The Message That Never Fails
Thirty-two easy ways to send the message that never fails, a warm note that works for almost anyone.
Some messages work almost every time. This is one of them.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
The message that never fails
A short note that says I was thinking of you, with no pressure to reply, is welcome almost every time. It is kind, light and easy to answer.
Send one today.
Think of someone
Who crossed your mind today? Pick one person and write to them straight away.
Pick a name.
Say you thought of them
The words I was thinking of you are simple and powerful. People love to feel remembered.
Use them.
Add the reason
Say what made you think of them: a song, a place or a joke. A reason makes it real.
Add one.
Keep it short
Two lines are enough. Short notes are warm and easy to read.
Trim it.
Add no pressure
Say, no need to reply. This takes away any worry and often leads to a reply anyway.
Add it.
Add a kind wish
Say, I hope you have a lovely day. Kindness costs nothing.
Wish them well.
Send it at a gentle time
Mornings and early evenings are good. Avoid very late hours.
Time it.
Send it for no reason
You do not need a reason. A random warm note is a gift.
Surprise them.
Send to different kinds of people
Old friends, new friends, family and colleagues all enjoy it. Adapt lightly.
Vary it.
Make it a habit
Send one such message each week. Friendships grow with small, regular care.
Repeat.
Notice how it feels
Notice your own mood after sending. Kindness lifts the giver too.
Smile.
Script: the classic
I was thinking of you today and wanted to say hi. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: with a reason
This song came on and made me think of you. Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: no pressure
No need to reply, I just wanted to send a smile. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: kind wish
I hope you have a lovely day and a good week. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thank you for being such a good friend. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: waiting for a special occasion
Special days are rare, so send a warm note on an ordinary day.
Send today.
Mistake: expecting a long answer
A short reply is still a good result, so enjoy whatever comes.
Be relaxed.
Mistake: asking for something in the same message
A favour in the same note can spoil the gift, so keep it pure.
Keep it kind.
Mistake: sending the exact same text to everyone
People can tell, so add a small personal detail to each.
Personalise.
Mistake: overthinking the words
Simple words work best, so write quickly and send.
Stop editing.
Troubleshoot: when you fear they will think it is odd
Most people feel touched, not confused, so trust that.
Send it.
Troubleshoot: when they never reply
Some people are poor at replying. Keep sending light notes now and then without keeping score.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you have not spoken for years
Add, it has been a while, and I wanted to say hello. Honest and warm.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when you feel low yourself
Even a small note to someone can lift your mood. Try it.
Reach out.
Troubleshoot: when it is a new friend
Keep it extra light and short. Let the friendship grow slowly.
Go gently.
Drill: five notes this week
Send five thinking-of-you notes this week to five different people. Track replies.
Do it.
Drill: write a bank of lines
Write ten warm one-line messages and keep them in your notes. Use them.
Write.
Drill: add a detail
Take one old generic message and add a personal detail. Compare the feel.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I was thinking of you today.”
“You came to mind when I saw this.”
“How are things with you?”
“I am here if you ever want to chat.”
“Thank you for being you.”
“No need to reply, just sending a smile.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Think of someone
Write a warm line
Add a small detail
Say no need to reply
Send it
Enjoy their answer
Do it again soon
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Follow Up”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Use Emoji and Tone WiselyNext: Suggest a Specific Time and Place →
- Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
- People Want to Hear From You
- The Fear Behind Not Following Up
- Following Up Is Kindness, Not Needy
- The Twenty-Four-Hour Window
- One Message Can Change a Friendship
- Be the Person Who Makes the First Move
- Swap Contact Details Naturally
- The Same-Day Nice-to-Meet-You Message
- Mention Something From Your Chat
- Send a Photo or Link You Talked About
- Suggest a Next Step Lightly
- What to Write When You Are Shy
- What Not to Write
- Keep It Short and Specific
- Ask One Easy Question
- Use Their Name and Their Words
- Send a Voice Note
- Send Something Funny
- Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
- The Message That Never Fails
- Suggest a Specific Time and Place
- Offer a Simple Plan
- Confirm Plans the Day Before
- Handle Rescheduling Gracefully
- Follow Up After Meeting
- Plan the Second Meet-Up Before the First Ends
- Thank Them for Their Time
- Why People Go Quiet
- Wait, Then Send One Gentle Nudge
- Do Not Take Silence Personally
- Know When to Let Go
- Reconnect After Months
- Keep the Door Open
- Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook
- Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out
- Reply Quickly to Messages
- Send Little Notes for No Reason
- Follow Up on Their News
- Your Follow-Up System
