Check the Group Beforehand
Thirty-two easy ways to check the group beforehand, so your first visit feels safe and welcome.
A little research calms nerves. Know before you go.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Research reduces fear
Knowing what to expect lowers worry. Ten minutes of checking can save an hour of nerves.
Check first.
Read the description
Look at the purpose, level, size and style. Does it fit you?
Read it.
Look at photos
Photos show the crowd and the venue. They help you picture yourself there.
Look.
Read reviews or comments
See what members say. Warm comments are good signs.
Read them.
Check the organiser
Look for a clear, friendly organiser with good communication.
Check.
Check the venue
Is it public, accessible and safe? Look at the map and street view.
Check it.
Check the cost
Is there a fee? Know what you pay and what you get.
Check cost.
Check the time and length
Make sure it fits your day. Plan how long you will stay.
Check time.
Check the dress and items
Do you need special clothes or equipment? Prepare.
Check.
Check accessibility
Look for ramps, quiet rooms and clear info. Ask if unsure.
Ask.
Message the organiser
Send a short hello with questions. Organisers like interest.
Message them.
Plan your route
Check travel times, parking and public transport. Add a buffer.
Plan it.
Script: checking
What is the group like for first-timers? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: asking
Do I need to bring anything with me? Say it politely.
Use it.
Script: venue
Is the venue easy to find, and is there parking? Say it clearly.
Use it.
Script: planning
I will arrive ten minutes early to say hello. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for the info, I am looking forward to it. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: arriving without checking
Surprises add stress, so spend ten minutes researching.
Check.
Mistake: trusting only one source
Check several places for a balanced view.
Compare.
Mistake: ignoring safety
Check the venue and reviews. Safety first.
Be careful.
Mistake: over-researching
Do not spend hours. Ten minutes is enough.
Stop.
Mistake: not telling anyone where you go
Share your plan with a friend, so stay safe.
Tell someone.
Troubleshoot: when there is little information
Message the organiser or attend a taster. Ask your questions.
Ask.
Troubleshoot: when reviews are mixed
Look for patterns. Visit once and decide.
Test it.
Troubleshoot: when the venue is hard to reach
Ask about other options or carpool. Think creatively.
Ask.
Troubleshoot: when you feel anxious
Check again, then breathe. Bring a friend if possible.
Calm down.
Troubleshoot: when it seems too good to be true
Be cautious about pressure or payments. Walk away if unsure.
Stay safe.
Drill: ten-minute research
Set a timer for ten minutes and research one group. Write three notes.
Do it.
Drill: write your question list
Write three questions for the organiser. Send them.
Write.
Drill: map the route
Check the route and travel time to your first group. Add buffer.
Plan.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“What is the group like?”
“Do I need to bring anything?”
“Is the venue easy to find?”
“I will arrive ten minutes early.”
“Thanks for the info.”
“See you soon.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Read the page
Look at photos
Read reviews
Check the venue
Check cost and time
Message the organiser
Plan your route
Further reading
- The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
- Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Join Groups”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Try Three Before You Choose OneNext: Contact the Organiser First →
- Why Groups Beat One-on-One for Making Friends
- Interest Groups That Work
- Local Clubs and Community Groups
- Online Groups That Lead to Real Meet-Ups
- Sports, Games and Creative Groups
- Groups for Introverts
- Try Three Before You Choose One
- Check the Group Beforehand
- Contact the Organiser First
- Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds
- Take a Friend for the First Visit
- What to Wear and What to Bring
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Give Yourself Permission to Leave
- How to Join a Group Conversation
- Find the Person Who Is Standing Alone
- Ask the Organiser for an Introduction
- Offer to Help Set Up
- Ask Questions to Learn the Group Culture
- Use Group Activities as Icebreakers
- Stay for the After-Event Chat
- Show Up Consistently
- Remember Names and Stories
- Volunteer for Small Roles
- Contribute Ideas Gently
- Welcome Newcomers Yourself
- Celebrate Group Wins
- Follow Up With People Between Meetings
- What to Do When a Group Feels Cliquey
- Handle Being the Newest Person
- Handle a Difficult Member
- When You Feel Left Out
- Know When a Group Is Not Right
- Leave a Group Without Drama
- Invite One Person for Coffee After Group
- Organise a Small Spin-Off Meet-Up
- Start Your Own Group
- Host a Gathering at Your Place
- Keep the Group Chat Alive
- Your Group Plan
