Making Friends / How to Follow Up / Lesson 16

LESSON 16 · HOW TO FOLLOW UP

Ask One Easy Question

Thirty-two easy ways to ask one easy question, the simple tool that turns a message into a conversation.

A good question invites a reply. Keep it easy.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Platonic (Marisa Franco), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why questions work

People enjoy talking about themselves in a safe way. A kind question shows interest and makes replying easy.

TRY THIS
Ask one.

TIP 2

Pick an easy topic

Weekend plans, food, music, travel and hobbies are simple topics. Avoid heavy ones at first.

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Choose.

TIP 3

Use open questions

Questions starting with what, how or tell me about get fuller answers than yes or no.

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Try how.

TIP 4

Ask just one

One question is enough. Two can feel like pressure.

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Keep one.

TIP 5

Make it personal

Link to what they said earlier: how did your trip go? Personal questions feel warm.

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Link it.

TIP 6

Make it light

Ask things that are fun to answer, like best food you ate this week.

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Be playful.

TIP 7

Make it easy to answer

Choose questions with short answers. Easy replies come faster.

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Keep it short.

TIP 8

Ask about feelings gently

How are you finding the new job? is kind and open. Do not pry.

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Be gentle.

TIP 9

Ask for a recommendation

People love sharing favourites. Ask, any good book you would suggest?

TRY THIS
Ask for one.

TIP 10

Offer a choice

Do you prefer tea or coffee? Choices are simple and playful.

TRY THIS
Offer two.

TIP 11

Wait for the answer

Do not send more until they reply. Patience shows respect.

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Wait.

TIP 12

Reply with interest

When they answer, respond with a comment and a follow-up. That keeps it going.

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Reply well.

TIP 13

Script: weekend

How was your weekend? Anything fun? Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: opinion

What did you think of the film in the end? Say it with interest.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: plans

Do you have any plans for the holidays? Say it lightly.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: recommendation

Do you know any good book I should read next? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for telling me, I would love to hear more. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: asking yes or no only

These end the chat quickly, so add how or what.

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Open it up.

TIP 19

Mistake: asking too many at once

A list of questions feels like an interview, so send just one.

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Choose one.

TIP 20

Mistake: asking something too private

Deep questions too early feel pushy, so keep it light at first.

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Go slowly.

TIP 21

Mistake: not listening to the answer

If you ignore the reply, they feel unseen, so respond to what they said.

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Listen.

TIP 22

Mistake: asking questions you already know

It shows you were not listening, so use new questions.

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Be fresh.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when they answer briefly

Keep your tone warm and ask another light question later. Short is okay.

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Be patient.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you run out of questions

Keep a list in your notes: food, travel, music, hobbies, work. Use it.

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Make a list.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when they do not answer

Do not repeat. Wait a few days and try something different.

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Wait.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when the topic is awkward

Switch to a lighter topic with a kind joke. Easy change.

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Switch.

TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when you feel interviewed

Share a little about yourself too. Balance the talk.

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Share a bit.

TIP 28

Drill: ten questions

Write ten easy questions for new friends. Keep them handy.

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Write.

TIP 29

Drill: ask one a day

Ask one easy question to someone each day. Note replies.

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Do it.

TIP 30

Drill: practise follow-ups

After each answer, ask one follow-up. Practise listening.

TRY THIS
Try it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

ASK

“How was your weekend?”

CURIOUS

“What did you think of the film?”

LIGHT

“Any plans for the holidays?”

CHOOSE

“Do you prefer tea or coffee?”

THANK

“Thanks for telling me.”

CLOSE

“I would love to hear more.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick an easy topic

DAY 2
Use open words

DAY 3
Ask just one

DAY 4
Make it personal

DAY 5
Make it fun

DAY 6
Wait for the answer

DAY 7
Reply with interest

Further reading

• Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.