message to an organiser this week. Note the reply.
Send.
Drill: prepare two questions
Write two good questions for first-time visits. Keep them.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Hi, I am new and would love to join.”
“Is there anything I should bring?”
“I am a bit nervous about my first time.”
“Could you introduce me to someone?”
“Thanks for the welcome.”
“See you on Saturday.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Find the contact
Write a short hello
Ask two questions
Share a little about you
Ask for an introduction
Thank them
Arrive and say hello
Further reading
- The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
- Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Join Groups”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Check the Group BeforehandNext: Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds →
- Why Groups Beat One-on-One for Making Friends
- Interest Groups That Work
- Local Clubs and Community Groups
- Online Groups That Lead to Real Meet-Ups
- Sports, Games and Creative Groups
- Groups for Introverts
- Try Three Before You Choose One
- Check the Group Beforehand
- Contact the Organiser First
- Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds
- Take a Friend for the First Visit
- What to Wear and What to Bring
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Give Yourself Permission to Leave
- How to Join a Group Conversation
- Find the Person Who Is Standing Alone
- Ask the Organiser for an Introduction
- Offer to Help Set Up
- Ask Questions to Learn the Group Culture
- Use Group Activities as Icebreakers
- Stay for the After-Event Chat
- Show Up Consistently
- Remember Names and Stories
- Volunteer for Small Roles
- Contribute Ideas Gently
- Welcome Newcomers Yourself
- Celebrate Group Wins
- Follow Up With People Between Meetings
- What to Do When a Group Feels Cliquey
- Handle Being the Newest Person
- Handle a Difficult Member
- When You Feel Left Out
- Know When a Group Is Not Right
- Leave a Group Without Drama
- Invite One Person for Coffee After Group
- Organise a Small Spin-Off Meet-Up
- Start Your Own Group
- Host a Gathering at Your Place
- Keep the Group Chat Alive
- Your Group Plan
