Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
Thirty-two easy ways to use emoji and tone wisely, so your messages sound warm instead of confusing.
Text has no voice. Tone tools help.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Text can sound cold
Without your voice and face, short messages may seem rude. A few warm touches fix this.
Add warmth.
Read it aloud
Hear how it sounds. If it sounds blunt, add a kind word.
Test it.
Add warm words
Words like thanks, please, lovely and glad soften messages.
Add one.
Use one emoji
A smile or a heart can show friendliness. One is enough for most messages.
Add one.
Choose common emoji
Smiles, hearts and thumbs-up are clear. Strange ones can confuse.
Keep it simple.
Be careful with punctuation
An exclamation mark can add cheer. Too many look shouty. A full stop can feel cold in casual chat.
Balance.
Avoid ALL CAPS
Capitals feel like shouting. Use normal letters.
Use normal case.
Avoid sarcasm
It often fails in text. Be sincere.
Be plain.
Match their style
If they use many emoji, use a few. If they use none, use fewer.
Mirror.
Know your audience
Older relatives, new colleagues and close friends all read differently. Adjust.
Think of them.
Use words to show feelings
Say, I am excited, not just a flat message. Name the tone.
Say it.
Check before you send
Ask: could this be read the wrong way? Fix it.
Check.
Script: warm
Great to hear from you, I am so glad you wrote! Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Script: light
Sounds good, thank you so much! Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: soft
No worries at all, whenever suits you. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: clear tone
Just checking in to see how you are, no rush to reply. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: closing
Talk soon, and thank you again! Say it warmly.
Use it.
Mistake: sending very short replies
One-word replies can look cold, so add a warm word.
Warm it up.
Mistake: using too many emoji
A wall of emoji can look childish or confusing, so keep to one or two.
Reduce.
Mistake: using a full stop everywhere
In casual chats a hard full stop may feel cross, so soften it.
Soften.
Mistake: sending a joke without tone clues
Jokes can be misread, so add a smile or a light word.
Add a clue.
Mistake: ignoring their style
If you are far more intense than they are, they may pull back, so match gently.
Mirror.
Troubleshoot: when someone sounds cold
Do not assume anger. Many people text briefly. Ask kindly if worried.
Stay calm.
Troubleshoot: when you worry about your tone
Add a smile emoji or a friendly opener. Tone helps.
Add warmth.
Troubleshoot: when emoji differ by culture
Some emoji mean different things. Use simple smiles and hearts.
Keep it simple.
Troubleshoot: when at work
Use light, professional warmth: thanks, kind regards, one smile. Keep it modest.
Be polite.
Troubleshoot: when a message was misread
Clarify kindly: I meant that in a friendly way. Move on.
Clarify.
Drill: tone makeover
Take three blunt messages and make them warm. Compare.
Rewrite.
Drill: emoji check
Look at your last ten messages and count emoji. Adjust.
Count.
Drill: read aloud
Read each message aloud before sending for a week. Notice tone.
Practise.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Great to hear from you!”
“Sounds good, thanks!”
“No worries at all.”
“Just checking in.”
“Thank you so much.”
“Talk soon!”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Read your message aloud
Add warmth words
Use one emoji
Be careful with punctuation
Avoid caps
Match their style
Check the mood
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Follow Up”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Send Something FunnyNext: The Message That Never Fails →
- Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
- People Want to Hear From You
- The Fear Behind Not Following Up
- Following Up Is Kindness, Not Needy
- The Twenty-Four-Hour Window
- One Message Can Change a Friendship
- Be the Person Who Makes the First Move
- Swap Contact Details Naturally
- The Same-Day Nice-to-Meet-You Message
- Mention Something From Your Chat
- Send a Photo or Link You Talked About
- Suggest a Next Step Lightly
- What to Write When You Are Shy
- What Not to Write
- Keep It Short and Specific
- Ask One Easy Question
- Use Their Name and Their Words
- Send a Voice Note
- Send Something Funny
- Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
- The Message That Never Fails
- Suggest a Specific Time and Place
- Offer a Simple Plan
- Confirm Plans the Day Before
- Handle Rescheduling Gracefully
- Follow Up After Meeting
- Plan the Second Meet-Up Before the First Ends
- Thank Them for Their Time
- Why People Go Quiet
- Wait, Then Send One Gentle Nudge
- Do Not Take Silence Personally
- Know When to Let Go
- Reconnect After Months
- Keep the Door Open
- Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook
- Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out
- Reply Quickly to Messages
- Send Little Notes for No Reason
- Follow Up on Their News
- Your Follow-Up System
