Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 11

LESSON 11 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Take a Friend for the First Visit

Thirty-two easy ways to take a friend for the first visit, a trick that makes new groups much less scary.

Two is braver than one. Share the first step.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Two feel braver

Having someone familiar lowers anxiety and gives you confidence to speak to others. It is an easy way to start.

TRY THIS
Ask a friend.

TIP 2

Choose the right friend

Pick someone supportive and open to meeting people. Avoid anyone who will stay glued to you.

TRY THIS
Choose well.

TIP 3

Pick a group both enjoy

Choose an activity you both like, so you both stay interested.

TRY THIS
Pick one.

TIP 4

Plan the day together

Decide when to meet, how to travel and how long to stay. Clear plans help.

TRY THIS
Plan it.

TIP 5

Agree to mix

Say, let us chat with different people. This stops you hiding together.

TRY THIS
Agree.

TIP 6

Split up for a while

Take ten minutes to talk to different people, then compare. Growth happens apart.

TRY THIS
Mix.

TIP 7

Introduce each other

Introduce your friend to new people. It makes chat easier.

TRY THIS
Introduce.

TIP 8

Support each other

Smile, nod and rescue each other from awkward moments. Be a team.

TRY THIS
Help.

TIP 9

Debrief afterwards

Chat over a drink about who you met and what you liked. Learn together.

TRY THIS
Debrief.

TIP 10

Thank your friend

Gratitude keeps friendship strong. A small treat helps.

TRY THIS
Thank.

TIP 11

Plan to go alone sometimes

Aim to go alone a few times to build independence. Gradual steps.

TRY THIS
Step up.

TIP 12

Invite new people to join

Once you know the group, invite another friend. Circles grow.

TRY THIS
Invite.

TIP 13

Script: inviting

Would you like to try a group with me on Saturday? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: planning

Let us go together and meet at the door at ten. Say it clearly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: agreeing

Let us each chat with someone new and compare notes later. Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: debrief

Who did you like most and what stood out? Say it with curiosity.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for coming with me, it made it so much easier. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: staying glued together

You will not meet others, so split up for a while.

TRY THIS
Mix.

TIP 19

Mistake: choosing a friend who dislikes groups

A bad mood is contagious, so choose a keen friend.

TRY THIS
Choose well.

TIP 20

Mistake: leaving your friend alone

Check in regularly, so be a good buddy.

TRY THIS
Check in.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when your friend cancels

Go anyway for a short visit, or ask another friend. Courage grows.

TRY THIS
Go.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when your friend is shy too

Agree on small goals like speaking to two people. Support each other.

TRY THIS
Plan goals.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you have no friend to bring

Contact the organiser for a buddy. Many have one.

TRY THIS
Ask them.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when your friend knows more people

Ask for introductions and then explore alone. Use their connections.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward together

Laugh about it and focus on others. Humour helps.

TRY THIS
Lighten up.

TIP 26

Drill: invite a friend

Ask a friend to join you at a group this month. Pick a date.

TRY THIS
Invite.

TIP 27

Drill: set two goals

Set two small goals for a visit, like two names learned. Share them.

TRY THIS
Set them.

TIP 28

Drill: debrief with tea

After the visit, enjoy tea and share highlights. Note them.

TRY THIS
Debrief.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

INVITE

“Would you like to try a group with me?”

PLAN

“Let us go together on Saturday.”

ARRIVE

“I am so glad you came.”

MIX

“Let us meet different people.”

THANK

“Thanks for coming with me.”

CLOSE

“That was fun.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose a friend

DAY 2
Pick a group

DAY 3
Plan travel

DAY 4
Agree to mix

DAY 5
Chat to new people

DAY 6
Debrief

DAY 7
Go alone next time

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Join Groups lessons

Next lesson: What to Wear and What to Bring →

These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.