Practise With a Mirror First
Thirty easy ways to practise with a mirror first, so your eye contact feels safe before you try it with people.
Mirror, then people. Practice in private.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), Presence (Amy Cuddy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Mirror, then people
A mirror is a safe, private place to practise eye contact. You can look at your own eyes and smile without any pressure from another person.
Spend one minute at the mirror tonight.
Start with a smile
Smile at your reflection first. It sets a kind tone for the practice.
Smile for ten seconds.
Look into your own eyes
Hold your gaze for three seconds, then look away and return. It can feel odd at first, and that is okay.
Count three.
Notice how you feel
Observe the feeling without judging. It may be awkward, funny or emotional. All are fine.
Name the feeling.
Say a kind sentence
Say “Hello, you are doing well” to yourself. Kind words make the practice warm.
Say one kind line.
Practise greetings
Say “Hello, nice to meet you” to the mirror with a look and a smile. Rehearse your first impression.
Do five greetings.
Practise your name
Say your name with a steady look. “Hi, I am Sam.” It helps your introduction feel natural.
Say your name three times.
Practise a short story
Tell the mirror a thirty-second story and watch your eyes. Notice when you look away.
Tell a story to the mirror.
Practise listening face
Practise a kind, listening expression: soft eyes, a gentle nod. It is useful in conversation.
Practise nodding.
Practise a thank-you
Say “Thank you, I really appreciate it” with a warm look. Practise sincerity.
Say it twice.
Practise an apology
Say “I am sorry” with a steady, soft look. Practise sincerity without looking away.
Say it calmly.
Practise saying no
Say “No, thank you” with a calm look. Practise kindness with firmness.
Say it once.
Practise the brow gaze
Look at the space between your eyebrows and feel the difference. It is a useful alternative.
Compare brow and eye.
Practise the triangle
Move your gaze between your eyes and mouth in a soft triangle. It looks relaxed.
Trace the triangle.
Practise blinking
Blink naturally. Notice if you hold your eyes too wide.
Soften your eyes.
Practise relaxing your forehead
Tension in the brow can make a look stern. Relax and smile.
Release your forehead.
Practise your resting face
Notice what your face looks like when relaxed. A gentle half-smile is welcoming.
Find your friendly neutral.
Practise looking away softly
Practise looking away to the side and returning. Make it gentle.
Do five rounds.
Practise breathing
Breathe slowly as you look. It calms the nerves.
Breathe out.
Practise with a timer
Set a timer for one minute and keep a soft look. It builds comfort.
Set it for one minute.
Practise at different times
Try it in the morning and the evening. Notice any difference.
Try both.
Practise with different lighting
Soft light is kinder. Notice how light affects your look.
Face a window.
Practise with glasses
If you wear glasses, check for glare and clean the lenses. Make sure eyes are visible.
Wipe your lenses.
Practise with distance
Move closer and further to see what feels natural. It shows how distance affects intensity.
Try two distances.
Record yourself
A short video lets you see your look as others do. It is revealing and helpful.
Record thirty seconds.
Watch your recording kindly
Look for what you do well first. Then choose one thing to adjust.
Say one good thing.
Practise before events
Do a minute at the mirror before an interview or party. It warms you up.
Warm up.
Practise before calls
A quick smile and look at the mirror helps your voice sound warm.
Smile at the mirror.
Move on to people
After a few days, practise with a friend, a pet or a cashier. Use the same warm look.
Move from mirror to person.
Keep it short
One to two minutes is plenty. Little and often works.
Set a short timer.
Keep it kind
Do not criticise your face. Be gentle.
Say kind words.
Keep it private
Practise where you feel safe. No one needs to know.
Close the door.
Make it a routine
Link it to brushing your teeth. Habit stacking helps.
Do it daily.
Track your comfort
Rate your comfort out of ten each day. Watch the number rise.
Note a number.
Be patient
It may feel silly at first. Persist.
Give it two weeks.
Remember it is a tool
The mirror is training, not the goal. The goal is connection.
Aim for people.
Smile at the end
End with a smile and a thank you to yourself.
Smile.
Celebrate
Every minute at the mirror is a step toward ease. Be proud.
Say, “Well done.”
Practise your listening look
In the mirror, imagine a friend telling you good news and let your face respond: raised brows, soft eyes, a small smile. Rehearsing a responsive face makes it come more easily in real conversations.
Rehearse a “good news” face for thirty seconds.
Notice what your face does when you think
Many people frown or stare when thinking. Spotting your thinking face in the mirror lets you soften it, so you look relaxed even while you search for a word.
Think about a question and watch your face, then soften it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I will practise for two minutes.”
“I look into my own eyes.”
“I smile gently.”
“Hello, nice to meet you.”
“I look kind.”
“That felt good.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Find a mirror
Breathe
Look at your eyes
Smile
Say hello
Notice
Repeat
Further reading
- What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro)
- The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
- Presence (Amy Cuddy)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Making Eye Contact”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Look at the Eyes, Then the SmileNext: Practise With a Pet or a Photo →
- What Eye Contact Really Says
- Why Looking Away Feels Safer
- The Trust Signal in Your Eyes
- How Eye Contact Builds Connection
- What Science Says About Gaze
- Too Little, Too Much, Just Right
- Why It Feels Hard, and Why It Gets Easier
- Begin With the Space Between the Eyebrows
- The Three-Second Rule
- Look at the Eyes, Then the Smile
- Practise With a Mirror First
- Practise With a Pet or a Photo
- Hold a Gaze for One More Second
- Build Up Slowly Day by Day
- Look While Listening, Glance While Thinking
- The Triangle Technique
- Break Eye Contact the Natural Way
- Eye Contact in Groups
- Keep Contact When You Are Talking About Yourself
- Match the Other Person's Comfort
- Use Your Eyes to Show Interest
- The First Hello
- Job Interviews and Eye Contact
- Eye Contact When Saying Sorry
- Eye Contact on a Date
- Hold Your Gaze When Saying No
- Eye Contact When Giving a Speech
- Eye Contact With Someone Senior
- Look at the Camera, Not the Screen
- Set Your Screen Up for Better Contact
- Nod and React on Video
- Avoid the Wandering Eye Online
- Look Present on a Long Call
- Build Warmth Through a Lens
- Eye Contact Rules Around the World
- When Eye Contact Is Hard for Neurodivergent People
- Respect Someone Who Avoids Your Gaze
- Keep It Gentle, Never Intense
- Your Daily Eye Contact Challenge
- Make It a Natural Habit
