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Making Friends / How to Follow Up / Lesson 35
LESSON 35 · HOW TO FOLLOW UP

Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook

Thirty-two easy ways to keep a friendship notebook, a simple tool that helps you remember what matters to people.

A little note makes a big difference. Memory is a form of love.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Why it helps
TIP 1

Why it helps

We cannot remember everything. A simple notebook helps you recall birthdays, plans and worries so your care shows up on time.

TRY THIS
Start one.
Photo for the tip: Choose your format
TIP 2

Choose your format

A paper notebook, a notes app or a spreadsheet works. Pick the one you will use.

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Choose one.
Photo for the tip: List your friends
TIP 3

List your friends

Write names of the people you care about. Start with ten.

TRY THIS
List them.
Photo for the tip: Note key facts
TIP 4

Note key facts

Jobs, pets, kids, hobbies and where you met. Short lines.

TRY THIS
Add facts.
Photo for the tip: Record important dates
TIP 5

Record important dates

Birthdays, anniversaries and big events. Add reminders in your phone.

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Add dates.
Photo for the tip: Note what they shared
TIP 6

Note what they shared

Write worries, wins and plans after chats. Next time, you can ask about them.

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Jot notes.
Photo for the tip: Note preferences
TIP 7

Note preferences

Favourite food, drink or music. It helps when planning.

TRY THIS
Add likes.
Photo for the tip: Note last contact
TIP 8

Note last contact

Write the date you last talked. It shows who needs a hello.

TRY THIS
Track it.
Photo for the tip: Note ideas for gifts
TIP 9

Note ideas for gifts

Small gift ideas are easy to forget. Keep a list.

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Write ideas.
Photo for the tip: Review weekly
TIP 10

Review weekly

Spend five minutes each week looking over the notebook. Choose two people to reach out to.

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Review.
Photo for the tip: Act on your notes
TIP 11

Act on your notes

Send a message, ask a question or make a plan. Notes only help when used.

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Act.
Photo for the tip: Keep it private
TIP 12

Keep it private

Store it safely. These are personal details.

TRY THIS
Protect it.
Photo for the tip: Script: recall
TIP 13

Script: recall

How did your exam go last week? Say it with interest.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: caring
TIP 14

Script: caring

How is your mother doing after the surgery? Say it gently.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: planning
TIP 15

Script: planning

I made a note to call you on Sunday, are you free? Say it kindly.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: birthday
TIP 16

Script: birthday

Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: closing
TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for telling me, I will keep you in mind. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: making it too complicated
TIP 18

Mistake: making it too complicated

Complex notes get abandoned, so keep it light and simple.

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Simplify.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: writing private things carelessly
TIP 19

Mistake: writing private things carelessly

Others might see them, so keep them safe.

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Protect.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: using it like a spy file
TIP 20

Mistake: using it like a spy file

Notes are for care, never for control, so use them kindly.

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Be respectful.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: never reviewing
TIP 21

Mistake: never reviewing

Notes unread do nothing, so schedule a weekly look.

TRY THIS
Review.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: forgetting to update
TIP 22

Mistake: forgetting to update

Old facts mislead, so update after chats.

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Update.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you dislike writing
TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you dislike writing

Use voice notes or a simple list on your phone. Anything works.

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Use audio.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you have many friends
TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you have many friends

Start with your close ten, then add. Do not try for everyone.

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Start small.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you forget to open it
TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you forget to open it

Link it to a habit, like Sunday coffee. Set a reminder.

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Set one.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel it is fake
TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel it is fake

It is a tool for care, like a diary for love. Real feelings remain.

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Reframe.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you share a device
TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when you share a device

Use a password or a private note app. Keep notes safe.

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Lock it.
Photo for the tip: Drill: write ten names
TIP 28

Drill: write ten names

List ten friends and one fact each tonight. Add dates.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Drill: five-minute Sunday review
TIP 29

Drill: five-minute Sunday review

Every Sunday review for five minutes and pick two people to contact. Repeat.

TRY THIS
Start.
Photo for the tip: Drill: log last contact
TIP 30

Drill: log last contact

Add last-contact dates for five friends. Reach out to the longest gap.

TRY THIS
Log.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

RECORD

“I wrote down your birthday.”

RECALL

“How did your exam go?”

ASK

“How is your mother doing?”

PLAN

“I made a note to call you.”

THANK

“Thanks for telling me.”

CLOSE

“I remembered, and I care.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose a notebook
DAY 2
List your friends
DAY 3
Note key facts
DAY 4
Record dates
DAY 5
Add small details
DAY 6
Review weekly
DAY 7
Act on notes

Further reading

  • Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
  • Platonic (Marisa Franco)
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Follow Up lessons
Next lesson: Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out →

More lessons in “How to Follow Up”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Keep the Door OpenNext: Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out →

  1. Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
  2. People Want to Hear From You
  3. The Fear Behind Not Following Up
  4. Following Up Is Kindness, Not Needy
  5. The Twenty-Four-Hour Window
  6. One Message Can Change a Friendship
  7. Be the Person Who Makes the First Move
  8. Swap Contact Details Naturally
  9. The Same-Day Nice-to-Meet-You Message
  10. Mention Something From Your Chat
  11. Send a Photo or Link You Talked About
  12. Suggest a Next Step Lightly
  13. What to Write When You Are Shy
  14. What Not to Write
  15. Keep It Short and Specific
  16. Ask One Easy Question
  17. Use Their Name and Their Words
  18. Send a Voice Note
  19. Send Something Funny
  20. Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
  21. The Message That Never Fails
  22. Suggest a Specific Time and Place
  23. Offer a Simple Plan
  24. Confirm Plans the Day Before
  25. Handle Rescheduling Gracefully
  26. Follow Up After Meeting
  27. Plan the Second Meet-Up Before the First Ends
  28. Thank Them for Their Time
  29. Why People Go Quiet
  30. Wait, Then Send One Gentle Nudge
  31. Do Not Take Silence Personally
  32. Know When to Let Go
  33. Reconnect After Months
  34. Keep the Door Open
  35. Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook
  36. Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out
  37. Reply Quickly to Messages
  38. Send Little Notes for No Reason
  39. Follow Up on Their News
  40. Your Follow-Up System
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