Making Friends / How to Follow Up / Lesson 22

LESSON 22 · HOW TO FOLLOW UP

Suggest a Specific Time and Place

Thirty-two easy ways to suggest a specific time and place, so plans stop floating and start happening.

Specific plans happen. Vague plans fade.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Specific beats vague

Let us meet sometime rarely happens, while Saturday at ten at the river cafe usually does. Clear plans are easy to accept.

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Be specific.

TIP 2

Pick a day

Choose a day that is likely to suit both. Weekends often work for friends.

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Choose one.

TIP 3

Pick a time

Offer a clear start time and rough length, like ten to eleven-thirty. Knowing the length helps.

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Add a time.

TIP 4

Pick a place

Choose a calm, easy-to-find spot such as a cafe or park. Easy places feel safe.

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Choose one.

TIP 5

Think of their side

If you can, choose a spot near them. It shows kindness and makes yes easier.

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Be generous.

TIP 6

Offer two options

Would Saturday or Sunday suit you better? Two choices are easier than an open question.

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Offer two.

TIP 7

Say what you will do

We could grab coffee and walk by the river. A mini plan makes it vivid.

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Add a plan.

TIP 8

Keep cost low

Suggest low-cost plans. Money worries can block yes.

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Keep it simple.

TIP 9

Make it comfortable

Choose quiet places for talking. Noise makes new friendships harder.

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Pick calm.

TIP 10

Be flexible

If they suggest a change, adapt gladly. Flexibility builds goodwill.

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Adapt.

TIP 11

Confirm in writing

Once agreed, type the day, time and place so both can see. Clear records help.

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Confirm.

TIP 12

Add a reminder

Put it in your calendar straight away. Reliable friends keep plans.

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Set one.

TIP 13

Script: suggesting

Shall we meet on Saturday at ten at the river cafe? Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: choice

Would Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon suit you better? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: their side

I can come to your side of town if that is easier. Say it helpfully.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: confirming

Great, see you Saturday at ten at the river cafe. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for saying yes, I am looking forward to it. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: leaving it open-ended

Open plans slip away, so name a day and a time.

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Be clear.

TIP 19

Mistake: choosing a loud place

Noise makes talking hard, so pick somewhere calmer.

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Choose quiet.

TIP 20

Mistake: planning an expensive outing too early

High costs create pressure, so start with a simple plan.

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Keep it light.

TIP 21

Mistake: not checking their schedule

Plans that ignore their week feel pushy, so offer options.

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Ask.

TIP 22

Mistake: forgetting to put it in your calendar

Unrecorded plans get missed, so add it right away.

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Save it.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when they say they are busy

Say, no worries, which week might be better? Keep the door open.

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Stay kind.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when they never choose

Offer two clear options and a default. Make it easy.

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Decide gently.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you live far apart

Suggest a call or a halfway point. Distance can be bridged.

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Compromise.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel nervous

Pick a short plan, like a one-hour coffee. Short plans feel safer.

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Keep it short.

TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when mobility or health is a concern

Suggest an accessible place or a video call. Care for needs.

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Ask about needs.

TIP 28

Drill: write three plans

Write three specific plans with day, time and place. Send one.

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Write.

TIP 29

Drill: use the two-option rule

Practise offering two options in your next invite. Notice how easily they reply.

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Try it.

TIP 30

Drill: a list of easy places

Make a list of five calm, low-cost places near you. Use it.

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List.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

SUGGEST

“Shall we meet on Saturday at ten?”

PLACE

“There is a nice cafe by the river.”

CHOOSE

“Would morning or afternoon suit you?”

EASY

“I can come to your side of town.”

THANK

“Thanks for saying yes.”

CLOSE

“See you then.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick a day

DAY 2
Pick a time

DAY 3
Pick a place

DAY 4
Offer a choice

DAY 5
Say it clearly

DAY 6
Be flexible

DAY 7
Confirm

Further reading

• Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.