Share a Small Observation
Thirty-two easy ways to share a small observation, the gentle trick that starts a chat without any pressure.
A small observation is a gift. It asks nothing and invites a lot.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
What an observation is
It is a small, friendly comment about something you both see, hear or feel. It does not ask a question, so there is no pressure to answer.
Try one.
Notice something nice
Look for a smile, a colour, a sound or a funny moment. Positive observations warm the mood.
Notice.
Say it aloud simply
Say, that dog looks so happy. Short and kind.
Say it.
Keep it about the shared moment
Choose things you both can see. This makes it easy to respond.
Share it.
Pause after speaking
Give them a moment to respond. Silence is fine.
Wait.
Add a small question
After a pause, ask, do you come here often? It deepens the chat.
Ask.
Use feeling words
Say, I love how calm it is today. Feelings make observations warm.
Add feeling.
Make it light and playful
A little humour is welcome. Keep it kind.
Smile.
Avoid negative observations
Complaints can spoil the mood, so find the good.
Stay positive.
Notice them gently
Comment on what they are doing, like that is a lovely book. Respect privacy.
Be respectful.
Share what you noticed about the moment
Say, the light is beautiful this afternoon. Beauty is shared.
Notice.
Practise noticing daily
Notice three small things every day. The habit grows.
Practise.
Script: dog
That dog looks so happy, I love watching it play. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: calm
It feels so calm here today, doesn’t it? Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: question
Do you come here often? I am just discovering it. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: light
The light is beautiful at this time of day. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for chatting, enjoy the rest of your day. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: making negative comments
Negativity makes a chat heavy, so choose the positive.
Be kind.
Mistake: commenting and walking away
Stay a moment, so give them a chance to reply.
Wait.
Mistake: forcing a comment
Forced comments sound odd, so notice something real.
Be genuine.
Mistake: speaking too quietly
They may not hear, so speak clearly.
Be clear.
Troubleshoot: when they do not reply
Smile and carry on. Some people prefer quiet.
Be gracious.
Troubleshoot: when you cannot think of a comment
Describe what you see in one sentence. Simple works.
Keep it simple.
Troubleshoot: when you are nervous
Breathe and say it quietly to yourself first. Then say it aloud.
Warm up.
Troubleshoot: when it is online
Comment on something in their background or post. Keep it kind.
Notice details.
Troubleshoot: when the person is busy
Keep it very short and move on. Respect time.
Be brief.
Drill: make three observations
Make three small observations aloud to yourself today. Practise tone.
Practise.
Drill: share one with a stranger
Share one friendly observation with a stranger this week. Note the reply.
Try.
Drill: write a notice list
Write ten things you could notice in a cafe. Use one.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“That dog looks so happy.”
“I wonder how long they have been playing.”
“I love how calm it is here today.”
“Do you come here often?”
“Thanks for chatting.”
“Enjoy the rest of your day.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice something
Say it aloud
Keep it friendly
Pause
Ask a small question
Follow their answer
Share a thought
Further reading
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
- We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Start a Conversation”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Use Your SurroundingsNext: Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not Looks →
- Ten Easy Openers for Any Situation
- The Weather, the Venue, the Day
- Ask What Brought Them Here
- The Question That Beats How Are You
- Use Your Surroundings
- Share a Small Observation
- Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not Looks
- Open Questions vs Closed Questions
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Ask About Their Story, Not Their Job Title
- Ask About Their Weekend Plans
- Ask Their Opinion on Something Light
- Ask About Passions and Hobbies
- Questions to Avoid on a First Chat
- The Ping-Pong Rule of Conversation
- Give Back as Much as You Ask
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Use Their Last Words to Continue
- Share Opinions and Stories Gently
- Move From Small Talk to Meaningful Talk
- Add a Little Humour
- Listen With the Goal of Understanding
- Put the Phone Away Completely
- Nod, Smile and Say Mm-Hm
- Reflect Back What You Heard
- Do Not Plan Your Reply Early
- Let Silence Breathe
- Remember Details and Bring Them Back
- What to Do When the Chat Dies
- When Your Mind Goes Blank
- When You Disagree
- When They Are Shy Too
- When Someone Talks Too Much
- Recover From a Silly Comment
- Join a Group Conversation Smoothly
- Start a Chat With a Colleague
- Start a Chat With a Neighbour
- Exit Lines That Never Offend
- Say Goodbye and Plan to Meet Again
- Your Daily Conversation Practice
