One Message Can Change a Friendship
Thirty-two easy ways to see how one message can change a friendship, and how to write that message.
One message can open a door. Make it kind and clear.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Small acts, big shifts
Many friendships start or restart with a single message. Sending one is brave and kind.
Be the one.
Think of one person
Who would you love to reconnect with or know better? Choose one name.
Choose.
Write one warm line
Say, I was thinking of you and wanted to say hello. Simple and sincere.
Write it.
Be honest about timing
If it has been long, say so lightly: it has been a while. Honest works.
Own it.
Say what you value
Say, I miss our chats or I enjoy talking with you. People love to hear it.
Say it.
Offer a small plan
Add, want to catch up soon? A plan makes it real.
Offer.
Keep it brief
A short note is easier to answer. Do not write an essay.
Trim.
Send it at a good time
Evenings and weekends work for many. Avoid very late hours.
Time it.
Welcome any reply
A short reply is still warm. Enjoy it.
Be glad.
Reply quickly
If they reply, answer soon and keep the flow. Momentum builds friendship.
Respond.
Follow through
If you suggest a plan, set a date. Kind promises must become real.
Plan.
Keep doing it
Regular small messages grow friendships. Make it a habit.
Repeat.
Script: opening
I was thinking about you and wanted to say hello. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: honest
It has been a while, and I miss our chats. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: inviting
Want to catch up this weekend over coffee? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: owning
I should have written sooner, I am sorry. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
I am glad we are friends. Say it gently.
Use it.
Mistake: waiting for the perfect words
They do not exist. Send simple ones.
Send.
Mistake: sending and vanishing
Be ready to reply when they do. Stay engaged.
Follow up.
Troubleshoot: when you fought
Say, I miss you and I am sorry for my part. Start with kindness.
Repair.
Troubleshoot: when it has been years
Say, you came to mind, and I wanted to say hi. No need for long excuses.
Be simple.
Troubleshoot: when they replied coldly
Be kind and give space. Try again later.
Stay warm.
Troubleshoot: when you feel scared
Write it, wait ten minutes, then send. Breathe.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when they do not reply
Do not take it personally. Try once more after a few weeks.
Wait.
Drill: write your one message
Write one warm message to someone today. Send or save it.
Write.
Drill: the three-line note
Practise writing three-line notes: hello, detail, plan. Time yourself.
Try.
Drill: celebrate the send
Reward yourself for each message sent. Build courage.
Treat.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I was thinking about you.”
“I miss our chats.”
“Want to catch up this weekend?”
“I should have written sooner.”
“Thanks for being you.”
“I am glad we are friends.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Think of a person
Write a warm line
Be honest
Be brief
Send it
Welcome any reply
Follow up
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Follow Up”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: The Twenty-Four-Hour WindowNext: Be the Person Who Makes the First Move →
- Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
- People Want to Hear From You
- The Fear Behind Not Following Up
- Following Up Is Kindness, Not Needy
- The Twenty-Four-Hour Window
- One Message Can Change a Friendship
- Be the Person Who Makes the First Move
- Swap Contact Details Naturally
- The Same-Day Nice-to-Meet-You Message
- Mention Something From Your Chat
- Send a Photo or Link You Talked About
- Suggest a Next Step Lightly
- What to Write When You Are Shy
- What Not to Write
- Keep It Short and Specific
- Ask One Easy Question
- Use Their Name and Their Words
- Send a Voice Note
- Send Something Funny
- Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
- The Message That Never Fails
- Suggest a Specific Time and Place
- Offer a Simple Plan
- Confirm Plans the Day Before
- Handle Rescheduling Gracefully
- Follow Up After Meeting
- Plan the Second Meet-Up Before the First Ends
- Thank Them for Their Time
- Why People Go Quiet
- Wait, Then Send One Gentle Nudge
- Do Not Take Silence Personally
- Know When to Let Go
- Reconnect After Months
- Keep the Door Open
- Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook
- Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out
- Reply Quickly to Messages
- Send Little Notes for No Reason
- Follow Up on Their News
- Your Follow-Up System
