Share Opinions and Stories Gently
Thirty-two easy ways to share opinions and stories gently, so you add colour to chats without taking over.
Share lightly and leave room. A gentle share invites theirs.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why gentle sharing works
People like those who share, but not those who dominate. A short, soft share makes you real without taking the stage.
Share softly.
Listen first
Hear their view before you share yours. It shows respect and helps you share something relevant.
Listen.
Use soft starters
Say, in my experience, or for me, or I wonder if. These openers make opinions sound kind rather than final.
Use them.
Share an opinion lightly
Say, I quite like it, but I know tastes differ. You can hold a view and stay open.
Stay open.
Keep stories under a minute
Short stories are easy to enjoy. Long ones lose people.
Be brief.
Start with the point
Begin with what the story is about, then add two or three details. Clear stories land.
Lead with the point.
Share a feeling, not only facts
Say, I was so nervous. Feelings make stories human.
Add feeling.
Invite their view
After your share, ask, what do you think? This turns your share into a shared moment.
Ask.
Match their level of depth
If they share lightly, do not go very deep. Match their pace.
Match them.
Respect different views
Say, that is a different view, tell me more. Differences make chats interesting.
Be curious.
Avoid giving advice unasked
Say, would you like a suggestion? Many people only want to be heard.
Ask first.
Stop before they fade
Watch their eyes. If they drift, wrap up with a question.
Read them.
Script: soft opinion
In my experience, it can be tricky at first. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: story
Can I tell you a quick story about that? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: feeling
I felt so nervous the first time, did you? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: invite
What do you think about it? I would love your view. Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for hearing me out, I love your view too. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: stating opinions as facts
Hard statements close the chat, so use soft starters like I think.
Soften.
Mistake: telling long stories without pausing
Pauses let them join in, so check in often.
Pause.
Mistake: correcting people
Correcting feels rude, so ask instead how they see it.
Be curious.
Mistake: sharing strong views with strangers
Strong views can divide, so wait until trust grows.
Go slowly.
Mistake: making every story about you
Balance matters, so relate your story to their topic.
Stay relevant.
Troubleshoot: when they disagree
Say, interesting, I see it differently, tell me why. Stay curious and calm.
Stay warm.
Troubleshoot: when your story gets no reaction
Smile, wrap up and ask a question. Not every story lands.
Move on.
Troubleshoot: when you feel shy about sharing
Start with tiny shares like a favourite food. Build up.
Start small.
Troubleshoot: when the topic gets heated
Take a breath and say, let us agree to differ, shall we talk about something lighter? Keep peace.
Redirect.
Troubleshoot: when culture limits opinions
Share opinions on food, places and experiences rather than private views. Respect norms.
Adapt.
Drill: one gentle share per chat
Make one soft opinion or short story in every chat today. Notice reactions.
Try.
Drill: practise soft starters
Write five soft starters and say them aloud. Use one.
Practise.
Drill: time your story
Time a favourite story and trim it to under a minute. Practise.
Time it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I felt the same when I started.”
“In my experience, it can be tricky.”
“What was it like for you?”
“Let me tell you quickly what happened.”
“Thanks for hearing me out.”
“I love hearing your view.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Listen first
Use soft starters
Keep stories short
Invite their view
Respect differences
Share feelings
Stop in time
Further reading
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
- We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Start a Conversation”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Use Their Last Words to ContinueNext: Move From Small Talk to Meaningful Talk →
- Ten Easy Openers for Any Situation
- The Weather, the Venue, the Day
- Ask What Brought Them Here
- The Question That Beats How Are You
- Use Your Surroundings
- Share a Small Observation
- Start With a Compliment on Choice, Not Looks
- Open Questions vs Closed Questions
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Ask About Their Story, Not Their Job Title
- Ask About Their Weekend Plans
- Ask Their Opinion on Something Light
- Ask About Passions and Hobbies
- Questions to Avoid on a First Chat
- The Ping-Pong Rule of Conversation
- Give Back as Much as You Ask
- Find Common Ground Fast
- Use Their Last Words to Continue
- Share Opinions and Stories Gently
- Move From Small Talk to Meaningful Talk
- Add a Little Humour
- Listen With the Goal of Understanding
- Put the Phone Away Completely
- Nod, Smile and Say Mm-Hm
- Reflect Back What You Heard
- Do Not Plan Your Reply Early
- Let Silence Breathe
- Remember Details and Bring Them Back
- What to Do When the Chat Dies
- When Your Mind Goes Blank
- When You Disagree
- When They Are Shy Too
- When Someone Talks Too Much
- Recover From a Silly Comment
- Join a Group Conversation Smoothly
- Start a Chat With a Colleague
- Start a Chat With a Neighbour
- Exit Lines That Never Offend
- Say Goodbye and Plan to Meet Again
- Your Daily Conversation Practice
