Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 16

LESSON 16 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Find the Person Who Is Standing Alone

Thirty-two easy ways to find the person standing alone, a kind move that often leads to a lovely friendship.

Someone is waiting for a hello. Be that hello.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Solo people are friendly

Someone standing alone is often hoping for a friendly face. They are usually relieved when you approach.

TRY THIS
Look for them.

TIP 2

Scan the room

Look around for people by walls, near drinks or on phones. They may be waiting.

TRY THIS
Scan.

TIP 3

Walk over with a smile

Approach calmly, smile and say hello. You are doing a kindness.

TRY THIS
Go.

TIP 4

Say hello

Hi, I am Sam. Are you new too? Simple and warm.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 5

Ask a simple question

What brought you here? Everyone has a story.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 6

Share your own nerves

Say, I am a bit nervous as well. It builds quick connection.

TRY THIS
Be honest.

TIP 7

Offer something small

Offer to get a drink or show them around. A small act helps.

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Offer.

TIP 8

Introduce them to others

Bring them into your conversation. Inclusion is lovely.

TRY THIS
Introduce.

TIP 9

Stay for a few minutes

Do not leave straight away. Give the chat time to grow.

TRY THIS
Stay.

TIP 10

Exchange contacts if you click

If you enjoy it, swap details. A friendship may start.

TRY THIS
Swap.

TIP 11

Invite them next time

Say, shall we sit together next week? A plan strengthens the bond.

TRY THIS
Invite.

TIP 12

Notice quiet signals

Some people want space. Respect gentle signals.

TRY THIS
Read cues.

TIP 13

Script: greeting

Hi, I am Sam, are you new here too? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: asking

What brought you to this group today? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: sharing

I am a little nervous as well, so it is nice to meet you. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: inviting

Shall we grab a drink together? Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Let us sit together next week, it was lovely to chat. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: approaching with pity

Pity feels bad, so approach as an equal.

TRY THIS
Be friendly.

TIP 19

Mistake: crowding them

Give space, so stand at a comfortable distance.

TRY THIS
Be gentle.

TIP 20

Mistake: asking too many questions

It can feel like an interview, so share too.

TRY THIS
Balance.

TIP 21

Mistake: ignoring them if they seem shy

Shy people need kindness most, so smile and try.

TRY THIS
Persist gently.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when they seem uninterested

Smile, say it was nice to meet you and move on. Respect.

TRY THIS
Be polite.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you are the one alone

Pick a friendly looking person and ask a simple question. Or ask the organiser.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when they talk too much

Listen kindly, then politely move on after a while. Use an exit line.

TRY THIS
Exit kindly.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward

Remember you are being kind. Breathe and speak.

TRY THIS
Breathe.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when language is a barrier

Use simple words, gestures and smiles. Warmth crosses language.

TRY THIS
Be warm.

TIP 27

Drill: find one person alone

At your next event, find one person standing alone and say hello. Note how it feels.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 28

Drill: prepare an opening line

Prepare a kind line for approaching someone. Keep it simple.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

TIP 29

Drill: follow up

After meeting, send a short message to a person you met. Strengthen the link.

TRY THIS
Message.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

GREET

“Hi, are you new too?”

ASK

“What brought you here?”

SHARE

“I am a bit nervous as well.”

INVITE

“Shall we grab a drink together?”

THANK

“Thanks for chatting.”

CLOSE

“Let us sit together next time.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Scan the room

DAY 2
Spot someone alone

DAY 3
Walk over

DAY 4
Smile and greet

DAY 5
Ask a simple question

DAY 6
Share a little

DAY 7
Invite them along

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.