Give Before You Ask
Forty practical ways to give before you ask, so trust grows first and sales follow naturally.
Generosity opens doors. Give first, without strings.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann), Give and Take (Adam Grant), Influence (Robert Cialdini), and Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Giving builds trust
People trust those who give before they ask. Give first, and sales follow. Giving builds trust, and trust builds sales.
Change the question: what can I give this person? Choose one small, useful gift this week.
Give something genuinely useful
A gift must help them, not only impress them. Think about their need. A genuinely useful gift shows that you listened.
Listen for a challenge the person faces. Find something that helps with that.
Give without strings
A gift with a hidden price is not a gift. Let it stand alone. A gift without strings builds the strongest trust.
Give, and do not ask in the same message. Say that no reply is needed.
Give knowledge
What you know can help others. Share it freely. Knowledge shared is trust earned.
Write down three things you know that help customers. Share one in your next meeting.
Give introductions
Connecting people is a lasting gift. Think of who should meet whom. A good introduction is a lasting gift.
Think of two people who could help each other. Ask each if they are happy to be introduced.
Give early
Give before the sale, not after. Early giving starts the trust. Give early, and let them see your character.
In the first contact, share one helpful idea. Answer questions fully before they buy.
Ask what would help most
Do not guess. Ask them. It shows respect. Ask what would help most, and give exactly that.
Ask, ‘What would help you most right now?’ Listen to the answer.
Give recognition
Praise good work, in public if you can. It costs nothing. Recognition is a free gift that people remember.
Notice one thing someone did well. Say it specifically.
Give time
Time is the scarcest gift. Give it with your full attention. Give your time with full attention, and it is a rare gift.
Block an hour each week for helping others. Give your full attention when you do.
Give consistently
One gift is nice. A pattern is trust. Make giving regular. Consistent giving turns kindness into a reputation.
Choose a rhythm: weekly, monthly, or both. Set reminders in your diary.
Keep a gift log
Write down what you give and why. It helps you to give well, not to count. A gift log helps you to give with thought.
Start a simple log: person, date, gift, reason. Add a line after each gift.
Set healthy limits
Generosity needs boundaries. Give within your means. Healthy limits keep your generosity alive.
Decide how much time you can give each week. Put it in your diary.
Receive gracefully
Giving is also receiving. Say thank you and mean it. Receive gracefully, and giving flows both ways.
When praised or helped, say thank you. Do not wave it away.
Give today
Do not wait for the perfect gift. Give something small now.
Choose one person today. Ask: what small thing would help them now?
Give a useful article
Share a short read that solves their problem. Add one line on why. A relevant article is a quick, useful gift.
When you read something good, think of who needs it. Send it with one line on why.
Give a quick tip
A small, practical tip is a gift. Share one in every conversation. A quick tip is a small gift with big warmth.
Listen for a problem you can help with. Ask if they would like a tip.
Give a free check or review
A short review of their plan shows care. Offer it with a clear limit. A free review shows your skill and your care.
Offer a clear, limited review. Do it well, and be honest.
Give a template or checklist
Tools save people time. Share one you already use. A good template is a gift used again and again.
List the templates and checklists you use weekly. Clean one up and remove private data.
Give a warm introduction
Make the introduction personal and specific. Say why they should meet. A warm, specific introduction is a gift to both people.
Ask both if they are happy to be introduced. Write who they are and why they should meet.
Give a public thank-you
Praise a partner where others can see. It lifts them, and shows your character. A public thank-you lifts them and shows your character.
Pick a person or team who did something well. Thank them specifically, where others can see.
Give your full attention
Undivided attention is the rarest gift. Put the phone away. Full attention is a rare and valuable gift.
Silence your phone and close other windows. Look at the person, and listen without planning.
Give feedback they can use
Kind, honest feedback helps people to grow. Be specific and caring. Honest, kind feedback is a gift that helps people to grow.
Ask permission before giving feedback. Start with what works, then be specific.
Give a referral
Send business to people you trust. It builds goodwill both ways. A good referral is a gift to everyone involved.
Refer only people you truly trust. Give names, contacts and a short reason.
Give a small surprise
A little unexpected help makes a big memory. Think of something small and kind. A small surprise leaves a big memory.
Think of something small that fits the person. Send it with a short, warm line.
Give a handwritten note
A few lines by hand stand out. Write one today. A handwritten note is a personal gift that people keep.
Keep cards and a good pen on your desk. Write three or four sentences, with a specific detail.
Give them a shortcut
Save them time with a smart route. Share what you wish you had known. A shortcut is a gift of time.
Ask: what do I wish I had known earlier? Share it with someone facing the same task.
Give your honest opinion
Trusted advisors say what they truly think. Share your view kindly. An honest opinion, kindly given, makes you a trusted advisor.
When asked, give your view clearly, with reasons. Say what you do not know.
Give credit to others
Naming other people’s help is a generous habit. Share the praise. Give credit generously, and people will want to help you.
After a success, list who helped. Name them specifically, in public or in writing.
Give when they are struggling
Hard times are when help is most valued. Offer help quietly and sincerely. Give help in hard times, and it is never forgotten.
Reach out with a short, kind message. Offer specific help, and listen.
Give without expecting a reply
Let the gift stand alone. Say, ‘No need to reply’. A true gift needs no reply.
Write, ‘No need to reply,’ and mean it. Do not chase for a response.
Give at the right size
Small, thoughtful gifts feel natural. Keep it modest. Give at the right size, and giving feels natural.
Ask: would this feel natural to receive? Choose a modest gift that fits their interest.
Give to people who may never buy
Generosity belongs to everyone. Help a non-customer. Help those who may never buy, and your character shows.
Look for someone who may never buy, and could use help. Give a small, real piece of help.
Give your time to mentor
Guiding others builds respect. Offer a short mentor chat. Mentoring is a gift that grows in both directions.
Offer a small, regular time, such as thirty minutes a month. Listen more than you speak.
Give in your content: teach freely
Teaching in public shows your skill. Share what you know. Teaching freely shows your skill and builds trust.
List the five questions customers ask most. Answer one honestly in a short post or video.
Give before the first meeting
A useful note before you meet sets a warm tone. Send something helpful first. Give something before the first meeting, and start warm.
After booking, look at what they might need. Send a short, useful note, with no pitch.
Give after the sale
Care after the sale makes a customer for life. Check in with help. Care after the sale makes customers for life.
Check in a few weeks after the sale. Offer a helpful tip or contact.
Avoid gifts that feel like bribes
Keep gifts simple and open. Choose help over presents. Keep your giving clean and open.
Ask: would I be happy for anyone to see this? Avoid gifts near decisions.
Follow company rules on gifts
Know the limits that apply to you and to them. Read the gift policy. Follow the rules on gifts, and protect trust.
Read your firm’s policy on gifts. Learn the rules of the person’s organisation.
Notice how giving feels
Giving also lifts the giver. Note how you feel. Notice how giving feels, and let it be a joy.
After you give, pause and notice how you feel. Write one line about it.
Make giving a habit
A small weekly gift becomes a strong reputation. Choose a day. Make giving a habit, and trust will follow.
Choose a day for giving. Give one thing that day, and log it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“I put together a short guide that might help you.”
“Here is a tip you can use today.”
“I know someone you should meet.”
“I am happy to review it for ten minutes.”
“Thanks for trying it.”
“If it helps, we can go further.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Give one useful tip
Share one article
Make one introduction
Offer one free review
Send one thank-you
Ask for nothing this week
Notice what comes back
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann)
- The Trusted Advisor (David Maister and others)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Build Trust That Lasts”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Admit a Mistake and Fix It FastNext: Show Proof Instead of Making Claims →
- Smile Like You Mean It
- Use Their Name the Right Way
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Match Their Pace and Energy
- Small Talk That Opens Doors
- Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
- The First Five Minutes Checklist
- Do What You Say You Will Do
- Be Honest About What You Cannot Do
- Share Bad News Early
- Admit a Mistake and Fix It Fast
- Give Before You Ask
- Show Proof Instead of Making Claims
- Keep Promises Small and Real
- Be an Expert Who Teaches
- Give Free Value That Matters
- Recommend What Is Right, Even If It Is Smaller
- Tell Customers What You Would Do
- Be Independent and Honest
- Think Long Term, Not This Month
- Make Customers Smarter
- Open Posture, Open Mind
- The Right Amount of Eye Contact
- A Voice That Feels Safe
- Mirror Without Mimicking
- Dress for the Customer You Serve
- Make Video Calls Feel Personal
- Read Signs of Discomfort
- Remember the Small Details
- Send the Unexpected Thank-You
- Check In Without Selling
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Introduce People to Each Other
- Build a Simple Relationship System
- What to Do When You Make a Mistake
- A Sincere Apology That Works
- Turn an Angry Customer Into a Fan
- Rebuild Trust After a Missed Deadline
- When a Customer Doubts You
- Rise Above Gossip and Reviews
