Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
Practical ways to ask “Why is that important to you?”, the question that uncovers interests in a negotiation.
One question unlocks options. Ask it softly.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Why is that important to you? is a gentle key
It invites people to explain their reasoning without feeling attacked.
Use a warm tone.
Ask it when they state a firm demand
The answer shows what lies underneath and opens new paths.
Try it today.
Wait for the full answer
Silence after the question gives space for real thinking.
Count to five.
Repeat what you hear
Summarising shows you listened and checks accuracy.
Use their words.
Ask what else matters
One reason is rarely the only one.
Keep exploring.
Link their answer to options
Use their reasons to design offers that fit.
Propose accordingly.
Avoid asking too often
Too many whys feel like interrogation.
Balance with other questions.
Interests drive demands
Understanding them opens solutions.
Ask.
Echo
Show you heard.
Repeat.
Use a soft tone
Respect.
Slow down.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Why is that important to you?”
“Help me understand what that would give you.”
“So predictability matters.”
“Could we meet that need another way?”
“Is that it?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Practise the phrase
Use a calm tone
Wait for the answer
Echo the answer
Brainstorm ways to meet it
Test options
Review
Further reading
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
- Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
- Start With No (Jim Camp)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: What They Say vs What They NeedNext: Look for Win-Win Trades →
- Know Your Goals and Your Limits
- Find Your Best Alternative
- Research Their Needs and Pressures
- List What You Can Give and What You Need
- Set Your Opening Position
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Decide Your Walk-Away Point
- What They Say vs What They Need
- Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
- Look for Win-Win Trades
- Separate the Person From the Problem
- Create More Options Before You Decide
- Use Fair, Objective Standards
- The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
- The Power of Calm
- Let Them Say "No" First
- Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
- Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
- Mirror and Pause
- The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
- Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
- Never Give a Discount for Free
- Trade, Do Not Just Give
- Hold Your Price With Confidence
- Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
- Use Odd and Precise Numbers
- Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
- When to Walk Away
- Handle a Pushy Negotiator
- Respond to a Deadline Threat
- When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
- Deal With Silence and Stalling
- Stay Polite When You Are Angry
- Negotiate With Someone More Senior
- Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
- Put It in Writing the Same Day
- Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
- Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
- Protect the Relationship After the Deal
- Learn From Every Negotiation
