Mirror and Pause
Practical ways to mirror and pause in a negotiation, drawing out information without pressure.
Repeat and wait. Silence does the rest.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Repeat and wait
Mirroring the last few words with a curious tone draws out more information without pressure.
Try it.
Repeat the last three words
Pick the key words at the end of their sentence and say them back gently.
Keep it short.
Add a curious tone
A slight lift in voice turns the repeat into an invitation to explain.
Practise the tone.
Pause for three seconds
Silence after the mirror gives space for them to continue.
Count quietly.
Listen for the new detail
The extra information they add is often important.
Note it.
Mirror again if needed
A second mirror can deepen the answer.
Use sparingly.
Do not overuse it
Too many repeats sound odd, so mix with other skills.
Vary your approach.
Use it in writing
Quoting their phrase in an email can prompt a fuller reply.
Try it once.
Combine with labels
Follow a mirror with a gentle label of their emotion.
Practise together.
Simple and strong
It draws more out.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“A longer term?”
“Not possible?”
“(Wait.)”
“Tell me more.”
“And what would you need?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Repeat the last three words
Add a curious tone
Pause for three seconds
Listen
Mirror again
Note the information
Review
Further reading
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
- Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
- Start With No (Jim Camp)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"Next: The Late-Night FM DJ Voice →
- Know Your Goals and Your Limits
- Find Your Best Alternative
- Research Their Needs and Pressures
- List What You Can Give and What You Need
- Set Your Opening Position
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Decide Your Walk-Away Point
- What They Say vs What They Need
- Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
- Look for Win-Win Trades
- Separate the Person From the Problem
- Create More Options Before You Decide
- Use Fair, Objective Standards
- The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
- The Power of Calm
- Let Them Say "No" First
- Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
- Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
- Mirror and Pause
- The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
- Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
- Never Give a Discount for Free
- Trade, Do Not Just Give
- Hold Your Price With Confidence
- Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
- Use Odd and Precise Numbers
- Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
- When to Walk Away
- Handle a Pushy Negotiator
- Respond to a Deadline Threat
- When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
- Deal With Silence and Stalling
- Stay Polite When You Are Angry
- Negotiate With Someone More Senior
- Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
- Put It in Writing the Same Day
- Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
- Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
- Protect the Relationship After the Deal
- Learn From Every Negotiation
