Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 30

LESSON 30 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Handle Being the Newest Person

Thirty-two easy ways to handle being the newest person, from first-day nerves to feeling at home.

Everyone was new once. Time and kindness help.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Newness is normal

Everyone starts as the new person. Feeling awkward does not mean you are doing badly.

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Be kind to yourself.

TIP 2

Say you are new

Say it lightly and people will help. Honesty is charming.

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Say it.

TIP 3

Ask for help

Ask people to explain rules or routines. Most love to help.

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Ask.

TIP 4

Listen and learn

Watch how the group works. Notice names, habits and jokes.

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Observe.

TIP 5

Be patient with yourself

Friendship takes weeks. Do not expect instant belonging.

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Be patient.

TIP 6

Show up regularly

Repeated presence builds familiarity. Aim for at least three visits.

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Return.

TIP 7

Smile often

A smile makes up for many awkward moments.

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Smile.

TIP 8

Offer small help

Handing out cups or tidying chairs is enough. It shows kindness.

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Help.

TIP 9

Share a little about you

Say why you joined and what you enjoy. People connect through stories.

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Share.

TIP 10

Be grateful for kindness

Thank those who welcome you. Gratitude makes people want to help more.

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Thank.

TIP 11

Try a new role after a while

When comfortable, take a small role. It marks belonging.

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Step up.

TIP 12

Help the next newcomer

When someone new arrives, welcome them. You have become a regular.

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Pay it forward.

TIP 13

Script: admitting

I am new here, so please bear with me. Say it lightly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: asking

Could you explain how this usually works? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: thanking

Thank you for helping me, I really appreciate it. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: sharing

I joined because I love this hobby, and I am enjoying it so far. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

See you next week, I am looking forward to it. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: apologising for being new

Newness is not a fault, so smile instead.

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Skip sorry.

TIP 19

Mistake: quitting after one visit

Belonging takes a few visits, so give it time.

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Return.

TIP 20

Mistake: hiding at the edge

Join in a little, so step closer.

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Join.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you feel out of place

Remember every regular felt this once. Talk to one friendly person.

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Breathe.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when people use jokes you do not know

Ask, what is the story behind that? People love to explain.

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Ask.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you make a mistake

Smile and say, oops, still learning. People forgive.

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Laugh lightly.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel invisible

Say your name and ask someone a question. Be seen.

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Speak up.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you are older or younger than most

Focus on shared interests, not age. Interest bridges gaps.

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Focus on interest.

TIP 26

Drill: write your newcomer line

Write a one-line way to say you are new. Say it aloud.

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Write.

TIP 27

Drill: ask three questions

At your next visit ask three questions about the group. Listen.

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Ask.

TIP 28

Drill: welcome a newcomer

When someone new joins, welcome them. Note how it feels.

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Welcome.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

ADMIT

“I am new, so please bear with me.”

ASK

“Could you explain how it works?”

THANK

“Thanks for helping me.”

SHARE

“I am enjoying it so far.”

JOIN

“Can I join in?”

CLOSE

“See you next week.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Own your newness

DAY 2
Ask questions

DAY 3
Listen and learn

DAY 4
Be patient

DAY 5
Show up regularly

DAY 6
Be kind

DAY 7
Help the next newcomer

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.