Handle Being the Newest Person
Thirty-two easy ways to handle being the newest person, from first-day nerves to feeling at home.
Everyone was new once. Time and kindness help.
28 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Newness is normal
Everyone starts as the new person. Feeling awkward does not mean you are doing badly.
Be kind to yourself.
Say you are new
Say it lightly and people will help. Honesty is charming.
Say it.
Ask for help
Ask people to explain rules or routines. Most love to help.
Ask.
Listen and learn
Watch how the group works. Notice names, habits and jokes.
Observe.
Be patient with yourself
Friendship takes weeks. Do not expect instant belonging.
Be patient.
Show up regularly
Repeated presence builds familiarity. Aim for at least three visits.
Return.
Smile often
A smile makes up for many awkward moments.
Smile.
Offer small help
Handing out cups or tidying chairs is enough. It shows kindness.
Help.
Share a little about you
Say why you joined and what you enjoy. People connect through stories.
Share.
Be grateful for kindness
Thank those who welcome you. Gratitude makes people want to help more.
Thank.
Try a new role after a while
When comfortable, take a small role. It marks belonging.
Step up.
Help the next newcomer
When someone new arrives, welcome them. You have become a regular.
Pay it forward.
Script: admitting
I am new here, so please bear with me. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: asking
Could you explain how this usually works? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for helping me, I really appreciate it. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: sharing
I joined because I love this hobby, and I am enjoying it so far. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: closing
See you next week, I am looking forward to it. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Mistake: apologising for being new
Newness is not a fault, so smile instead.
Skip sorry.
Mistake: quitting after one visit
Belonging takes a few visits, so give it time.
Return.
Mistake: hiding at the edge
Join in a little, so step closer.
Join.
Troubleshoot: when you feel out of place
Remember every regular felt this once. Talk to one friendly person.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when people use jokes you do not know
Ask, what is the story behind that? People love to explain.
Ask.
Troubleshoot: when you make a mistake
Smile and say, oops, still learning. People forgive.
Laugh lightly.
Troubleshoot: when you feel invisible
Say your name and ask someone a question. Be seen.
Speak up.
Troubleshoot: when you are older or younger than most
Focus on shared interests, not age. Interest bridges gaps.
Focus on interest.
Drill: write your newcomer line
Write a one-line way to say you are new. Say it aloud.
Write.
Drill: ask three questions
At your next visit ask three questions about the group. Listen.
Ask.
Drill: welcome a newcomer
When someone new joins, welcome them. Note how it feels.
Welcome.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I am new, so please bear with me.”
“Could you explain how it works?”
“Thanks for helping me.”
“I am enjoying it so far.”
“Can I join in?”
“See you next week.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Own your newness
Ask questions
Listen and learn
Be patient
Show up regularly
Be kind
Help the next newcomer
Further reading
- The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
- Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Join Groups”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: What to Do When a Group Feels CliqueyNext: Handle a Difficult Member →
- Why Groups Beat One-on-One for Making Friends
- Interest Groups That Work
- Local Clubs and Community Groups
- Online Groups That Lead to Real Meet-Ups
- Sports, Games and Creative Groups
- Groups for Introverts
- Try Three Before You Choose One
- Check the Group Beforehand
- Contact the Organiser First
- Arrive Early, Meet Early Birds
- Take a Friend for the First Visit
- What to Wear and What to Bring
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Give Yourself Permission to Leave
- How to Join a Group Conversation
- Find the Person Who Is Standing Alone
- Ask the Organiser for an Introduction
- Offer to Help Set Up
- Ask Questions to Learn the Group Culture
- Use Group Activities as Icebreakers
- Stay for the After-Event Chat
- Show Up Consistently
- Remember Names and Stories
- Volunteer for Small Roles
- Contribute Ideas Gently
- Welcome Newcomers Yourself
- Celebrate Group Wins
- Follow Up With People Between Meetings
- What to Do When a Group Feels Cliquey
- Handle Being the Newest Person
- Handle a Difficult Member
- When You Feel Left Out
- Know When a Group Is Not Right
- Leave a Group Without Drama
- Invite One Person for Coffee After Group
- Organise a Small Spin-Off Meet-Up
- Start Your Own Group
- Host a Gathering at Your Place
- Keep the Group Chat Alive
- Your Group Plan
