Making Friends / How to Start a Conversation / Lesson 21

LESSON 21 · HOW TO START A CONVERSATION

Add a Little Humour

Thirty-two easy ways to add a little humour, the gentle spark that makes people relax and remember you.

Humour is a bridge. Keep it kind and light.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why humour helps

Laughter relaxes people and builds quick closeness. A little shared laughter can turn strangers into friends.

TRY THIS
Add some.

TIP 2

Start with a smile

A smile tells people it is safe to laugh. Warmth comes before jokes.

TRY THIS
Smile first.

TIP 3

Laugh at yourself gently

Light self-teasing, like I am terrible at directions, makes you relatable. Keep it kind, not harsh.

TRY THIS
Tease lightly.

TIP 4

Notice funny moments

Funny things happen all around: a silly sign, a mix-up, a clumsy moment. Point them out kindly.

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Notice.

TIP 5

Share a light story

A short, funny story about your week can break the ice. Keep it under a minute.

TRY THIS
Share one.

TIP 6

Use playful exaggeration

Say, that was the biggest pizza in history. Gentle exaggeration is fun.

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Play.

TIP 7

Use gentle surprise

A small unexpected twist in what you say can make people smile. Keep it kind.

TRY THIS
Surprise lightly.

TIP 8

Be positive

Humour that lifts is better than humour that cuts. Choose uplifting jokes.

TRY THIS
Be uplifting.

TIP 9

Avoid sarcasm with new people

Sarcasm can be misread and hurt, so stay clear and warm.

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Be plain.

TIP 10

Avoid jokes about sensitive topics

Health, looks and loss are not for jokes. Choose safe subjects.

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Be careful.

TIP 11

Laugh at their humour

Smile and laugh when they joke. It tells them you enjoy their company.

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Laugh.

TIP 12

Read the room

If people are serious, hold back jokes. Timing matters.

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Check the mood.

TIP 13

Script: pizza

That is the biggest pizza I have ever seen, are we sharing? Say it brightly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: self

I am so bad with directions, I got lost twice finding this place. Say it lightly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: play

Shall we pretend we planned that perfectly? Say it playfully.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: laugh

Ha, that is hilarious, I needed that. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for the laugh, you made my day. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: making fun of others

Teasing can hurt, so laugh with people, not at them.

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Be kind.

TIP 19

Mistake: forcing humour

Forced jokes feel awkward, so let it come naturally.

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Relax.

TIP 20

Mistake: joking when someone is upset

Poor timing hurts, so read the mood first.

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Wait.

TIP 21

Mistake: using humour to avoid feelings

Mix jokes with real care, so be honest too.

TRY THIS
Balance.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when a joke falls flat

Smile and say, well, that was brave, I will try another. Laughing at yourself helps.

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Recover lightly.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you are not naturally funny

You do not need to be. A warm smile and sharing funny moments is enough.

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Be you.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when humour differs by culture

Start with universal humour like animals and food. Learn their taste.

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Be gentle.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when someone is offended

Apologise sincerely and move on. Respect matters more than a joke.

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Apologise.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel too nervous to joke

Breathe, smile and share a simple observation. Humour often follows ease.

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Calm down.

TIP 27

Drill: collect three funny moments

Notice three small funny things today and tell one to someone. Smile.

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Notice.

TIP 28

Drill: practise a self-tease

Write one gentle line about yourself that makes people smile. Try it.

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Write.

TIP 29

Drill: share a funny story

Prepare a one-minute funny story from your week and tell it. Enjoy.

TRY THIS
Prepare.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

SMILE

“That was the biggest pizza I have ever seen.”

SELF

“I am terrible at directions, I got lost twice.”

PLAY

“Shall we pretend we planned that?”

LAUGH

“That is hilarious.”

THANK

“Thanks for the laugh.”

CLOSE

“You made my day.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Smile first

DAY 2
Laugh at yourself gently

DAY 3
Notice funny moments

DAY 4
Share light stories

DAY 5
Avoid sarcasm

DAY 6
Read the room

DAY 7
Enjoy their humour

Further reading

• The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
• How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
• We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.