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Sales Skills / Negotiate Without Fear / Lesson 08
LESSON 08 · NEGOTIATE WITHOUT FEAR

What They Say vs What They Need

Practical ways to tell the difference between what they say and what they need, the heart of principled negotiation.

Positions are not interests. Look behind the demand.

10 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

10 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Start With No (Jim Camp), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.

Photo for the tip: What they say is a position
TIP 1

What they say is a position

The demand on the table often hides a deeper need that could be met in other ways.

TRY THIS
Look beneath it.
Photo for the tip: Ask what the demand will give them
TIP 2

Ask what the demand will give them

A question such as what would that allow you to do? reveals the real need.

TRY THIS
Use a calm tone.
Photo for the tip: Separate positions from interests
TIP 3

Separate positions from interests

Positions are what people ask for, interests are why they ask, and interests are easier to satisfy.

TRY THIS
Write both columns.
Photo for the tip: Listen for emotion and pressure
TIP 4

Listen for emotion and pressure

Stress or fear often drives hard demands, so listen for what is behind the tone.

TRY THIS
Reflect it gently.
Photo for the tip: Offer alternatives that meet the same need
TIP 5

Offer alternatives that meet the same need

If you can meet the need in a different way, the demand may fade.

TRY THIS
Brainstorm options.
Photo for the tip: Check your understanding
TIP 6

Check your understanding

Summarise what you think they need and ask if you are right.

TRY THIS
Say it aloud.
Photo for the tip: Avoid arguing about positions
TIP 7

Avoid arguing about positions

Fighting over fixed demands creates stalemate.

TRY THIS
Redirect to needs.
Photo for the tip: Share your own interests too
TIP 8

Share your own interests too

Explaining why you need something helps them find solutions.

TRY THIS
Be open.
Photo for the tip: Look for overlaps
TIP 9

Look for overlaps

Where needs match, agreement is easy.

TRY THIS
Mark them.
Photo for the tip: Keep exploring until needs are clear
TIP 10

Keep exploring until needs are clear

Do not rush to bargain before you understand.

TRY THIS
Ask one more question.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.

ASK

“Why is that important to you?”

DIG

“What would that give you?”

LINK

“So the real need is certainty.”

OFFER

“There may be other ways to get that.”

CHECK

“Is that right?”

THANKS

“Thank you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
List their stated positions
DAY 2
Guess the interests behind each
DAY 3
Ask why
DAY 4
Check your guess
DAY 5
Look for creative options
DAY 6
Test them
DAY 7
Review

Further reading

  • Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
  • Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
  • Start With No (Jim Camp)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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Next lesson: Ask "Why Is That Important to You?" →

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “Negotiate Without Fear”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Decide Your Walk-Away PointNext: Ask "Why Is That Important to You?" →

  1. Know Your Goals and Your Limits
  2. Find Your Best Alternative
  3. Research Their Needs and Pressures
  4. List What You Can Give and What You Need
  5. Set Your Opening Position
  6. Plan Your First Three Sentences
  7. Decide Your Walk-Away Point
  8. What They Say vs What They Need
  9. Ask "Why Is That Important to You?"
  10. Look for Win-Win Trades
  11. Separate the Person From the Problem
  12. Create More Options Before You Decide
  13. Use Fair, Objective Standards
  14. The Pie Is Bigger Than You Think
  15. The Power of Calm
  16. Let Them Say "No" First
  17. Open-Ended "How" and "What" Questions
  18. Use "How Am I Supposed to Do That?"
  19. Mirror and Pause
  20. The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
  21. Let Them Talk Themselves Into It
  22. Never Give a Discount for Free
  23. Trade, Do Not Just Give
  24. Hold Your Price With Confidence
  25. Respond to "That Is Our Budget"
  26. Use Odd and Precise Numbers
  27. Bundle Instead of Cutting Price
  28. When to Walk Away
  29. Handle a Pushy Negotiator
  30. Respond to a Deadline Threat
  31. When They Say "Take It or Leave It"
  32. Deal With Silence and Stalling
  33. Stay Polite When You Are Angry
  34. Negotiate With Someone More Senior
  35. Summarise Every Agreement Out Loud
  36. Put It in Writing the Same Day
  37. Leave Both Sides Feeling Good
  38. Do Not Celebrate Too Soon
  39. Protect the Relationship After the Deal
  40. Learn From Every Negotiation
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