Open Posture, Open Mind
Forty practical ways to use open posture so your body says welcome before you say a word.
Your body speaks first. Open posture invites trust.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), What Every Body Is Saying (Joe Navarro), Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman), and Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Your body speaks before you do
Before you say a word, your body has already spoken. The way you walk in, stand and hold your arms tells people whether you are friendly or closed. If your body says ‘welcome’, even simple words land well.
Before your next meeting, stand still for ten seconds and check your shoulders, arms and feet. Then walk in with your head up and your hands relaxed.
Uncross to say "welcome"
Crossed arms and legs look like a barrier, even when you do not mean it. Uncrossing is a small act with a big effect. With your arms loose, your body says, ‘I am ready to listen.’
For one whole meeting this week, keep your arms uncrossed and your legs relaxed. Notice how the other person responds.
Face them with your whole body
Turn your whole body towards the person you speak to: chest, hips and feet. A body half turned away signals that you are ready to leave. A body fully turned says, ‘You have my full attention.’
In your next conversation, point your chest and your feet towards the other person. Check once or twice during the talk.
The five-degree lean
A small forward lean, perhaps five degrees, tells the speaker that you are interested. A backward lean can signal doubt or distance. So when you listen, lean a little in.
When someone speaks in your next meeting, lean forward a little from the hips. Ease back when you speak, and notice the effect.
Show your hands, show your honesty
Humans have always watched hands. Hidden hands, in pockets or under a table, can make people uneasy. Open, visible hands feel honest and safe. Keep them in view, calm and relaxed.
In your next meeting, keep your hands visible on the table or in your lap, loosely open. Use them gently when you speak.
Drop your shoulders, drop their guard
When we feel tense, our shoulders rise towards our ears without our notice. Raised shoulders signal stress, and stress is catching. When you let your shoulders drop, the other person’s guard comes down too.
Before each call or meeting this week, lift your shoulders to your ears, and let them drop. Breathe out slowly. Do it again once during the talk.
Nod like you mean it
A nod is one of the oldest signs of listening. It says, ‘I hear you, please go on.’ A slow, gentle nod encourages people to share more. A fast, constant nod can feel false. Nod when it is real.
In your next conversation, nod slowly when you understand, and stay still when you do not. Pair each nod with a warm face.
Open your mind as well as your body
An open body means little if the mind is closed. People often sense it, and the open body then looks like a mask. Work on both: remind yourself, ‘I may learn something. I may be wrong. I want to understand.’
Before your next meeting, say to yourself, ‘I may learn something today.’ Then ask one question that you do not know the answer to.
Stand tall without looking stiff
Good posture says confidence, but there is a thin line between tall and stiff. Think of a string gently pulling from the top of your head. Your knees are soft, your arms loose and your face warm.
Stand with a soft string pulling your head up, soft knees and loose arms. Hold it for a full conversation, and check that you feel relaxed.
Sit so that they feel at ease
How you sit says a great deal. Slumped looks bored, perched looks anxious and sprawled looks careless. A good seat is upright, balanced and a little forward, and it sets an easy mood for the other person.
In your next meeting, sit well back in the chair with a straight back, feet flat and hands on the table or lap. Check your seat once or twice.
Mirror gently
People feel at ease with those who move a little like them. If a person leans back, you may ease back a little after a pause. Keep it light and slow. Copying every move at once looks like mockery.
In your next conversation, notice the other person’s posture and energy. After a pause, bring your own a little closer to theirs, never exactly.
Avoid distractions
Distractions break the bond. A phone buzzing, a clicking pen or a glance at the clock says, ‘Something else matters more than you.’ Remove what you can, so your body says, ‘You are my focus.’
Before your next meeting, put your phone away, silence all alerts and clear the table. Keep your hands calm for the whole talk.
Adapt to the setting
Open posture looks different in different places: upright in a boardroom, softer in a café, side by side on a factory floor. A wise person adjusts to the place, and respects it.
Before your next meeting, ask yourself where it will take place and how formal it will be. Choose the version of open posture that fits.
Practise in front of a mirror
Most people do not know how they look when they talk. A mirror or a short video can show you at once, and you can fix what you see. A few minutes a day can change your habits.
Spend five minutes in front of a mirror, saying your opening line. Check shoulders, arms, face and feet, and adjust one thing.
Walk in like a welcome
The first five seconds of a meeting often decide the mood. A calm, upright, unhurried entrance says, ‘Welcome.’ A rushed or hunched one says the opposite. Take a breath at the door.
Before you enter your next meeting, pause at the door, drop your shoulders, breathe out and smile. Then walk in at an easy pace.
The handshake that feels warm
A handshake lasts only two or three seconds, yet it can leave a lasting impression. A firm, warm hand says, ‘I am glad to meet you.’ The ideal: match their pressure, look them in the eye and smile.
Practise a warm handshake with a friend: web to web, medium pressure, two or three seconds, eye contact and a smile.
Keep your feet calm
Feet are the most honest part of the body. They tap when we are impatient, point to the door when we want to leave and shuffle when we are nervous. Calm feet show a calm mind.
In your next meeting, keep both feet flat and still, pointing towards the other person. If they start to tap, plant them again.
Do not hide behind a desk
A desk is a barrier, a solid wall between you and the person. Sitting behind it, you may look powerful but distant. If you can, come around it and sit with them. It changes the feeling to ‘two people talking’.
For your next meeting in your own space, move to a side table or two chairs instead of sitting behind the desk.
Sit at an angle, not across
Sitting directly across from someone can feel like a contest. Sitting at an angle, or side by side, feels more like working together. A corner of a table gives both people freedom to look away and relax.
At your next meeting, choose the corner of a table, or sit next to the person, rather than directly across.
Keep your phone out of your hands
A phone in your hand is a signal that the person in front of you has a rival. Putting it away, out of sight, tells them that they matter. It is one of the simplest acts of respect today.
For every meeting this week, put your phone in a bag or pocket, silenced, before you sit down. Say so if you expect an urgent call.
Use open gestures
Gestures give your words a body. Open ones, with palms up or sideways and arms away from the chest, feel generous. Closed ones, small and tight, feel guarded. Let your hands move naturally between waist and shoulders.
In your next conversation, let your hands help you explain: show a size, a direction or a sharing, with palms open and arms free.
Keep your chin level
The angle of your chin sends a message. High looks proud or distant, tucked down looks shy, and level looks calm, confident and equal. It is a small adjustment that changes how your face and voice feel.
Stand or sit, and place your chin parallel to the floor. Say your greeting aloud, and check in a mirror that your head is level.
Breathe low and slow
Breathing is the engine of your body language. High, fast breaths look and feel tense. Low, slow breaths relax your whole body and warm your voice. A few slow breaths before a meeting can change all of it.
Before your next meeting, breathe in for four counts through the nose and out for six. Do it five times. Do it again at your first pause.
Hold a pen lightly, not like a shield
Objects in our hands can become shields: a clipboard against the chest, a bag in front of the body, a cup held up like a barrier. Hold what you must hold lightly and to the side, and keep your chest open.
In your next meeting, put your bag on the floor, and your notes on the table. Hold a pen only when you write, and loosely.
Stand beside, not over
Standing directly in front of, or over, a seated person can feel like a challenge. Standing beside, or at an angle, feels like partnership. When you show someone something, stand next to them and look at it together.
The next time you show a customer something, stand or sit beside them, and look at it together. Come down to a seated person’s level.
Match the height of the room
Height shows power in the human mind. If you stand while they sit, you may seem to dominate. When heights match, the feeling is one of equality. Sit when they sit, and come down to their eye level.
In your next meeting, check that your chair is the same height as theirs, and sit when they sit. Come to eye level with anyone who is seated.
Give people personal space
Everyone has an invisible bubble around them. Step inside it uninvited, and they feel crowded. Stay too far, and you seem cold. About an arm’s length suits many first meetings. If they step back, give room.
At your next meeting, stand about an arm’s length away. Watch their feet and body. If they step back, give more room.
Read their posture back to you
Your own posture is only half of the picture. Their posture tells you how they feel about the talk: open, closed, leaning in or pulling away. Think of it as feedback, and read it with care, never as certain proof.
In your next meeting, glance at the other person’s posture every few minutes. Note any change, and adjust your pace or tone gently.
Posture in a crowded room
In a crowded room, people scan for someone approachable. Crossed arms, a raised drink and eyes on your phone keep people away. Stand at ease, open and angled outwards, and your posture invites them in.
At your next event, stand with your body angled slightly outwards, hands relaxed, phone away and a soft smile. Wait for the first person to approach.
Posture when you are nervous
Nerves make us hunch, fold our arms and shrink, which makes us look unsure and feel worse. You can reverse the process by changing posture on purpose: stand tall, breathe low, drop your shoulders and open your hands.
When nervous, stand tall, drop your shoulders, breathe out slowly and open your hands. Hold it for ten seconds before you begin.
Posture when you are tired
When we are tired, our posture is the first thing to go: shoulders round, head drops, eyes dim. The other person may read it as boredom. Small, quick resets protect your posture and show respect.
When tired in a meeting, sit up, press your feet into the floor, roll your shoulders once and sip water. Repeat every ten minutes.
Posture for a hard conversation
In a hard conversation, the other person is on edge and reads every sign. A harsh or closed body can make it worse. Sit at an angle, keep your shoulders down and hands open, and lean forward slightly to show care.
Before your next hard conversation, plan your seat at an angle, and prepare to keep shoulders down, hands open and voice low.
Posture for good news
Good news deserves good posture. Lift your chest, smile and use warm gestures. The other person catches your joy, and the moment becomes shared. Flat posture with happy words can feel false.
Next time you share or receive good news, stand or sit tall, smile broadly and let your hands show your joy. Stay for a moment to enjoy it together.
Posture on a stage
On a stage, your body is seen by many at once, so small signs become large. Stand tall, breathe low, plant your feet, use open gestures and speak to individuals in the crowd. The skill is the same as one-to-one, only larger.
Before your next talk, practise your opening stance: feet planted, shoulders down, chin level and open hands. Hold it for a slow breath, then begin.
Posture in a car or a lift
Tight spaces such as a car or a lift change how we use our bodies. People are close, so posture must be gentle, still and respectful. A calm, tidy body in a small space is comfortable for everyone.
In your next lift or car ride with a customer, keep your bag low and your elbows in, turn slightly towards them and keep gestures small.
Posture on a video call
On video, only part of your body can be seen, so every detail matters. A slouch, a tilt or a lean looks large on screen. Sit upright, shoulders level, hands in view, and look at the lens.
Before your next video call, set your camera at eye level, sit upright with your shoulders level and keep your hands in view for the whole call.
Teach your team good posture
If one person shows open posture, customers feel it. If the whole team does, the effect is multiplied. Posture is a team habit that can be taught kindly and without shame.
Run a fifteen-minute team session: demonstrate open and closed posture, then practise a greeting in pairs and give each other friendly feedback.
Check yourself with a photo
A photograph tells the truth. Ask a colleague to take a photo of you in a meeting, without posing. You may see a hunched back, a closed arm or a tense face. Photos give you something clear to work on.
Ask a colleague to take two unposed photos of you in your next meeting. Look at them that evening, and choose one thing to change.
Stretch before a big meeting
A body that is stiff looks stiff. Before a big meeting, a two-minute stretch loosens your neck, shoulders and back, clears your mind and calms your nerves. Your body is then ready to move with ease.
Two minutes before your next important meeting, roll your shoulders, turn your neck gently, stretch your arms overhead and shake out your hands.
Open posture at home too
The best way to make open posture natural is to practise it everywhere, not only at work. At home, sit tall, uncross your arms, face people and put the phone away. The habit spreads, and relationships improve.
This evening, give someone at home five minutes of open posture: face them, uncross your arms, put the phone away and listen.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Please, come in and have a seat.”
“Take your time.”
“I am all ears.”
“It is good to have you here.”
“Thank you for coming.”
“I will walk you out.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Check your posture in a mirror
Uncross your arms
Face the person
Relax your shoulders
Keep your hands visible
Lean in slightly
Review a video of yourself
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann)
- The Trusted Advisor (David Maister and others)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Build Trust That Lasts”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Make Customers SmarterNext: The Right Amount of Eye Contact →
- Smile Like You Mean It
- Use Their Name the Right Way
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Match Their Pace and Energy
- Small Talk That Opens Doors
- Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
- The First Five Minutes Checklist
- Do What You Say You Will Do
- Be Honest About What You Cannot Do
- Share Bad News Early
- Admit a Mistake and Fix It Fast
- Give Before You Ask
- Show Proof Instead of Making Claims
- Keep Promises Small and Real
- Be an Expert Who Teaches
- Give Free Value That Matters
- Recommend What Is Right, Even If It Is Smaller
- Tell Customers What You Would Do
- Be Independent and Honest
- Think Long Term, Not This Month
- Make Customers Smarter
- Open Posture, Open Mind
- The Right Amount of Eye Contact
- A Voice That Feels Safe
- Mirror Without Mimicking
- Dress for the Customer You Serve
- Make Video Calls Feel Personal
- Read Signs of Discomfort
- Remember the Small Details
- Send the Unexpected Thank-You
- Check In Without Selling
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Introduce People to Each Other
- Build a Simple Relationship System
- What to Do When You Make a Mistake
- A Sincere Apology That Works
- Turn an Angry Customer Into a Fan
- Rebuild Trust After a Missed Deadline
- When a Customer Doubts You
- Rise Above Gossip and Reviews
