Use Their Name the Right Way
Forty practical ways to use a person’s name warmly and correctly, so it builds connection instead of sounding like a technique.
A name is the sweetest sound to its owner. Use it with care, not as a trick.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), Unlimited Memory (Kevin Horsley), Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), and The Culture Map (Erin Meyer), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Why names matter
A name is the most personal word a person owns. Hearing it said well makes people feel seen. A name said well tells a person that they matter.
Before a meeting, find out the person’s name and how to say it. Say it once in your greeting, warmly.
The one-minute name memory routine
Four short steps can fix a name in your mind. Hear it, say it, use it, link it. Hear it, say it, use it and link it, and the name will stay.
Give your full attention when you hear the name. Repeat it back, and use it once in the first minute.
Repeat it once
Say the name back right after you hear it. One repeat helps both your memory and their ear. One repeat helps you to remember, and shows that you care.
As soon as you hear the name, say it back. If it was a new sound, check it with a question.
Use the name they prefer
Some people go by a short name, a middle name or a nickname. Listen for how they introduce themselves. Use the name they prefer, not the one you prefer.
Listen to how they introduce themselves. If you are unsure, ask how they would like to be addressed.
Never guess a name: ask kindly
A kind question beats a wrong guess. Say, ‘How do I say your name?’ A kind question about a name is always welcome.
If you are not sure, ask early and kindly. Repeat the name until he says it is right.
Avoid overusing it
Too many uses sound like a sales trick. Two or three uses in a talk is enough. A name used lightly is warm, and used too often is a trick.
Use the name in your greeting. Use it once more at a key moment.
Use memory tricks
Link each name to a picture, a place or a rhyme. Silly links stick best. A funny picture in your mind can keep a name for weeks.
When you hear a name, make a picture of it. Link the picture to a feature of the face.
Learn tricky names
Break long names into small sounds. Practise them aloud before you meet. A little practice makes any name easy.
Learn how the name sounds from the person or a recording. Break it into small parts.
Apologise if you forget
A kind apology is better than a blank face. Say, ‘I am sorry, your name has slipped my mind.’ A kind, honest apology about a name builds trust.
Stay calm, and smile. Say, ‘I am sorry, please remind me of your name.’
Remember names next time
Keep a short note after each meeting. Review it before you meet again. Notes and review make names last.
After each meeting, write the name and one detail. Before the next meeting, read your notes for two minutes.
Hear it clearly
You cannot remember a name that you never heard. Slow down, and listen on purpose. Listen to a name on purpose, and you will remember it.
At the moment of an introduction, pause and give full attention. If you did not hear it, ask again at once.
Spell it in your notes
Write the name in the way that you will read it later. Add a sound note if it is hard. A correct spelling and sound note protect you from mistakes.
Ask for the spelling of any name you are not sure of. Write the sound beside the name.
Check the spelling in writing
A wrong spelling in an email says you did not care. Look it up before you press send. A correct spelling shows that you care about small things.
Before you send a message, check the name against a source. Copy and paste, if you can.
Use it when you thank them
A thank-you with a name feels sincere. Say, ‘Thank you, Maria.’ A thank-you with a name and a detail is a warm gift.
At the end of your next talk, say thank you with the name. Add one detail from the talk.
Use it when you agree
Name plus agreement feels like partnership. Say, ‘You are right, Daniel.’ A name with real agreement builds partnership.
Listen for a point that you truly agree with. Say, ‘You are right,’ with their name.
Use it when you disagree gently
Use the name to soften a difference. Say, ‘I see it a little differently, Maria.’ A name with a gentle tone makes it easier to disagree.
Pause, and keep your voice calm. Say the name, then ‘I see it a little differently.’
Use titles correctly
Doctor, Professor, Judge, Captain: use the title until invited to stop. It is a sign of respect. A correct title shows respect for the person’s work.
Find out the person’s correct title before you meet. Use the title and surname in your greeting.
Respect cultural naming
Names work in different ways around the world. Ask which part is the family name. Respect how a person’s name works in their culture.
Learn the basic naming style of the culture you work with. Ask when you are unsure.
Use name tags wisely
A name tag is a help, not a script. Glance, then look up and smile. A name tag is a help, but your attention is the real tool.
Glance at the tag, and then look at the face. Say the name aloud with a smile.
Use names in groups
In a group, use names to include everyone. Say each name early, and again later. Names help each person in a group to feel seen.
Draw a seating plan, and write each name. Use each name at least once during the meeting.
Use names on the phone
On a call, the name is all you have to build warmth. Say it clearly at the start, and write it down. On the phone, a name makes your voice personal.
Say your name slowly, and confirm theirs. Write their name down at once.
Teach colleagues
Share names across your team. A good habit spreads. When a team shares names, every client feels known.
Start a shared list of key contacts with preferred names. Brief colleagues before a handover.
How to say a name you cannot pronounce
Be honest, be kind, and try. Say, ‘Please help me say it correctly.’ A sincere try at a hard name wins respect.
Ask, ‘Please help me say your name correctly.’ Listen, repeat, and ask if it is right.
The nickname test
Do not use a nickname until they use it first. Listen to how they refer to themselves. Use a nickname only after they have invited it.
Check how the person signs their name. Use the full name until they use the short one.
Using first names with senior people
Watch their lead with senior leaders. Start with the title unless they say otherwise. With senior people, begin with respect and wait for the invitation.
Learn how the company treats titles. Begin with the title and surname.
When "Sir" and "Madam" still work
When you do not know a name, polite words keep you safe. Use them in a warm and calm tone. Polite words are a bridge until you learn the name.
If you do not know a name, use a polite word warmly. Ask for the name soon.
Names in emails: the greeting line
The first line of an email sets the tone. Match their style and spell it right. A well-chosen greeting makes every email warmer.
Check how the person greets you. Match their level of formality.
Names on video calls
On video, names appear on the screen, but say them aloud too. Greet each person as they join. On video, a spoken name turns a screen into a room.
Greet each person by name as they join. Use names when you ask questions.
Names in voicemail
A voicemail with a name sounds like a person. Say your name twice, and theirs once. A short voicemail with names feels like a real person.
Begin with their name and your name. Give one reason in one sentence.
Names in thank-you notes
A thank-you note is where a name matters most. Spell it right, and add one detail. A correct name in a thank-you note makes it special.
Write the name at the top, and check the spelling. Add one specific detail from the meeting.
Names in proposals and contracts
A wrong name in a contract can cost real trust. Check every name and title, twice. Correct names in a contract show that you are careful.
List every name and title in the document. Check each one against a trusted source.
Remember the names of their team
Learn the names of the people around your contact. It shows that you value the whole team. Knowing the team’s names builds a wider circle of trust.
Ask your contact who else is involved. Write the names and roles in your notes.
Remember the assistant's name
Assistants often hold the keys to the door. Treat them with real respect. The assistant is a person, a partner and a friend in the making.
Ask for the assistant’s name at the start. Write it down, and use it kindly.
Names after a long gap
After months, a name may fade, but a note can bring it back. Be honest if you need a nudge. A note and a warm message bring an old name back to life.
Check your notes and messages for the name. Write a short note that explains how you met.
Names when you meet many people at once
Pick a few names to learn well. Do not try to hold them all. Remember a few names well, rather than many names poorly.
Before an event, choose three people to meet well. After each talk, write the name and a detail.
The ten-second name recap
Before you walk in, review the names in your mind. Ten seconds can save the meeting. Ten seconds of review keeps the names ready.
Before you enter, look at your list of names. Say each name and role in your mind.
A name is not a trick
Use names to show care, not to push. Ask yourself, ‘Am I sincere?’ A name used with a good heart is stronger than any trick.
Before you use a name, ask, ‘Am I being sincere?’ Use it to greet, thank or care.
Names and privacy
Use only the information that people have shared. Respect what is private. Respect for privacy is part of respect for the person.
Use only what the person shared with you. Store your notes in a safe place.
Say the name with warmth
How you say a name matters more than how often. Slow down, and smile. Say a name slowly, and it becomes a gift.
Slow down when you say a name. Soften your face, and look at the person.
Practise names daily
Names are a skill that grows each day. Practise on everyone you meet. Practise names every day, and the skill becomes yours.
Each day, learn two new names. Use them when you thank people.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Good morning, Maria. It is lovely to meet you.”
“Have I pronounced your name correctly?”
“Thank you, Maria. That helps a lot.”
“It is good to hear from you again, Sam.”
“Take care, Maria.”
“So, Maria, here is what I suggest.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Practise three names aloud
Ask someone to confirm a pronunciation
Use a name once in your next call
Write names in your notes
Learn one tricky name
Greet by name at close
Review your habit
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Go-Giver (Bob Burg and John David Mann)
- The Trusted Advisor (David Maister and others)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Build Trust That Lasts”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Smile Like You Mean ItNext: Find Common Ground Fast →
- Smile Like You Mean It
- Use Their Name the Right Way
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Match Their Pace and Energy
- Small Talk That Opens Doors
- Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
- The First Five Minutes Checklist
- Do What You Say You Will Do
- Be Honest About What You Cannot Do
- Share Bad News Early
- Admit a Mistake and Fix It Fast
- Give Before You Ask
- Show Proof Instead of Making Claims
- Keep Promises Small and Real
- Be an Expert Who Teaches
- Give Free Value That Matters
- Recommend What Is Right, Even If It Is Smaller
- Tell Customers What You Would Do
- Be Independent and Honest
- Think Long Term, Not This Month
- Make Customers Smarter
- Open Posture, Open Mind
- The Right Amount of Eye Contact
- A Voice That Feels Safe
- Mirror Without Mimicking
- Dress for the Customer You Serve
- Make Video Calls Feel Personal
- Read Signs of Discomfort
- Remember the Small Details
- Send the Unexpected Thank-You
- Check In Without Selling
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Introduce People to Each Other
- Build a Simple Relationship System
- What to Do When You Make a Mistake
- A Sincere Apology That Works
- Turn an Angry Customer Into a Fan
- Rebuild Trust After a Missed Deadline
- When a Customer Doubts You
- Rise Above Gossip and Reviews
