Confidence / Making Eye Contact / Lesson 12

LESSON 12 · MAKING EYE CONTACT

Practise With a Pet or a Photo

Thirty easy ways to practise with a pet or a photo, so eye contact feels safe and you build comfort step by step.

Pets do not judge. Photos wait for you.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), Presence (Amy Cuddy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Pets do not judge

A dog or cat will look at you with open, trusting eyes and will never criticise you. That makes pets perfect partners for building comfort with eye contact.

TRY THIS
Sit with your pet and look into its eyes for a few seconds.

TIP 2

Dogs and gaze

Research by Miho Nagasawa and colleagues in 2015 found that when dogs and owners gaze at each other, both show a rise in oxytocin, a hormone linked to bonding. Looking is part of the bond.

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Share a gentle look with your dog.

TIP 3

Soft, slow looks

With animals, use a soft, slow look. A hard stare can feel like a threat to some animals.

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Look softly and blink.

TIP 4

Use a slow blink with cats

Cats often show affection with slow blinks. Slowly close and open your eyes and many cats will respond.

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Try a slow blink at a cat.

TIP 5

Smile at your pet

A gentle smile and a kind voice help animals feel safe. They read your mood.

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Smile as you look.

TIP 6

Talk to your pet

Speak gently while looking at them. It combines voice and eyes.

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Say a friendly sentence.

TIP 7

Practise brief looks

A few seconds at a time is plenty. Build up as it feels easy.

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Count three.

TIP 8

Notice their response

Pets show comfort with relaxed bodies. Notice how they respond to your gaze.

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Watch for tail wags.

TIP 9

Respect their comfort

If an animal looks away, let it. Do not force.

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Give space.

TIP 10

Enjoy the calm

Looking at a pet can slow your breathing. Let it relax you.

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Breathe slowly.

TIP 11

Build confidence

If you can look at a pet comfortably, you can look at people. The skill transfers.

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Notice your ease.

TIP 12

Practise with photos

Photographs of faces are good practice. You can look as long as you like, and no one looks back.

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Look at a portrait.

TIP 13

Choose warm photos

Pick pictures of people smiling kindly. They are easier to look at.

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Choose a friendly face.

TIP 14

Photos of loved ones

Look at photos of family and friends. Enjoy the warmth.

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Look at a family photo.

TIP 15

Photos of strangers

Portraits by photographers are great practice. Look at the eyes and imagine their story.

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Look at a portrait online.

TIP 16

Photos of yourself

Look at photos of yourself with kindness. It builds acceptance.

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Look kindly at a picture of you.

TIP 17

Photos of famous people

Look at a confident public figure. Notice how their gaze feels.

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Look at a speaker’s photo.

TIP 18

Look at the eyes

Focus on the eyes in the photo for a few seconds. Notice any feelings.

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Name the feeling.

TIP 19

Look at the whole face

Then look at the face as a whole. Notice expression.

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Describe the expression.

TIP 20

Imagine a conversation

Imagine the person in the photo saying hello. Say hello back.

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Say hello aloud.

TIP 21

Use video

Watching a video of someone talking to the camera is like eye contact. Look back.

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Watch a short talk.

TIP 22

Use a video call with a friend

A friend on video is comfortable practice. Look at the lens and chat.

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Call a friend.

TIP 23

Use a webcam

Look at the lens, not the screen. It feels like eye contact to the other person.

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Look at the lens.

TIP 24

Use a toy or doll

Children’s toys with faces can be used for practice. It is playful.

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Try with a soft toy.

TIP 25

Use a statue or painting

Look at a face in art. It is a quiet, safe practice.

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Visit a gallery.

TIP 26

Use a mirror too

Alternate between pet, photo and mirror. Variety helps.

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Mix practice.

TIP 27

Use your imagination

Imagine looking at a kind friend. Notice how your face feels.

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Picture a friend.

TIP 28

Practise daily

A minute a day of safe practice builds comfort. Make it routine.

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Pick a time.

TIP 29

Practise before events

Look at a photo or pet before a big meeting. It warms you up.

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Do a quick look.

TIP 30

Increase gradually

Move from pets and photos to friends and then strangers. Climb the ladder.

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Write your ladder.

TIP 31

Reward progress

Notice each step and celebrate it. Treat yourself.

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Say, “I did it.”

TIP 32

Be kind

Do not criticise yourself. Everyone starts somewhere.

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Speak gently.

TIP 33

Share with a friend

Tell a friend about your practice. They may cheer you on.

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Share your plan.

TIP 34

Make it fun

Playfulness reduces pressure. Use funny faces and laughter.

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Play.

TIP 35

Keep records

Note how you feel before and after practice. See change.

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Write a line.

TIP 36

Be patient

It takes time to feel natural. Keep going.

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Practise for a month.

TIP 37

Remember the goal

The aim is comfortable, warm eye contact with people. Pets and photos are stepping stones.

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Keep your aim in mind.

TIP 38

Celebrate calm

When looking feels easy, enjoy it.

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Note a calm moment.

TIP 39

Trade eye contact with a baby

Babies are some of the best practice partners, because they love faces and do not judge. A smile, a look and a soft voice usually earns a delighted response, which builds your ease.

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Share a warm look and smile with a baby if you have the chance.

TIP 40

Practise looking at a speaker on screen

Pick a clear speaker in a video and look at their eyes as if you were in the room. It gives you the feeling of sustained eye contact without any social pressure.

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Watch two minutes of a talk and keep your gaze on the speaker’s face.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

START

“I will look at my pet.”

CALM

“I breathe slowly.”

HOLD

“I hold a gentle gaze.”

PHOTO

“I look at a friendly photo.”

NOTICE

“I feel calm.”

“That was easy.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose a pet or photo

DAY 2
Breathe

DAY 3
Look gently

DAY 4
Smile

DAY 5
Hold briefly

DAY 6
Praise

DAY 7
Repeat

More lessons in “Making Eye Contact”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

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