Confidence / Making Eye Contact / Lesson 28

LESSON 28 · MAKING EYE CONTACT

Eye Contact With Someone Senior

Thirty-two ways to hold steady eye contact with someone senior, treating them with respect and not fear.

Seniority is a title, not a verdict on you. Meet them as a capable person.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), Presence (Amy Cuddy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Seniority is a title, not a verdict on you

A boss, a professor or an elder holds a role, not a judgement over your worth. Reminding yourself of this makes it much easier to keep your eyes up while you speak to them.

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Say silently, “They are a person in a role, and so am I.”

TIP 2

Everyone has a nervous side

Senior people also worry about decisions, deadlines and being liked. Imagining their human side softens your fear and your gaze.

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Picture them at home with their family.

TIP 3

Start with a calm look

Greet them with a steady, warm look and a small smile. It sets a respectful, confident tone.

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Look, smile, greet.

TIP 4

Keep a soft, steady gaze

Look at them while they speak. A calm look signals respect and attention. Do not stare.

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Blink and breathe.

TIP 5

Use the brow gaze if needed

If direct eyes feel too intense, look at the brow. It reads as steady eye contact.

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Aim at the brow.

TIP 6

Glance away to think

It is perfectly fine to glance away briefly when you think. Return to them and answer.

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Glance, then look.

TIP 7

Look at them for key points

When you state your main point, hold your look. It adds weight and shows conviction.

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Look on your key line.

TIP 8

Look while they decide

When they are thinking, keep a calm, neutral look and a relaxed face. Do not rush.

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Be patient.

TIP 9

Look when you disagree

A respectful, steady look when you share a different view shows confidence and courtesy.

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Look kindly as you disagree.

TIP 10

Look when you thank

A look and a warm thank you leave a good impression.

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Look and thank.

TIP 11

Scene: your boss asks for an update

Look at them as you begin, glance at your notes briefly and look up for your conclusions. They see a clear, confident colleague.

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Lead with your conclusion and a look.

TIP 12

Scene: a performance review

Keep a soft, steady look while you listen. Nod when you agree and ask clarifying questions with your eyes up.

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Prepare two questions to ask with a look.

TIP 13

Scene: asking for a raise

State your case with a calm look. Hold your gaze on your main evidence and pause afterwards.

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Practise with a friend.

TIP 14

Scene: a chance meeting with a senior leader

In a lift or corridor, a warm look, a smile and a short greeting leave a positive impression.

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Prepare a one-line greeting.

TIP 15

Scene: speaking to a professor

Look at them as they explain, nod and ask your question with your eyes up. It shows respect and engagement.

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Prepare your question.

TIP 16

Scene: talking to an elder

Look with warmth, and take cues from them. In some cultures, a softer gaze shows respect.

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Follow their lead.

TIP 17

Do not look at the floor

Looking down can seem unsure. Lift your chin a little.

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Chin up.

TIP 18

Do not look at your phone

It signals disrespect. Silence it before you go in.

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Phone away.

TIP 19

Do not fidget

Fidgeting draws attention from your eyes. Rest your hands.

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Calm hands.

TIP 20

Do not stare

A fixed stare can feel challenging. Keep soft.

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Blink.

TIP 21

Do not over-smile

A constant smile can look nervous. Smile naturally when it fits.

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Smile when it fits.

TIP 22

Do not rush your words

Slow speech helps you keep your look steady.

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Slow down.

TIP 23

Prepare your key points

When you know what to say, your eyes stay free. Prepare three points.

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Write three bullets.

TIP 24

Prepare your first sentence

A smooth start steadies you. Memorise it.

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Say it aloud.

TIP 25

Prepare your ask

Know what you want from the meeting. Clear goals help calm.

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Write your ask.

TIP 26

Prepare questions

A thoughtful question with a look shows engagement.

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Prepare two.

TIP 27

Arrive early

A calm arrival helps your eyes and nerves.

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Arrive early.

TIP 28

Breathe before you enter

Slow breaths settle your gaze.

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Breathe out.

TIP 29

Warm up with colleagues

A friendly look at a colleague beforehand helps you relax.

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Greet someone first.

TIP 30

Sit up

Good posture helps your confidence and your eye line.

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Sit tall.

TIP 31

Choose your seat

If possible, sit where you can see them comfortably, without light in your eyes.

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Choose well.

TIP 32

Practise with a mirror

Practise your steady, respectful look. It builds comfort.

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Practise.

TIP 33

Practise with a friend

Ask a friend to play the senior person for a short chat. Feedback helps.

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Role-play.

TIP 34

Record yourself

Watch a short video of your answers and your eye contact.

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Record.

TIP 35

In meetings with seniors

Look at them when they speak and include others when you speak. Share your gaze.

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Include all.

TIP 36

In presentations to seniors

Look at them often but include others. Do not fixate.

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Share looks.

TIP 37

On video

Look at the lens as you speak. It feels like eye contact to them.

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Look at the camera.

TIP 38

If you feel intimidated

Take a breath, relax your shoulders and look at the brow. You belong in the room.

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Breathe.

TIP 39

If they look away

Do not take it personally. They may be thinking. Continue calmly.

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Stay steady.

TIP 40

Celebrate your poise

Each time you hold your own with a senior person, you grow. Be proud.

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Say, “I held steady.”

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

GREET

“Good morning, thank you for making time.”

“Here is the update in one sentence.”

ASK

“What would you like me to prioritise?”

OWN

“I made a mistake and here is my plan.”

THANK

“Thank you for your guidance.”

“I will follow up by Friday.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Breathe before you walk in

DAY 2
Look up and greet

DAY 3
Speak your key point

DAY 4
Listen with steady eyes

DAY 5
Ask one smart question

DAY 6
Confirm next steps

DAY 7
Thank them warmly

More lessons in “Making Eye Contact”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

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