Making Friends / How to Join Groups / Lesson 28

LESSON 28 · HOW TO JOIN GROUPS

Follow Up With People Between Meetings

Thirty-two easy ways to follow up with people between meetings, so group friends become real friends.

Friendship grows between sessions. A small message keeps it warm.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker), Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Between-meeting contact matters

Seeing people once a week is lovely, but a small message between meetings turns acquaintances into friends.

TRY THIS
Message someone.

TIP 2

Pick two people

After each session choose two people you enjoyed. Quality over quantity.

TRY THIS
Pick two.

TIP 3

Send a short message

Say, it was lovely to chat on Thursday. Short and warm.

TRY THIS
Send it.

TIP 4

Mention a detail

Refer to something they said. It shows you listened.

TRY THIS
Recall.

TIP 5

Share something useful

A link, a photo or a tip that fits. Value builds bonds.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 6

Suggest a small plan

Coffee before the next session or a walk. Easy and low-pressure.

TRY THIS
Suggest.

TIP 7

Ask about their week

A small question. How was your week? Keep it light.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 8

Reply promptly

If they reply, answer soon. Momentum helps.

TRY THIS
Reply.

TIP 9

Use the group chat wisely

Post helpful updates and cheer others. Avoid noise.

TRY THIS
Be useful.

TIP 10

Celebrate their news

Notice birthdays and achievements. A message makes them feel seen.

TRY THIS
Celebrate.

TIP 11

Keep a rhythm

One or two messages a month per person is enough. Steady beats intense.

TRY THIS
Be steady.

TIP 12

Script: message

It was lovely to chat with you on Thursday. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: share

Here is the link I mentioned, hope you enjoy it. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: ask

How was your week, did you enjoy the walk? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: invite

Fancy a coffee before the next session? Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: closing

Thanks for chatting, see you next week. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Mistake: waiting for them to start

They may be waiting for you, so go first.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 18

Mistake: sending long messages

Short messages are easier to answer, so trim.

TRY THIS
Be brief.

TIP 19

Mistake: sending too many

Too many feel like pressure, so keep it gentle.

TRY THIS
Pace.

TIP 20

Mistake: only messaging with requests

Warm hellos matter, so also send no-ask notes.

TRY THIS
Be warm.

TIP 21

Mistake: gossiping about members

It breaks trust, so keep it kind.

TRY THIS
Stay positive.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when no contact details exist

Ask the organiser or send a message through the group. Ask permission.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when they never reply

Try again later or invite in person. Some people prefer face-to-face.

TRY THIS
Be patient.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel shy

Use a template and send. Small steps help.

TRY THIS
Use a template.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you meet rarely

Send a note every few weeks. Keep a thin thread.

TRY THIS
Keep it thin.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when contact feels forced

Pick people you naturally like. Warmth is easier.

TRY THIS
Choose well.

TIP 27

Drill: message two people

Message two group members this week. Mention a detail.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 28

Drill: set a reminder

Set a reminder to follow up after each session. Use it.

TRY THIS
Set it.

TIP 29

Drill: track your follow-ups

Note who you followed up with. Review monthly.

TRY THIS
Track.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

MESSAGE

“It was lovely to see you on Thursday.”

SHARE

“Here is the link I mentioned.”

ASK

“How was your week?”

INVITE

“Fancy a coffee before the next session?”

THANK

“Thanks for chatting.”

CLOSE

“See you next week.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick two people

DAY 2
Send a short message

DAY 3
Mention a detail

DAY 4
Share something useful

DAY 5
Suggest a small plan

DAY 6
Keep the rhythm

DAY 7
Include the group

Further reading

• The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker)
• Bowling Alone (Robert Putnam)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.