Stay Polite When You Are Angry
Practical ways to stay polite when you are angry, protecting your reputation and your position.
Anger is human. Courtesy is a choice.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Anger is human, courtesy is a choice
Even when you feel heated, polite behaviour protects your reputation and your position.
Choose it.
Know your signals of anger
Heat, speed and a tight jaw warn you that emotion is rising.
List your signs.
Breathe slowly
A long exhale lowers tension and restores clear thinking.
Do it now.
Ask for a break
Saying I need a moment to think gives you space to reset.
Use the phrase.
Walk and cool down
Moving your body helps stress leave and perspective return.
Take five minutes.
Reframe the situation
Ask what this person may be afraid of or under pressure about.
Think kindly.
Return calmly
Re-enter the conversation with a steady voice and a clear focus.
Smile gently.
Never send an angry email
Wait a day before writing in heat, since written words last.
Draft, then wait.
Apologise if you slipped
A quick sorry repairs damage and shows maturity.
Say it sincerely.
Learn your triggers
Noting what sets you off lets you prepare.
Write them down.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“I need a moment to think.”
“May we take five minutes?”
“I want to respond well.”
“Let us continue when we are both calm.”
“Is that okay?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice your signs of anger
Take a breath
Ask for a break
Walk and cool down
Return calmly
Never send angry emails
Review
Further reading
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
- Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
- Start With No (Jim Camp)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Deal With Silence and StallingNext: Negotiate With Someone More Senior →
- Know Your Goals and Your Limits
- Find Your Best Alternative
- Research Their Needs and Pressures
- List What You Can Give and What You Need
- Set Your Opening Position
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Decide Your Walk-Away Point
- What They Say vs What They Need
- Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
- Look for Win-Win Trades
- Separate the Person From the Problem
- Create More Options Before You Decide
- Use Fair, Objective Standards
- The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
- The Power of Calm
- Let Them Say "No" First
- Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
- Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
- Mirror and Pause
- The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
- Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
- Never Give a Discount for Free
- Trade, Do Not Just Give
- Hold Your Price With Confidence
- Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
- Use Odd and Precise Numbers
- Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
- When to Walk Away
- Handle a Pushy Negotiator
- Respond to a Deadline Threat
- When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
- Deal With Silence and Stalling
- Stay Polite When You Are Angry
- Negotiate With Someone More Senior
- Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
- Put It in Writing the Same Day
- Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
- Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
- Protect the Relationship After the Deal
- Learn From Every Negotiation
