Check In Without Selling
Forty practical ways to check in without selling, so contact feels like care and not a hidden pitch.
Check-ins build bonds. No agenda is the best agenda.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Give and Take (Adam Grant), The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann), and Youtility (Jay Baer), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Why a check-in with no pitch is rare, and loved
Almost every message we receive wants something: a sale, a click, a favour. A message that wants nothing, only to ask, ‘How are you?’, stands out at once. It tells the customer you value them as a person, not only as a source of income.
Choose one customer you have not spoken to for a month. Send one short message that asks how they are, and asks for nothing else.
Ask how they are, and mean it
‘How are you?’ is often a formula that people say without waiting for an answer. But when you ask it with real interest and then truly listen, it can open the door to a real conversation. People can tell the difference at once.
In your next check-in, ask, ‘How are you really?’ Then wait for the answer, without rushing to the next topic.
Never hide a pitch inside a check-in
A check-in with a hidden pitch is worse than no check-in at all. ‘Just checking in, and by the way, we have a new offer’ is a trick. Customers see through it at once, and it makes them doubt all your future messages.
Read your last check-in. If it contained any pitch, rewrite it to be free of one. Then send the clean version next time.
Share something useful, with no strings
One of the best check-ins is a gift of value: an article, a tip, a name or a tool that helps the person in their work or life. It shows that you think about their needs. Give it freely, and do not ask for anything in return.
Think of one customer’s current challenge. Send one useful article, link or idea that might help, with one line: ‘Thought of you. No reply needed.’
Say "no reply needed"
A simple phrase can change the feel of a message: ‘No reply needed.’ It lifts the weight from the reader. They do not have to answer, so they can enjoy the message. It tells them that you respect their time.
End your next check-in with the line, ‘No reply needed. I just wanted to say hello.’ Notice how people respond.
Pick up where you left off
The best check-ins continue a conversation. ‘Last time, you told me that your daughter was starting university. How did it go?’ This shows that you listened and carry the thread. Use your notes, pick one open thread and ask about it.
Before your next check-in, read your last notes. Choose one open thread, such as a plan or a worry, and ask how it went.
Keep it under one minute
A good check-in is short. If it takes more than a minute to read or to hear, it becomes a burden. Short messages are read, and short calls are welcomed. A few warm lines are enough. Respect for time is respect for the person.
Write your next check-in in three or four lines. Read it aloud. If it takes more than thirty seconds, cut it.
Find a rhythm they enjoy
How often should you check in? Too often, and it feels like pressure. Too rarely, and you are forgotten. The right rhythm is the one the customer enjoys. It differs for each person, and it can change over time.
Choose three customers. For each, decide a rhythm: monthly, quarterly or twice a year. Note it in your calendar, and watch how they respond.
Respect their silence
Sometimes a customer does not reply. They may be busy, tired or just quiet. A silence is not always a no. Respect it. Do not chase them, do not take it personally, and make your next check-in as warm as the last.
If someone does not reply to a check-in, wait for your planned time, and send the next one as warm as ever. Do not mention the silence.
Offer help, and be specific
‘Let me know if I can help’ sounds kind, but it rarely leads to anything. A specific offer is much stronger: ‘I can introduce you to a good accountant, if that would help.’ Offer something concrete, small and real.
In your next check-in, offer one specific piece of help: an introduction, a short review or an hour of your time. Make it easy to accept.
Use the channel they like
Some people love email, some answer texts at once, some prefer a phone call and some love a handwritten note. If you check in by the channel they prefer, your message is welcome. Ask once, note it and keep to it.
Ask three customers, ‘What is the best way to keep in touch?’ Write down each answer, and use it for your next check-in.
Track your check-ins, lightly
It is easy to mean to check in and to forget. A light system solves it. A simple list, a calendar note or a tag in your contact app shows who you contacted, when and what you said. Keep it light, so that you use it.
Make a simple list of your top twenty contacts, with a column for the date of your last check-in and the date for the next. Update it weekly.
Enjoy it, so they enjoy it too
If checking in feels like a chore, it will read like a chore. If you enjoy it, the joy comes through. Treat each check-in as a small visit with a person you like, and smile as you write.
Choose one person you really like. Write a check-in to them, smiling, and let a little of your real self show.
Say why you are writing, at once
A message that does not say why it was sent makes the reader wonder, ‘What do they want?’ That small worry spoils the warmth. Say why you are writing in the first line: ‘I was thinking of you today.’
Begin your next check-in with a clear, honest reason: ‘I was thinking of you today, and wanted to say hello.’ Add nothing hidden.
Check in after a big event
After a big event in a customer’s life or business, such as a launch, a move or a busy season, a check-in is a gift. It shows that you remember what mattered and want to hear how it went. Wait a few days, then reach out.
Check your notes for a customer’s recent big event. Send a short message: ‘I remembered that your launch was last week. How did it go?’
Check in after bad news in their industry
When bad news hits an industry, such as a new law, a market fall or a big failure, the people in it feel worried. A short, kind check-in says, ‘I know this is a hard time, and I am thinking of you.’ Do it without selling.
When you see bad news in a customer’s industry, send a short message: ‘I saw the news about X. How is it affecting you? I am thinking of you.’
Check in after good news in their industry
When good news arrives in a customer’s field, such as a new market, an award or growth, they feel pride and hope. A short note sharing their joy shows that you follow their world. It says, ‘I am glad with you.’
When you see good news in a customer’s industry, send a short note: ‘I saw the good news about X. I thought of you, and I am glad.’
Check in when a project ends
When a project ends, many sellers vanish until the next sale. But the end of a project is an ideal time for a quiet check-in. ‘How is it working now?’ These questions show that you care about the result, and catch small problems early.
Two weeks after your next project ends, send a short check-in: ‘How is everything working? Is there anything I can improve?’
Check in during a quiet season
Every business has quiet seasons. During them, people have more time, and may feel less busy and more open. A warm check-in at such a time is welcome. Use the quiet season to build bonds that will serve you in the busy one.
Find the quiet season of three customers. Plan a warm, no-pitch check-in for each of them, during that time.
Check in before a busy season
Before a busy season, customers feel pressure. A short, caring check-in, a week or two before, can help: ‘How are you preparing? Is there anything that I can do to make it easier?’ Offer a helpful plan, not a sales push.
Find the busy season of three customers. Two weeks before it begins, send a short message offering one practical way to help.
Check in on their birthday week
A birthday week is a gentle, natural time to reach out. You can send a short, warm note without any other reason. It says, ‘I thought of you on your special week.’ Do it only if the person has shared the date, and keep it free of offers.
Add three customers’ birthdays to your calendar, if they have shared them. In each week, send a short, warm note with no offer.
Send an article they will like
An article chosen for one person is a lovely check-in. It says, ‘I saw this, and I thought of you.’ It needs only a link and one line. A good article that fits their interest shows that you know them.
Find one article that fits a customer’s interest or challenge. Send it with one line: ‘Saw this and thought of you. No reply needed.’
Send a useful tool or link
A useful tool, such as a template, a calculator, a checklist or a free app, can be a wonderful check-in. It saves them time and shows that you think about their daily work. Choose something that fits their need and is easy to use.
Think of one task that a customer finds hard. Find or make a simple tool, such as a checklist or a template, and send it, free.
Introduce someone helpful
One of the best check-ins is an introduction. You connect your customer with someone who can help them, such as a supplier, an expert or a peer. It costs you little and may be worth a great deal to them. Ask permission from both sides.
Think of one customer’s need. Think of a person who could help. Ask both if they would welcome an introduction, and send a short email.
Ask for their opinion, not their money
People love to be asked for their opinion. It shows respect for their experience and judgement. When you ask a customer, ‘What do you think of this idea?’, you invite them into your world as a valued adviser. Do not link it to a sale.
Ask one customer for their honest view on something real, such as a new idea or a draft. Say, ‘Your opinion would mean a lot, with no obligation.’
Ask what they are working on
‘What are you working on at the moment?’ is one of the best questions for a check-in. It opens the door to their current world, and shows that you want to understand it. Listen to the answer, and remember it.
In your next check-in, ask, ‘What are you working on at the moment that excites you?’ Listen, and write down the answer.
Ask what would make their month easier
A kind and powerful question is, ‘What would make your month easier?’ It invites the person to think of their real needs, big or small, and shows that you wish to help. Sometimes the answer is simple, and you can do it at once.
In your next check-in, ask, ‘What is one thing that would make your month easier?’ Then do what you can, or help to find a way.
Offer a short walk or coffee
A short walk or a coffee is a human way to check in. It takes the relationship out of the screen and into the real world. People often speak more freely on a walk than in a meeting room. Keep it short, and make it easy to say yes.
Invite one customer for a twenty-minute coffee or walk, near their office, with no agenda. Say, ‘I would love to catch up, no business.’
Offer a call with no agenda
A call with no agenda is a rare and lovely thing. ‘I would love a short chat, with no business to discuss.’ It signals that you value the person for themselves, and often leads to the most open conversations. Do not slip a pitch into the call.
Offer one customer a fifteen-minute call with no agenda. Say, ‘No business, just a catch-up.’ Keep your word.
Send a short voice note
A voice note carries warmth that text cannot. In thirty seconds, you can say hello, share a thought and let your tone show your care. Use it with people who like voice messages, and keep it short.
Send one thirty-second voice note to a customer who likes them: ‘Hi Maria, just thinking of you. Hope that your week is going well.’
Check in by video
A short video check-in lets people see your face and hear your voice. It is warm, personal and close. A thirty-second clip can say, ‘I am thinking of you’ in a way that text cannot. Keep it simple, with no script and no polish.
Record a thirty-second video: ‘Hi Maria, just thinking of you. Hope your week is going well. No need to reply.’ Send it privately.
Check in with a handwritten line
A handwritten line on a card or a note is a small act with a large effect. It takes a minute and shows effort. In a world of screens, a few written words are a rare and warm surprise. A single sentence is enough.
Write one sentence on a card today, such as ‘Thinking of you. Hope all is well.’ Sign it, address it by hand and post it.
Check in after a holiday
After a holiday, people are rested or tired, and full of stories. A short check-in then is welcome: ‘I hope that you had a lovely break. How was it?’ It is a warm, easy way to open a conversation, and it marks a fresh start.
After the next holiday season, send three customers a short message: ‘I hope that you had a lovely break. How was it?’
Check in on their team too
Your customer’s team shapes their day. If you check in with the people around them, and ask about their health, progress and needs, you show care for the whole organisation. Teams notice, and they speak well of you to their boss.
Send a short, warm note to one member of a customer’s team: ‘Hi Priya, I hope the new project is going well for you and the team.’
Check in with those who left you
Customers who left you are often forgotten. But a kind, honest check-in, with no pitch, can show that you hold no grudge. It leaves the door open. Say, ‘I hope that all is well with you. I wish you every success.’ Nothing more.
Choose one former customer. Send a short, warm note with no pitch: ‘I hope that all is well with you. I wish you every success.’
Check in with those who never bought
People who never bought may still be your friends, advisers or future customers. A kind check-in, with no push, keeps the relationship alive. They may not need you now, but they may later, and they may send others. Plant seeds, and do not demand fruit.
Choose one person who never bought. Send a short, warm message with a useful link, and ask for nothing.
Never guilt them for silence
‘I have not heard from you in a while’ creates guilt. It makes the person feel they owe you a reply, and turns a warm check-in into a debt. Say instead, ‘I am thinking of you, and there is no need to reply.’
Check your last messages for any guilt, such as ‘Did you get my last email?’ Rewrite them in a free and warm tone.
Do not check in only when you need something
If you contact people only when you need something, they learn to expect a request, and they may feel used. A check-in is a gift only when it comes at times when you want nothing. Then, when you do need help, people will gladly give it.
Look at your last ten contacts with a key customer. How many were free of any request? Aim to make at least half of your contacts free.
Change your words each time
If you send the same message each time, people notice and the warmth fades. ‘Just checking in’ again and again feels like a robot. Change your words, reason and style, and make each check-in fresh and personal.
Look at your last three check-ins to the same person. If they are alike, write a new one with a different reason and style.
Teach your team to check in kindly
Check-ins are stronger when the whole team does them with care. If everyone who deals with a customer knows how to check in kindly, the customer feels cared for by the whole business. Share the rules: no pitch, no guilt, no hidden agenda and real care.
Hold a ten-minute team talk this week. Share three rules for check-ins: no pitch, no guilt and real care. Ask each person to send one this week.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“How are things going?”
“I was thinking of you.”
“I saw this and thought of you.”
“Is there anything I can help with?”
“No need to reply.”
“Thanks for being a great customer.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List ten customers to check in on
Send three short messages
Share one useful item
Call one customer for no reason
Congratulate one milestone
Note replies
Plan the next round
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann)
- The Trusted Advisor (David Maister and others)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Build Trust That Lasts”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Send the Unexpected Thank-YouNext: Celebrate Their Wins →
- Smile Like You Mean It
- Use Their Name the Right Way
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Match Their Pace and Energy
- Small Talk That Opens Doors
- Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
- The First Five Minutes Checklist
- Do What You Say You Will Do
- Be Honest About What You Cannot Do
- Share Bad News Early
- Admit a Mistake and Fix It Fast
- Give Before You Ask
- Show Proof Instead of Making Claims
- Keep Promises Small and Real
- Be an Expert Who Teaches
- Give Free Value That Matters
- Recommend What Is Right, Even If It Is Smaller
- Tell Customers What You Would Do
- Be Independent and Honest
- Think Long Term, Not This Month
- Make Customers Smarter
- Open Posture, Open Mind
- The Right Amount of Eye Contact
- A Voice That Feels Safe
- Mirror Without Mimicking
- Dress for the Customer You Serve
- Make Video Calls Feel Personal
- Read Signs of Discomfort
- Remember the Small Details
- Send the Unexpected Thank-You
- Check In Without Selling
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Introduce People to Each Other
- Build a Simple Relationship System
- What to Do When You Make a Mistake
- A Sincere Apology That Works
- Turn an Angry Customer Into a Fan
- Rebuild Trust After a Missed Deadline
- When a Customer Doubts You
- Rise Above Gossip and Reviews
