Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
Practical ways to use “How am I supposed to do that?”, a polite no that invites a better offer.
A question can refuse kindly. Let them solve it.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
A polite way to say no
How am I supposed to do that? turns a hard demand into a shared problem and invites a better offer.
Learn it.
Say it softly
The question should sound curious and sincere, never sarcastic.
Lower your voice.
Pause after asking
Give them time to think about the difficulty of their request.
Count three.
Listen to their answer
Their reply reveals flexibility or a new idea.
Take notes.
Offer a workable alternative
After they respond, suggest something that is possible.
Prepare options.
Avoid sarcasm
A mocking tone breaks trust.
Check your tone.
Use it on unreasonable requests
It sets boundaries without conflict.
Choose the moment.
Use it more than once if needed
Gently repeat the idea to keep the problem with them.
Stay calm.
Combine with empathy
Start with I want to help, then ask the question.
Blend both.
Practise with a friend
Role-play to get the tone right.
Try three times.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“I would love to help. What do you suggest?”
“I want to find something that works.”
“(Wait.)”
“Is there another way?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Practise the phrase
Soften your tone
Pause after asking
Listen
Offer alternatives
Avoid sarcasm
Review
Further reading
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
- Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
- Start With No (Jim Camp)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Open-Ended "How" and "What" QuestionsNext: Mirror and Pause →
- Know Your Goals and Your Limits
- Find Your Best Alternative
- Research Their Needs and Pressures
- List What You Can Give and What You Need
- Set Your Opening Position
- Plan Your First Three Sentences
- Decide Your Walk-Away Point
- What They Say vs What They Need
- Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
- Look for Win-Win Trades
- Separate the Person From the Problem
- Create More Options Before You Decide
- Use Fair, Objective Standards
- The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
- The Power of Calm
- Let Them Say "No" First
- Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
- Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
- Mirror and Pause
- The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
- Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
- Never Give a Discount for Free
- Trade, Do Not Just Give
- Hold Your Price With Confidence
- Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
- Use Odd and Precise Numbers
- Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
- When to Walk Away
- Handle a Pushy Negotiator
- Respond to a Deadline Threat
- When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
- Deal With Silence and Stalling
- Stay Polite When You Are Angry
- Negotiate With Someone More Senior
- Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
- Put It in Writing the Same Day
- Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
- Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
- Protect the Relationship After the Deal
- Learn From Every Negotiation
