Send the Unexpected Thank-You
Forty practical ways to send the unexpected thank-you, a small surprise that people remember for years.
Unexpected thanks are rare and memorable. Mean it and keep it simple.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Thanks! (Robert Emmons), Give and Take (Adam Grant), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and The Power of Moments (Chip Heath and Dan Heath), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Why an unexpected thank-you is remembered for years
Most thank-yous are expected. They come with the receipt, at the end of the call or in the standard email, and they are forgotten. An unexpected thank-you, sent when nothing required it, is rare, and that is why people remember it for years.
Choose one person who helped you in the last month. Send them a short, specific thank-you today, with no request in it.
Thank them for one specific thing
‘Thanks for everything’ is warm but forgettable. ‘Thank you for staying late on Tuesday to fix our order’ lands. The more specific it is, the more real it feels. Name the act, say what it meant and say it simply.
Write one thank-you today with three parts: what they did, what it meant to you and a warm close. Keep it to three sentences.
Send it when you want nothing
The best thank-you has no purpose except thanks. When it arrives at a time when you want nothing, the person knows it is true. If you send it just before a request, they may doubt it. Choose a quiet moment, and say nothing more.
Pick a customer you do not need anything from right now. Send them a short thank-you with no next step and no question.
The power of handwriting
A handwritten note stands out in a world of email. It shows time, effort and thought. People often keep them for years, on a desk or a fridge. Your handwriting need not be beautiful. It only needs to be yours.
Buy a small set of plain cards and stamps. Write one handwritten thank-you this week, and post it.
Three sentences are enough
A thank-you does not need to be long. In fact, short is stronger. Three sentences are enough: what you are thanking them for, what it meant and a warm close. A short note is read, kept and remembered.
Write your next thank-you in exactly three sentences. Read it aloud, and cut any word that does not help.
Do not attach a hidden ask
A thank-you with a hidden ask is not a thank-you. ‘Thank you for your business. By the way, could you leave a review?’ The second sentence undoes the first. Keep thanks pure, and ask on another day.
Look at your last thank-you message. If it contained a request, send the thanks alone next time, and ask separately, on another day.
A small gift that fits one person
A gift can add warmth to a thank-you, if it fits the person. A small gift chosen for one person shows that you know them, while a general gift sent to everyone shows only that you have a list. Thoughtful is better than costly.
Think of one customer. Choose a small gift under a modest cost that fits something they love: a book, a plant or a favourite tea. Send it with a short note.
Tell others something good about them
One of the finest thank-yous is a good word to others. When you tell a third person, ‘Maria is the most careful baker I know’, you give her something money cannot buy: a good reputation. Do it sincerely.
Today, say something good and true about a customer to someone who may need their help. Tell the customer that you did so.
Thank them for a complaint
A complaint is a gift in an ugly wrapping. The customer who complains cares enough to tell you, while many others simply leave without a word. Thank the person who complains, and you turn a bad moment into a start of trust.
The next time you receive a complaint, begin your reply with, ‘Thank you for telling me. It helps me to fix it.’ Then listen.
Thank them for their patience
When there is a delay, a mistake or a long process, customers wait, and waiting is a kind of gift. Thank them for their patience in a specific, warm way, to show that you see what it cost them.
The next time you cause a delay, say, ‘Thank you for waiting, and for being so understanding. I know it was not easy.’ Then fix what you can.
Time it so it lands softly
A thank-you has a right moment. Too soon, and it may seem automatic. Too late, and it may seem forgotten. Aim for soon after the act, in a calm hour, such as a quiet morning, so it is read with full attention.
Plan your next thank-you for the right moment: within two days of the act, and at an hour when the person is likely to be calm.
Thank them beyond what they expect
Expected thanks keeps a relationship level, but thanks beyond expectation lifts it. When you do a little more than the usual, such as a call, a personal detail or a small gesture, the person feels special.
Next time you send the usual thank-you, add one thing more: a personal line, a short call or a small gesture that fits them.
Choose the right card
A card says something before it is opened. A plain, simple card feels sincere, while a loud, funny or very glossy card may feel wrong for a serious thank-you. Match the card to the person and the moment, and keep a few good cards at hand.
Buy a small stock of five to ten plain, good cards today, and keep them in your desk or bag. Choose designs that suit different people.
Thank them after a hard month
After a hard month, such as a crisis, a long delay or a big problem, customers remember who stayed with them. A sincere thank-you at the end shows that you saw the cost to them, and heals the difficult time.
After a hard period with a customer, send a note: ‘Thank you for staying with us through a difficult month. I know it was not easy.’
Thank them for a referral
A referral is one of the greatest compliments a customer can give. They risked their own name to send someone to you. Say thank you fast, say it well and keep them informed.
Thank anyone who has referred someone to you in the past month. Write a personal note, and tell them how it went.
Thank them for feedback
Feedback, kind or hard, is a gift of time and honesty. Many people never give it. If someone takes the trouble to tell you what works and what does not, thank them warmly, and show what you did with it.
Thank one person for feedback today, and tell them one thing that you changed because of it. Keep it short and honest.
Thank them for paying on time
Most sellers chase late payers and ignore those who pay on time. But good habits deserve thanks. A short note to a customer who pays on time says, ‘I see your care, and I value it.’ It rewards the behaviour you want.
Send a short thank-you to three customers who always pay on time: ‘Thank you for always paying promptly. It makes my work easier.’
Thank them for staying with you
Loyalty is rarely thanked. Customers who stay year after year are often taken for granted, while new customers get all the offers. A warm thank-you for staying says, ‘We know you had choices, and you chose us.’
Choose your three longest-standing customers. Write a personal thank-you to each for staying with you, and mention a specific memory.
Thank them on their anniversary with you
The anniversary of a customer’s first order or first meeting is a natural moment to thank them. It is not a sales event. It is a quiet marker that says, ‘I remember how we began.’ A short note shows that you value the whole journey.
Find the start date of three customers’ relationships with you. Add each anniversary to your calendar, and plan a short note.
Thank their team, not only the boss
Behind every customer is a team: the assistant who books, the buyer who checks, the driver who receives. If you thank only the boss, the others feel invisible. A note to the team, or to one member by name, is a gift that few give.
Think of the people who help you at a customer’s company. Write a short thank-you to one of them by name, copying their manager if suitable.
Thank the assistant who helped you
Assistants and receptionists are the doorkeepers of the business world. They manage time, messages and doors, and they are often treated as invisible. Thank an assistant sincerely, and you honour a person who is rarely thanked.
Today, write a short note to an assistant who helped you, and mention one specific act. Send it to them directly, not through their boss.
Thank a supplier or partner
Your trust-building does not stop with customers. Suppliers and partners help you to serve well. If you thank them, they take more care of your orders, deadlines and name. A simple note, a prompt payment and a kind word make you a customer that suppliers love.
Write a thank-you to one supplier or partner today, naming one thing that they did well for your customers.
Thank a former customer
A customer who left may still carry good feelings, or may be unhappy. A thank-you for the time that you worked together is rare and can open a door. Do not ask them to return. Simply thank them and wish them well.
Think of a former customer. Send a short note: ‘I want to thank you for the time we worked together. I wish you every success.’
Thank a customer who said no
When a customer says no, many sellers feel hurt or push harder. A wiser response is to thank them for their time and honesty. A clear no is a gift, and people remember how you treat them when they do not buy.
After your next ‘no’, send a short note: ‘Thank you for considering us, and for your honesty. I wish you every success.’ Send it that day.
Thank them in public, with permission
A public thank-you, such as a post, a mention in a meeting or a toast, can mean a great deal. People like to be recognised among others, but some dislike attention, so always ask first. Get permission, and be specific.
Ask one customer, ‘May I thank you in public for your support?’ If yes, write a specific, warm post or mention.
Send a thank-you video
A short video thank-you shows your face, voice and smile. It feels personal and close, and takes only a minute. It does not need polish. It needs warmth. Speak to the person as you would in a room.
Record a thirty-second video on your phone: ‘Hello, Maria. I want to thank you for X. It meant a lot.’ Send it to her directly.
Send a thank-you voice note
A voice note carries tone, warmth and laughter. It is simple to send, and it feels like a small visit. Thirty seconds of your real voice can say more than a page of text. Speak slowly and kindly.
Send one thank-you voice note today to a customer who likes voice messages. Keep it under thirty seconds, and smile as you speak.
Send a thank-you with a photo
A photo can make a thank-you personal and vivid. A picture of the finished work, the team or a happy result shows the person what their trust created. It turns thanks into a story. Respect everyone’s privacy.
Send a thank-you today with one photo that shows what the customer’s trust made possible. Write two lines to go with it.
Send flowers, only if they fit
Flowers are a classic thank-you, but they are not right for everyone. Some people have allergies or dislike cut flowers, and some work in places where gifts are not allowed. Think first, and then choose.
Before you send flowers, ask yourself three questions: does the person like them, are gifts allowed and is it the right moment? If any answer is no, choose another gift.
Send food that suits their taste
Food is a warm and social gift. A box of chocolates, a basket of fruit or a tray of sweets for the team can bring smiles. But tastes, diets and customs differ, so choose with care.
Look in your notes for a customer’s favourite food or diet. Send a small, suitable treat with a one-line note, such as ‘A little thank-you for you and the team.’
Donate in their name, if suitable
A donation to a cause the person cares about can be a deep thank-you. It shows that you know their values and wish to do good in their name. But causes can be personal and sensitive, so choose with care, and ask if unsure.
Think of a customer whose cause you know well, such as a local school or animal shelter. Ask if they would welcome a small donation in their name.
Thank them by remembering a detail
Sometimes the best thank-you is not a gift, but a remembered detail. ‘I remember that you love lemon cake. Here is a small one for your team.’ A detail remembered is a thank-you that costs nothing but attention.
Look in your notes for a personal detail about a customer. Build a small thank-you around it, such as a link, a card or a treat.
Thank them with your time
Time is the most precious gift we have. When you give a customer your time, with full attention, as a thank-you, it speaks deeply. A coffee, a walk or a call with no agenda can mean more than a gift.
Offer one customer a short, no-agenda meeting or call: ‘I would love to hear how you are, with no business on the table.’
Thank them by doing something useful
Sometimes the finest thank-you is a useful act. You fix something, share a contact, solve a small problem or save them an hour. Think about what they need, and do a small, real piece of work for them.
Think of one customer. Find one small way to save them time or trouble this week, and do it without being asked. Then tell them in one line.
Thank them at the end of a project
The end of a project is a natural time for thanks. You have worked together, solved problems and made something. A proper thank-you closes it well and leaves a good memory. Make yours end with warmth, not just an invoice.
At the end of your next project, write a short letter: what you valued, what you learned from them and what you hope for next.
Write a thank-you after a meeting
After a meeting, a short thank-you shows good manners and good memory. ‘Thank you for your time today. I enjoyed our talk about your plans.’ Send it within a day, and keep it short, warm and specific.
After your next meeting, send a thank-you within a day: one line of thanks, one line about something that you enjoyed and one line about the next step.
Thank them on holidays that matter to them
Holidays are times when people think of others. A short, warm message on a holiday that matters to them shows respect for their culture and their life. It must be the right holiday and the right words. Ask or learn which holidays they keep.
Find out which holidays three of your customers celebrate. Add them to your calendar, and send a short, warm message on each.
Avoid thanking too grandly
A thank-you that is too big can feel awkward. Huge gifts, long speeches and flowery praise may make the person uneasy, or even suspicious. A simple, honest and proportionate thank-you is better. Match the size of your thanks to the size of the act.
Before you send a thank-you, ask: ‘Is this in proportion to what they did?’ If it feels too big, scale it down to a simple, warm note.
Keep a thank-you list
It is easy to mean to thank someone and forget. A simple list solves it. Each time someone helps you, note the name and what they did. Then, once a week, send a few thank-yous from the list.
Start a thank-you list today, in a notebook or on your phone. Write the names of three people to thank, and send the first note.
Make thanking a weekly habit
The unexpected thank-you becomes powerful when it becomes a habit. One or two thank-yous each week, over years, will change your relationships, your reputation and your own happiness. Put it in your calendar, and make it small and sure.
Block fifteen minutes in your calendar each Friday for thank-yous. Send at least two. Keep it up for a month, and notice what changes.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“I wanted to say thank you for your trust this year.”
“Your quick reply saved our project.”
“It has been a pleasure working with you.”
“If I can ever help, please ask.”
“With gratitude, Sam.”
“No reason, only appreciation.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List five people to thank
Write one handwritten card
Send one email thank-you
Thank someone in front of others
Thank a gatekeeper
Send a thank-you after a lost deal
Review the response
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann)
- The Trusted Advisor (David Maister and others)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Build Trust That Lasts”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Remember the Small DetailsNext: Check In Without Selling →
- Smile Like You Mean It
- Use Their Name the Right Way
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Match Their Pace and Energy
- Small Talk That Opens Doors
- Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
- The First Five Minutes Checklist
- Do What You Say You Will Do
- Be Honest About What You Cannot Do
- Share Bad News Early
- Admit a Mistake and Fix It Fast
- Give Before You Ask
- Show Proof Instead of Making Claims
- Keep Promises Small and Real
- Be an Expert Who Teaches
- Give Free Value That Matters
- Recommend What Is Right, Even If It Is Smaller
- Tell Customers What You Would Do
- Be Independent and Honest
- Think Long Term, Not This Month
- Make Customers Smarter
- Open Posture, Open Mind
- The Right Amount of Eye Contact
- A Voice That Feels Safe
- Mirror Without Mimicking
- Dress for the Customer You Serve
- Make Video Calls Feel Personal
- Read Signs of Discomfort
- Remember the Small Details
- Send the Unexpected Thank-You
- Check In Without Selling
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Introduce People to Each Other
- Build a Simple Relationship System
- What to Do When You Make a Mistake
- A Sincere Apology That Works
- Turn an Angry Customer Into a Fan
- Rebuild Trust After a Missed Deadline
- When a Customer Doubts You
- Rise Above Gossip and Reviews
