Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
Thirty-two easy reasons why good chats fade without a follow-up, and simple ways to keep them alive.
A good chat is only a seed. A follow-up waters it.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Good chats fade fast
Within a few days we forget details and the spark. A small message keeps the good feeling alive.
Send one soon.
Both sides wait
After a nice chat, each person thinks the other will reach out. Often nobody does, and the friendship ends before it starts.
Go first.
Memory is short
People meet many others. A message helps them remember you in a warm way.
Help them remember.
Life gets busy
Work, family and tiredness push new contacts aside. A friendly note shows you value the link.
Be the nudge.
The first week matters most
Chances are best when the chat is fresh. Message within a day or two.
Act soon.
Small effort, big result
A two-line message takes one minute. It can start a friendship for years.
Try one.
Most people say yes
Studies show we underestimate how happy people are to hear from us. Expect a warm reply.
Trust it.
You are not bothering them
People like to be remembered. A kind note is a gift, not a burden.
Relax.
Show you enjoyed it
Say, I really enjoyed our chat. Honest and simple.
Say it.
Mention one detail
Refer to something they said. It proves you listened.
Recall one.
Suggest a light next step
Coffee, a walk or a call. Keep it easy.
Offer one.
Keep the rhythm
One message is a start. A few more over weeks make a friend.
Stay in touch.
Script: simple
It was so nice talking with you the other day. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: detail
I loved hearing about your trip to Italy. Say it with a smile.
Use it.
Script: plan
Would you like to grab a coffee this week or next? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: sharing
I found the book we talked about and thought of you. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for the great chat, let us keep in touch. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: waiting for them
They may wait for you. Go first.
Start.
Mistake: waiting too long
Old chats feel cold. Message within days.
Be quick.
Mistake: writing a long message
Long notes feel heavy. Keep it short.
Trim.
Mistake: asking for too much
Start with small steps. Big asks scare.
Go gently.
Troubleshoot: when you feel shy
Write a message and send it before you overthink. Short is fine.
Send now.
Troubleshoot: when you forgot their name
Check the group chat, the event page or ask a mutual friend. Use their name.
Look it up.
Troubleshoot: when it has been weeks
Say, I meant to message earlier, I enjoyed our chat. Honest works.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when you have no contact details
Find them through the host, a shared group or the event page. Ask kindly.
Ask.
Troubleshoot: when they live far away
Suggest a call or a video chat. Distance can be bridged.
Suggest.
Drill: send one today
Think of someone you enjoyed meeting and send one message. Notice the reply.
Do it.
Drill: list five people
List five people you would like to follow up with. Message one.
List.
Drill: message template
Write a short template with a space for one detail. Save it.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“It was so nice talking with you.”
“I loved your story about the trip.”
“Would you like to meet for coffee?”
“I found that book we talked about.”
“Thanks for the great chat.”
“Let us keep in touch.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Save their details
Send a short message
Mention one detail
Suggest a small plan
Be patient
Follow up again
Keep going
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Follow Up”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
Next: People Want to Hear From You →
- Why Good Chats Fade Without Follow-Up
- People Want to Hear From You
- The Fear Behind Not Following Up
- Following Up Is Kindness, Not Needy
- The Twenty-Four-Hour Window
- One Message Can Change a Friendship
- Be the Person Who Makes the First Move
- Swap Contact Details Naturally
- The Same-Day Nice-to-Meet-You Message
- Mention Something From Your Chat
- Send a Photo or Link You Talked About
- Suggest a Next Step Lightly
- What to Write When You Are Shy
- What Not to Write
- Keep It Short and Specific
- Ask One Easy Question
- Use Their Name and Their Words
- Send a Voice Note
- Send Something Funny
- Use Emoji and Tone Wisely
- The Message That Never Fails
- Suggest a Specific Time and Place
- Offer a Simple Plan
- Confirm Plans the Day Before
- Handle Rescheduling Gracefully
- Follow Up After Meeting
- Plan the Second Meet-Up Before the First Ends
- Thank Them for Their Time
- Why People Go Quiet
- Wait, Then Send One Gentle Nudge
- Do Not Take Silence Personally
- Know When to Let Go
- Reconnect After Months
- Keep the Door Open
- Keep a Simple Friendship Notebook
- Set Weekly Reminders to Reach Out
- Reply Quickly to Messages
- Send Little Notes for No Reason
- Follow Up on Their News
- Your Follow-Up System
