Open Questions vs Closed Questions
Thirty-two easy ways to use open questions instead of closed ones, so conversations flow instead of stopping.
Open questions open doors. Closed ones close them.
28 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
The difference
Closed questions get yes or no. Open questions get stories. Stories keep chats alive.
Learn it.
Spot closed questions
Did you like it? Is it your first time? Are you from here? These get short answers.
Notice yours.
Swap the first word
Change did you like it to what did you like about it. A small change makes a big difference.
Swap.
Use what
What was the best part? What made you choose that? What is next?
Try what.
Use how
How did you get started? How was the trip? How did it feel? Stories follow.
Try how.
Use why gently
Why can sound sharp, so soften: what made you choose that?
Soften it.
Use tell me about
Tell me about your weekend. It is warm and open.
Use it.
Use describe
Describe your perfect day. Fun and creative.
Use it.
Mix open and closed
Closed questions are fine for facts. Use open ones for stories.
Balance.
Wait for the full answer
Do not interrupt. Silence after the question is okay.
Wait.
Ask one at a time
Two questions at once confuse. Ask and listen.
One at a time.
Follow up on details
Pick a word from their answer and ask more. This is the secret.
Follow up.
Script: what
What did you enjoy most about it? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: how
How did you get started with that? Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: tell me
Tell me about your weekend, I would love to hear. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: describe
What would your perfect day look like? Say it playfully.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for sharing that, it was interesting. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: asking only yes or no questions
They end chats fast, so use open ones.
Open up.
Mistake: firing too many questions
It feels like an interview, so share too.
Balance.
Mistake: asking why too sharply
It can feel like blame, so soften.
Soften.
Troubleshoot: when they answer in one word
Add, tell me more, or what was the best part? A second open question helps.
Try again.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of questions
Use what, how and tell me about as starters. Combine with their words.
Use starters.
Troubleshoot: when they ask you open questions
Answer in a few sentences and ask back. Share the floor.
Share.
Troubleshoot: when you feel interrogating
Add a comment between questions. Mix talk and questions.
Comment.
Troubleshoot: when you are shy
Prepare three open questions before events. Keep them handy.
Prepare.
Drill: convert ten questions
Take ten closed questions and turn them into open ones. Say them aloud.
Convert.
Drill: open-question day
For one day use only open questions in chats. Notice the difference.
Try.
Drill: write five starters
Write five open question starters on a card. Use them.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“What did you enjoy most about it?”
“How did you get started?”
“Tell me about your weekend.”
“What was that like?”
“Thanks for sharing.”
“That was interesting.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Spot closed questions
Swap the first word
Use what, how and why
Say tell me about
Listen
Follow up
Practise
Further reading
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
- We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Start a Conversation”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not LooksNext: The Follow-Up Question Habit →
- Ten Easy Openers for Any Situation
- The Weather, the Venue, the Day
- Ask What Brought Them Here
- The Question That Beats How Are You
- Use Your Surroundings
- Share a Small Observation
- Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not Looks
- Open Questions vs Closed Questions
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Ask About Their Story, Not Their Job Title
- Ask About Their Weekend Plans
- Ask Their Opinion on Something Light
- Ask About Passions and Hobbies
- Questions to Avoid on a First Chat
- The Ping-Pong Rule of Conversation
- Give Back as Much as You Ask
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Use Their Last Words to Continue
- Share Opinions and Stories Gently
- Move From Small Talk to Meaningful Talk
- Add a Little Humour
- Listen With the Goal of Understanding
- Put the Phone Away Completely
- Nod, Smile and Say Mm-Hm
- Reflect Back What You Heard
- Do Not Plan Your Reply Early
- Let Silence Breathe
- Remember Details and Bring Them Back
- What to Do When the Chat Dies
- When Your Mind Goes Blank
- When You Disagree
- When They Are Shy Too
- When Someone Talks Too Much
- Recover From a Silly Comment
- Join a Group Conversation Smoothly
- Start a Chat With a Colleague
- Start a Chat With a Neighbour
- Exit Lines That Never Offend
- Say Goodbye and Plan to Meet Again
- Your Daily Conversation Practice
