Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 40

LESSON 40 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Your Group Plan

Thirty-two easy steps to build your group plan, a simple page that helps you join, belong and make real friends.

A plan keeps you going. Keep it simple and kind.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Plans help

A short plan turns good wishes into action. It keeps you moving when nerves arrive.

TRY THIS
Write one.

TIP 2

Choose your goal

Example: make two friends in three months. Clear goals help.

TRY THIS
Choose.

TIP 3

List your interests

List five interests and find groups for each. Connect interest to action.

TRY THIS
List.

TIP 4

Pick three groups to try

Choose three groups and book first visits. Trial before you commit.

TRY THIS
Pick.

TIP 5

Schedule your visits

Put dates in your calendar. Scheduled plans happen.

TRY THIS
Schedule.

TIP 6

Prepare an exit line

Plan a kind way to leave. It reduces pressure.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

TIP 7

Plan to stay for the after-chat

Decide to stay twenty minutes after. It helps connections.

TRY THIS
Plan it.

TIP 8

Choose one person to follow up with

After each visit pick one person to message. Keep it light.

TRY THIS
Pick one.

TIP 9

Plan a coffee invite

By the third visit invite one person for coffee. Plan the words.

TRY THIS
Plan it.

TIP 10

Review monthly

Ask what worked and what to change. Adjust your plan.

TRY THIS
Review.

TIP 11

Celebrate your steps

Mark each success, even small. Celebrate courage.

TRY THIS
Celebrate.

TIP 12

Script: goal

I will join one group this month and go three times. Say it firmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: opener

Hi, I am new here, how long have you been coming? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: invitation

Would you like to grab a coffee after the next session? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: review

I will check my plan on the first Sunday of each month. Say it calmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: closing

My plan is working, and I feel proud. Say it with a smile.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Mistake: judging too soon

Give each group three visits, so be fair.

TRY THIS
Be patient.

TIP 18

Troubleshoot: when you feel nervous

Bring a friend, arrive early and use your openers. Nerves fade with practice.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when no group fits

Start your own small group. Many begin with friends.

TRY THIS
Start one.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when time is short

Choose a monthly group and keep contact by message. Fit your life.

TRY THIS
Adjust.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you lose motivation

Shrink the plan to one visit a month. Small is okay.

TRY THIS
Shrink.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you need support

Tell a friend your plan and ask them to check in. Accountability helps.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 23

Drill: write your group plan

Write a one-page plan with goal, groups, dates and openers. Put it where you see it.

TRY THIS
Write.

TIP 24

Drill: book your first visit

Book your first group visit today. Put it in the calendar.

TRY THIS
Book.

TIP 25

Drill: set a review date

Set a date next month to review your plan. Keep it.

TRY THIS
Schedule.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

GOAL

“I will join one group this month.”

STEP

“I will go three times.”

REACH

“I will invite one person for coffee.”

REVIEW

“I will check my plan monthly.”

THANK

“Thanks for supporting me.”

CLOSE

“My plan is working.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose a goal

DAY 2
Pick groups to try

DAY 3
Schedule visits

DAY 4
Prepare openers

DAY 5
Plan one coffee invite

DAY 6
Review monthly

DAY 7
Celebrate

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Join Groups lessons

More Making Friends topics →

These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.