Making Friends / How to Start a Conversation / Lesson 01

LESSON 01 · HOW TO START A CONVERSATION

Ten Easy Openers for Any Situation

Ten openers that work almost anywhere, plus twenty ways to use them so a first sentence is never a problem again.

You only need a handful of openers. Learn them once and use them for life.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Opener one: what brought you here

This works at classes, parties and meetings because everyone has a reason for being there. The answer gives you a story to follow up on.

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Use it at your next event.

TIP 2

Opener two: how do you know the host

Every guest has a connection to the host, so the question always has an answer. It also lets you learn who else is connected.

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Use it at the next party.

TIP 3

Opener three: have you been here before

Whether the answer is yes or no, it opens a chat about recommendations, memories or first impressions.

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Try it in a cafe or new venue.

TIP 4

Opener four: the shared situation

A comment on the queue, the music or the room works because both of you can see it. It requires no courage and no special knowledge.

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Comment on something you both notice.

TIP 5

Opener five: the food or drink

Food is a safe, universal topic. Asking what someone recommends or commenting on a dish usually makes people smile.

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Ask for a recommendation.

TIP 6

Opener six: the honest newcomer

Saying I am new here, any tips? invites help and warmth. People love to be asked for their local knowledge.

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Use it if it is true.

TIP 7

Opener seven: the compliment on a choice

I love your bag, where did you find it? praises a choice, not a body, and starts a story.

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Offer one sincere compliment.

TIP 8

Opener eight: the light question

What is the best thing you have eaten this week? is playful and easy. It breaks routine small talk.

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Try one unusual question.

TIP 9

Opener nine: the plain hello

Hi, I am Sam. Sometimes the best opener is simply your name and a smile. It is honest and direct.

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Practise saying it warmly.

TIP 10

Opener ten: the observation

That is a great view, isn’t it? An observation invites agreement and a follow-up. Keep it positive.

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Notice something nice and say it.

TIP 11

Pick three and learn them

You do not need all ten. Three well-practised openers are more useful than ten half-remembered ones.

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Choose your three today.

TIP 12

Say them aloud

Rehearsing aloud makes the words come easily when you are nervous. Practise in the mirror or the car.

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Say each one twice.

TIP 13

Add a follow-up question

An opener gets the chat started, and a follow-up keeps it going. Prepare one for each opener.

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Write a follow-up for each.

TIP 14

Pair the opener with a smile

A smile and eye contact make any line warmer. The words matter less than the warmth.

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Smile as you speak.

TIP 15

Use your name

Offer your name early. It invites theirs and makes the exchange personal.

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Say your name in your first sentence.

TIP 16

Match the setting

A work event suits different openers from a party. Choose lines that fit the place.

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Think of the setting before you go.

TIP 17

Start with low-stakes people

Practise on shop assistants and neighbours before using openers at big events. Confidence builds quickly.

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Try one with a cashier.

TIP 18

Listen to the answer

The answer contains the next question. Do not plan your reply while they speak.

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Focus on their words.

TIP 19

Share a small fact back

After they answer, add one fact about yourself. It keeps the chat balanced.

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Prepare one fact.

TIP 20

Mistake: asking yes-or-no questions only

Do you like it here? gets a one-word reply. Open questions get stories.

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Rewrite one closed question.

TIP 21

Mistake: apologising first

Sorry to bother you invites a brush-off. Start with hello.

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Drop the sorry.

TIP 22

Mistake: too many questions in a row

Firing questions feels like an interview. Mix questions with comments.

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Alternate them.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when they answer briefly

Add a light comment and a second question. Some people warm up slowly.

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Try one more line.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you forget your opener

Say hello and look around for something to mention. The setting always offers one.

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Name three things you can see.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when it falls flat

Smile and move on. Not every chat will click, and that is fine.

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Keep a second opener ready.

TIP 26

Keep a list in your phone

A short note of openers calms nerves because help is a tap away.

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Save them now.

TIP 27

Count your tries

Tally every opener you use this week. Practice beats perfection.

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Set a goal of five.

TIP 28

Reflect on what worked

Note the openers that led to good chats and use those more.

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Write two lines tonight.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

EVENT

“What brought you here today?”

PLACE

“Have you been here before?”

HOST

“How do you know the host?”

FOOD

“Have you tried this? It is really good.”

WEATHER

“Can you believe this weather?”

NEW

“I am new here, any tips?”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose three openers to learn

DAY 2
Say them aloud in the mirror

DAY 3
Use one with a shop assistant

DAY 4
Use one at an event

DAY 5
Add a follow-up question

DAY 6
Note which worked best

DAY 7
Add a new opener

Further reading

• The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
• How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
• We Need to Talk (Celeste Headlee)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.