Put the Phone Away Completely
Thirty-two easy ways to put the phone away completely, so your presence becomes a gift that people remember.
A phone on the table is a third person. Remove it and connection grows.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Phones weaken conversation
Studies show that even a phone on the table lowers feelings of closeness and the depth of conversation. Removing it is a powerful, free kindness.
Try it.
Put it away, not just face-down
A phone in your pocket or bag is better than one on the table. Out of sight is out of mind.
Hide it.
Silence notifications
Sounds and buzzes pull attention. Turn on do not disturb for the time you spend together.
Silence it.
Say it kindly
Say, I am putting my phone away so I can give you my full attention. This shows respect without judging them.
Say it.
Invite them to join you
Suggest everyone put phones in a pile or bag. Shared rituals feel fun.
Suggest it.
Explain emergencies
If you need to be reachable, say so once, and check only quickly. Honesty keeps trust.
Be honest.
Use phone-free zones
Meals, walks and bedtime talks can be phone-free. Regular zones build habit.
Make zones.
Resist the urge to check
The urge passes in a minute or two. Breathe and look at them.
Breathe.
Find other things to do with your hands
Hold a cup, a pen or a coaster if you feel fidgety. Hands need a job.
Hold something.
Notice the difference
After a phone-free chat, notice the depth and warmth. Remember it.
Reflect.
Be patient with others
If a friend checks their phone, do not shame them. Lead by example.
Be kind.
Thank people who put theirs away
Gratitude encourages the habit. Say, I love that we are screen-free.
Thank them.
Script: putting away
I will put my phone away so I can really listen. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: inviting
Shall we all put our phones in the middle and chat? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: quick check
Do you mind if I check one quick thing and then put it away? Say it politely.
Use it.
Script: gratitude
I love that we are phone-free, it feels so different. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: closing
That was a real conversation, thank you. Say it gently.
Use it.
Mistake: placing the phone face-up on the table
It signals you may leave at any time, so hide it.
Hide it.
Mistake: checking it just once
One check often becomes ten, so set aside a clear block.
Stay firm.
Mistake: lecturing others about phones
Lectures push people away, so lead by example.
Be kind.
Mistake: using the phone to escape awkwardness
Awkward moments pass, so breathe and stay with the person.
Stay present.
Mistake: being half there
Partial attention feels like none, so give full attention or say you are busy.
Choose one.
Troubleshoot: when you work from your phone
Tell them you are available for emergencies only and check at set times. Be clear.
Set times.
Troubleshoot: when a friend keeps scrolling
Gently say, shall we put them away for a bit? Keep it friendly.
Suggest kindly.
Troubleshoot: when you feel anxious without it
Start with ten minutes and build up. Anxiety fades with practice.
Build slowly.
Troubleshoot: when you use it for photos
Take photos first, then put it away. Capture and then be present.
Snap then stop.
Troubleshoot: when it is a group event
Suggest a basket for phones. Make it a game.
Make it fun.
Drill: a phone-free meal
Share one meal this week with phones out of sight. Notice the difference.
Try it.
Drill: ten-minute challenge
Spend ten minutes of your next chat with your phone in another room. Repeat.
Try it.
Drill: set a daily phone-free hour
Choose one hour each day without your phone for people. Guard it.
Set it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I will put my phone away.”
“I want to give you my full attention.”
“Do you mind if I check one thing?”
“Thanks for putting yours away too.”
“This is so nice without screens.”
“That was a real conversation.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Silence it
Put it out of sight
Tell them kindly
Use a phone-free ritual
Resist the urge
Notice the difference
Enjoy
Further reading
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
- We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Start a Conversation”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Listen With the Goal of UnderstandingNext: Nod, Smile and Say Mm-Hm →
- Ten Easy Openers for Any Situation
- The Weather, the Venue, the Day
- Ask What Brought Them Here
- The Question That Beats How Are You
- Use Your Surroundings
- Share a Small Observation
- Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not Looks
- Open Questions vs Closed Questions
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Ask About Their Story, Not Their Job Title
- Ask About Their Weekend Plans
- Ask Their Opinion on Something Light
- Ask About Passions and Hobbies
- Questions to Avoid on a First Chat
- The Ping-Pong Rule of Conversation
- Give Back as Much as You Ask
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Use Their Last Words to Continue
- Share Opinions and Stories Gently
- Move From Small Talk to Meaningful Talk
- Add a Little Humour
- Listen With the Goal of Understanding
- Put the Phone Away Completely
- Nod, Smile and Say Mm-Hm
- Reflect Back What You Heard
- Do Not Plan Your Reply Early
- Let Silence Breathe
- Remember Details and Bring Them Back
- What to Do When the Chat Dies
- When Your Mind Goes Blank
- When You Disagree
- When They Are Shy Too
- When Someone Talks Too Much
- Recover From a Silly Comment
- Join a Group Conversation Smoothly
- Start a Chat With a Colleague
- Start a Chat With a Neighbour
- Exit Lines That Never Offend
- Say Goodbye and Plan to Meet Again
- Your Daily Conversation Practice
