Ask One Easy Question
Thirty-two easy ways to ask one easy question, the simple tool that turns a message into a conversation.
A good question invites a reply. Keep it easy.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why questions work
People enjoy talking about themselves in a safe way. A kind question shows interest and makes replying easy.
Ask one.
Pick an easy topic
Weekend plans, food, music, travel and hobbies are simple topics. Avoid heavy ones at first.
Choose.
Use open questions
Questions starting with what, how or tell me about get fuller answers than yes or no.
Try how.
Ask just one
One question is enough. Two can feel like pressure.
Keep one.
Make it personal
Link to what they said earlier: how did your trip go? Personal questions feel warm.
Link it.
Make it light
Ask things that are fun to answer, like best food you ate this week.
Be playful.
Make it easy to answer
Choose questions with short answers. Easy replies come faster.
Keep it short.
Ask about feelings gently
How are you finding the new job? is kind and open. Do not pry.
Be gentle.
Ask for a recommendation
People love sharing favourites. Ask, any good book you would suggest?
Ask for one.
Offer a choice
Do you prefer tea or coffee? Choices are simple and playful.
Offer two.
Wait for the answer
Do not send more until they reply. Patience shows respect.
Wait.
Reply with interest
When they answer, respond with a comment and a follow-up. That keeps it going.
Reply well.
Script: weekend
How was your weekend? Anything fun? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: opinion
What did you think of the film in the end? Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: plans
Do you have any plans for the holidays? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: recommendation
Do you know any good book I should read next? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for telling me, I would love to hear more. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: asking yes or no only
These end the chat quickly, so add how or what.
Open it up.
Mistake: asking too many at once
A list of questions feels like an interview, so send just one.
Choose one.
Mistake: asking something too private
Deep questions too early feel pushy, so keep it light at first.
Go slowly.
Mistake: not listening to the answer
If you ignore the reply, they feel unseen, so respond to what they said.
Listen.
Mistake: asking questions you already know
It shows you were not listening, so use new questions.
Be fresh.
Troubleshoot: when they answer briefly
Keep your tone warm and ask another light question later. Short is okay.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of questions
Keep a list in your notes: food, travel, music, hobbies, work. Use it.
Make a list.
Troubleshoot: when they do not answer
Do not repeat. Wait a few days and try something different.
Wait.
Troubleshoot: when the topic is awkward
Switch to a lighter topic with a kind joke. Easy change.
Switch.
Troubleshoot: when you feel interviewed
Share a little about yourself too. Balance the talk.
Share a bit.
Drill: ten questions
Write ten easy questions for new friends. Keep them handy.
Write.
Drill: ask one a day
Ask one easy question to someone each day. Note replies.
Do it.
Drill: practise follow-ups
After each answer, ask one follow-up. Practise listening.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“How was your weekend?”
“What did you think of the film?”
“Any plans for the holidays?”
“Do you prefer tea or coffee?”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“I would love to hear more.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Pick an easy topic
Use open words
Ask just one
Make it personal
Make it fun
Wait for the answer
Reply with interest
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
