Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
Practical ways to use open-ended how and what questions, the engine of calm, collaborative negotiation.
Questions steer without force. Make them solve it with you.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Open questions invite thought
Questions starting with how and what avoid defensiveness and bring out fuller answers.
Prepare a few.
Avoid accusing why questions
Why can sound like blame, so rephrase as what led to this?
Rewrite one.
Ask and then wait
Silence after the question gives them space to think.
Count three.
Listen carefully to the answer
Their words reveal needs, limits and options.
Take notes.
Use their answers in your proposals
Echoing their ideas shows respect and increases buy-in.
Reference them.
Ask what am I missing?
This humble question often uncovers the key fact.
Use it before closing.
Ask how would that work?
It invites practical detail instead of vague promises.
Use it on any claim.
Avoid yes or no questions
Closed questions give little information.
Check your wording.
Keep asking until you understand
Persistence in curiosity prevents costly mistakes.
Ask one more.
Start with "how" or "what"
Soft.
Practise.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“How would that work for you?”
“What is most important here?”
“How can we make this work for both of us?”
“What happens if we cannot agree?”
“What am I missing?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Write five how and what questions
Replace “why” accusations
Ask and wait
Listen carefully
Use their answers
Avoid yes or no
Review
Further reading
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
- Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
- Start With No (Jim Camp)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Let Them Say "No" FirstNext: Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?" →
- Know Your Goals and Your Limits
- Find Your Best Alternative
- Research Their Needs and Pressures
- List What You Can Give and What You Need
- Set Your Opening Position
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Decide Your Walk-Away Point
- What They Say vs What They Need
- Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
- Look for Win-Win Trades
- Separate the Person From the Problem
- Create More Options Before You Decide
- Use Fair, Objective Standards
- The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
- The Power of Calm
- Let Them Say "No" First
- Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
- Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
- Mirror and Pause
- The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
- Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
- Never Give a Discount for Free
- Trade, Do Not Just Give
- Hold Your Price With Confidence
- Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
- Use Odd and Precise Numbers
- Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
- When to Walk Away
- Handle a Pushy Negotiator
- Respond to a Deadline Threat
- When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
- Deal With Silence and Stalling
- Stay Polite When You Are Angry
- Negotiate With Someone More Senior
- Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
- Put It in Writing the Same Day
- Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
- Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
- Protect the Relationship After the Deal
- Learn From Every Negotiation
