Making Friends / How to Follow Up / Lesson 17

LESSON 17 · HOW TO FOLLOW UP

Use Their Name and Their Words

Thirty-two easy ways to use their name and their words, small touches that make a message feel personal.

Names and echoes feel warm. Use them with a light touch.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

A name is music

People love to hear their own name used kindly. It tells them the message is for them.

TRY THIS
Use it once.

TIP 2

Learn the name well

Check the spelling and how to say it. Writing it right shows respect.

TRY THIS
Check it.

TIP 3

Use it once, not often

One use in a message is warm. Many uses feel pushy or like a sales note.

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Use it once.

TIP 4

Put it in the greeting

Hi Maya, is a classic. Easy and kind.

TRY THIS
Start there.

TIP 5

Notice their words

People use favourite words and phrases. Hearing them back makes you feel close.

TRY THIS
Listen.

TIP 6

Echo a phrase

If they said it was a total adventure, say it back lightly. A small echo shows care.

TRY THIS
Echo one.

TIP 7

Use their style

If they write short and casual, match it. If they write longer, be a bit warmer.

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Match them.

TIP 8

Link to their interests

Mention something they love, like hiking or baking. It feels personal.

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Link it.

TIP 9

Use pet names carefully

Nicknames only when they use them first. Respect comes before cute.

TRY THIS
Be careful.

TIP 10

Use their language

If they like emoji, use one. If not, skip. Mirror gently.

TRY THIS
Mirror lightly.

TIP 11

Respect titles in formal settings

At work use their title if they prefer. Politeness matters.

TRY THIS
Check.

TIP 12

Keep it natural

Do not force it. Warm and real beats clever.

TRY THIS
Relax.

TIP 13

Script: greeting

Hi Maya, it was so lovely to meet you. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: echo

You said the trip was a total adventure, I loved that. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: link

You mentioned you love baking, so I thought of you. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: question

How did your hike go, Maya? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Talk soon, Maya, and thanks again. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: using the wrong name

A wrong name feels hurtful, so double-check before sending.

TRY THIS
Verify.

TIP 19

Mistake: overusing their name

Repeating it too often sounds like a sales pitch, so use it once.

TRY THIS
Cut extra.

TIP 20

Mistake: mocking their words

Echoing should be kind, never teasing, so avoid mimicry.

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Be gentle.

TIP 21

Mistake: using a nickname too soon

Early nicknames can feel too close, so wait until they invite it.

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Wait.

TIP 22

Mistake: forcing slang

Slang you do not normally use feels fake, so keep your own voice.

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Be you.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you forgot their name

Ask the host or check the group chat quickly. If needed, say sorry, I blanked on your name.

TRY THIS
Ask kindly.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when the name is hard to spell

Copy it from their profile or ask how they spell it. Care shows.

TRY THIS
Check.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when they use a different name online

Use the one they prefer in person. If unsure, ask lightly.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when their name has a different culture

Learn the right order and sound. Respect matters.

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Learn it.

TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when you have many contacts

Use notes with a hint like Maya, book club. Memory help.

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Add notes.

TIP 28

Drill: name and echo

Write three messages with one name and one echo each. Keep them natural.

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Write.

TIP 29

Drill: practise saying names

Practise saying the names of new people aloud. It helps memory.

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Say them.

TIP 30

Drill: build a notes list

Keep a list of names and one favourite word each. Review before messaging.

TRY THIS
Create.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

NAME

“Hi Maya, great to hear from you.”

ECHO

“You said it was a fun trip.”

LINK

“You mentioned you love hiking.”

ASK

“How did your hike go?”

THANK

“Thanks, Maya.”

CLOSE

“Talk soon, Maya.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Learn their name

DAY 2
Use it once

DAY 3
Notice their words

DAY 4
Echo a phrase

DAY 5
Link to their interests

DAY 6
Keep it natural

DAY 7
Check spelling

Further reading

• Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.