Plan Your First Three Sentences
Thirty-two easy ways to plan your first three sentences, so you never freeze when you walk into a group.
Three sentences open any door. Plan them and breathe.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why three sentences
A tiny script reduces panic. When you know the first three lines, you only need to start.
Write them.
Sentence one: say who you are
Hi, I am Sam, I am new here. Simple and warm.
Practise it.
Sentence two: ask a question
How long have you been coming? Easy to answer.
Ask it.
Sentence three: show interest
What do you enjoy most about it? Invites a story.
Use it.
Add a reason you came
I came because I love hiking. A reason adds colour.
Add one.
Say them aloud at home
Practise in a mirror or in the car. Your mouth must learn them.
Practise.
Smile as you say them
A smile makes simple words warm. Relax your shoulders.
Smile.
Use eye contact
A short look at the person. Look away and return.
Look kindly.
Listen to the answer
Do not rush the next sentence. Let them speak.
Listen.
Follow the flow
After the three, follow their lead with questions. You will be fine.
Go with it.
Have a spare line
Prepare one extra: what brought you here? Backup helps.
Prepare.
Prepare an exit line
It was lovely to meet you, I will say hello to someone else. A graceful exit.
Prepare.
Adjust to the group
Change the lines slightly for a book club or a sports group. Make it fit.
Adapt.
Script: sentence one
Hi, I am Sam, I am new here. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: sentence two
How long have you been coming to this group? Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: sentence three
What do you enjoy most about it? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: reason
I came because I love hiking and wanted to meet people. Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: exit
It was lovely to meet you, I will say hello to others now. Say it politely.
Use it.
Mistake: memorising a long speech
Short lines are easier, so keep to three.
Keep it short.
Mistake: asking yes or no questions only
Use how or what, so ask open questions.
Open up.
Mistake: freezing when the plan fails
Be flexible, so keep calm and improvise.
Relax.
Troubleshoot: when you forget your lines
Smile and say, I am a little nervous, how are you finding it? Honesty works.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when they answer shortly
Ask another easy question or try someone else. Not every chat clicks.
Move on.
Troubleshoot: when you feel embarrassed
Remember most people are friendly. A little awkwardness is normal.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when it is a noisy room
Move closer and keep sentences short. Speak clearly.
Be clear.
Troubleshoot: when English is not your first language
Prepare simple lines and say your name slowly. People are kind.
Be patient.
Drill: write your three
Write your three sentences on a card. Read it before going.
Write.
Drill: practise with a mirror
Say your lines to a mirror five times. Smile.
Practise.
Drill: use them once this week
Use your lines on one real new person this week. Note the result.
Do it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Hi, I am Sam, I am new here.”
“How long have you been coming?”
“What do you enjoy most about it?”
“I came because I love hiking.”
“Thanks for chatting.”
“Nice to meet you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Write three sentences
Say them aloud
Smile
Say sentence one
Ask sentence two
Listen
Follow the flow
Further reading
- The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
- Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Join Groups”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: What to Wear and What to BringNext: Give Yourself Permission to Leave →
- Why Groups Beat One-on-One for Making Friends
- Interest Groups That Work
- Local Clubs and Community Groups
- Online Groups That Lead to Real Meet-Ups
- Sports, Games and Creative Groups
- Groups for Introverts
- Try Three Before You Choose One
- Check the Group Beforehand
- Contact the Organiser First
- Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds
- Take a Friend for the First Visit
- What to Wear and What to Bring
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Give Yourself Permission to Leave
- How to Join a Group Conversation
- Find the Person Who Is Standing Alone
- Ask the Organiser for an Introduction
- Offer to Help Set Up
- Ask Questions to Learn the Group Culture
- Use Group Activities as Icebreakers
- Stay for the After-Event Chat
- Show Up Consistently
- Remember Names and Stories
- Volunteer for Small Roles
- Contribute Ideas Gently
- Welcome Newcomers Yourself
- Celebrate Group Wins
- Follow Up With People Between Meetings
- What to Do When a Group Feels Cliquey
- Handle Being the Newest Person
- Handle a Difficult Member
- When You Feel Left Out
- Know When a Group Is Not Right
- Leave a Group Without Drama
- Invite One Person for Coffee After Group
- Organise a Small Spin-Off Meet-Up
- Start Your Own Group
- Host a Gathering at Your Place
- Keep the Group Chat Alive
- Your Group Plan
