Get Past the Gatekeeper Kindly
Forty ways to get past the gatekeeper with kindness, respect and a clear, honest reason.
Gatekeepers are people, not obstacles. Respect opens doors.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Fanatical Prospecting (Jeb Blount), Smart Calling (Art Sobczak), How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), and Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Gatekeepers are professionals
Receptionists and assistants protect time and often know the business better than anyone. Treat them as valued colleagues. Gatekeepers are professionals, so treat them as colleagues.
Next time an assistant answers, greet them as a professional. Ask for their advice on how to reach the person.
Ask their name
Using a person’s name shows respect and builds a small relationship. Write down the name you hear. Ask their name, and use it with care.
On your next call to an office, ask the name of the person who answers. Write it down and use it once or twice.
Be warm
A friendly tone costs nothing and often changes the whole call. Smile before you speak. Warmth costs nothing and opens doors.
Smile for three seconds before you dial. Say ‘Good morning’ warmly and slowly.
Be clear about who and why
A simple, honest reason helps them decide how to help you. Write your request in one sentence. A clear, honest request helps the gatekeeper to help you.
Write one sentence with your name, company, reason and wish. Read it aloud and make it plain.
Never trick them
Pretending to know the owner damages trust and your reputation. Check that every word is true. Never trick a gatekeeper. Tell the truth.
Check your script for any claim that is not fully true. Remove it, and replace it with a plain statement.
Ask for advice
‘What is the best way to reach them?’ invites help instead of resistance. Use this question today. Ask the gatekeeper for advice, and they become a helper.
Write the question ‘What is the best way to reach ___?’ Ask it on your next call to a gatekeeper.
Ask who handles it
Asking who is responsible for a topic points you to the right person. Phrase it politely. Ask who handles your topic, and reach the right person.
Write ‘Who handles ___?’ with your topic. Ask it on your next call.
Ask when is best
Learning the best time saves repeated failed calls. Ask and note the answer. Ask when is best, and call at that time.
Write the question ‘When is the best time to reach ___?’ Ask it on your next gatekeeper call.
Explain the benefit briefly
One line about how you help the company is enough. Write one benefit line. Give a one-line benefit, and then stop.
Write one sentence that says how you help, in plain words. Say it aloud, and check that it is under ten seconds.
Do not claim a relationship you lack
False familiarity is easily exposed. Check your wording. Do not pretend to be a friend, since honesty is stronger.
Look at how you ask for the person by name. Use a respectful form, such as title and surname.
Do not talk down
Everyone deserves respect, regardless of title. Listen to your own tone. Treat every person with respect, whatever their title.
Record one call to an office, or imagine one. Listen for any sharp, bored or commanding tone.
Do not argue
Arguing with a gatekeeper ends the conversation. Accept and thank them. Do not argue with the gatekeeper. Accept, and thank them.
Write a calm reply to ‘We do not take sales calls’. Add one gentle question, such as ‘Is there a better way?’
Thank them sincerely
Genuine gratitude makes people want to help again. Say thank you clearly. A sincere thank-you makes people want to help again.
End your next gatekeeper call with a sincere thank-you, using their name. Say what they did that helped.
Thank them again later
When you reach the person, mention how kind the gatekeeper was. Remember to do it. Thank the gatekeeper again when you reach the boss.
Next time you reach a decision maker after a gatekeeper’s help, mention the help. Keep it honest and short.
Send a thank-you note
A brief card or email is memorable and rare. Write one this week. A short thank-you note is rare, and it is remembered.
Buy or find a few plain cards. Write two or three sincere lines to a gatekeeper who helped you.
Remember their name
Using it next time builds a real relationship. Keep a note. Remember their name, and the relationship grows.
After each gatekeeper call, write the name and one small detail. Read your note before the next call.
Ask how they are
A moment of human warmth makes you stand out. Ask briefly and listen. A kind question shows you see the person.
On your next gatekeeper call, ask ‘How is your day going?’ Listen to the answer and respond kindly.
Learn their schedule
Knowing busy times helps you call when they are free. Make a note of it. Learn their schedule, and call when they are free.
Ask one gatekeeper, ‘When are you least busy?’ Write the answer in your notes.
Call early
Before the day starts, calls often reach decision makers directly. Try one early call. Try early calls, since decision makers may answer.
Choose five prospects for early calls this week. Call between seven and eight thirty, with a short, warm opening.
Call late
After hours, executives sometimes answer their own phones. Try one late call. Try a few late calls, and keep them short and polite.
Pick five prospects for late calls this week, between five and six thirty. Open with a short, polite remark about the hour.
Call at lunch
Gatekeepers are away and decision makers sometimes pick up. Test it once. Test lunchtime calls, and learn what works in your market.
Choose five prospects for a lunchtime test this week. Call between twelve and one thirty, with a short, polite opening.
Use a direct line if offered
If given a number, use it with thanks. Thank them for it. If you are given a direct line, use it with thanks and care.
If you are given a direct line, thank the person warmly. Write it down, and check it by repeating it.
Leave a clear message
Say your name, reason and number slowly. Practise it aloud. Leave a clear, slow message, and check that it is right.
Write a message: name, company, reason and number. Practise saying it aloud slowly, with the number twice.
Offer to send information
If they prefer, offer a short written summary. Prepare one page. Have a short page ready, and send it promptly.
Write a one-page summary: who you are, what you offer and a next step. Offer it when a gatekeeper asks for information.
Accept a no gracefully
A kind exit protects the future relationship. Say thanks and goodbye. Accept a no gracefully, and leave a good memory.
Write a one-line graceful reply to a firm no. Say it aloud, with warmth.
Try again later
Persistence at different times often works. Set a reminder. Try again later, at a different time, with something new.
Pick one prospect where you got a no. Set a reminder to try again in a week, at a different time.
Use an event
Meeting in person bypasses the gate entirely. Plan to attend one. Meeting in person at an event can open a closed door.
Find one event this month where your prospects may be. Prepare a warm opening line and a question.
Use LinkedIn
A professional message can reach the person directly. Send a short note. A short, honest note on LinkedIn can reach the person.
Check that your profile is clear and friendly. Send a three-line note to one prospect, with a real reason.
Be consistent
The same courtesy every time builds your reputation. Make it a habit. Be consistently courteous, and your reputation grows.
Write three rules for how you treat gatekeepers. Put them by your phone.
Be patient
Access sometimes takes several attempts. Plan three tries. Reaching people takes time, so be patient and kind.
For one prospect, plan three attempts over two weeks. Vary the day and time.
Respect boundaries
If they ask you not to call, honour it. Note it down. If they ask you to stop, stop, and record it.
Check the rules on calling lists and consent in your country. Write a one-line reply for a do-not-call request.
Share what works
Teach colleagues the approaches that succeed. Tell one person. Share what works, and everyone grows.
Think of one approach that worked with a gatekeeper. Tell one colleague or friend, with a short example.
Review your calls
Look for what opened doors and what closed them. Note two points. Review your calls, and learn what opens doors.
Pick two gatekeeper calls from last week, one good and one poor. Write what helped and what hurt.
Celebrate allies
A friendly gatekeeper can become a long-term friend. Say thanks again. Celebrate your allies, and friendships will follow.
Think of one gatekeeper who has been kind to you. Send them a short thank-you card or message this week.
Treat the gatekeeper as part of the team
They may support your cause later, and they often have a say in what reaches the boss. Note one gatekeeper as a helpful ally. Treat the gatekeeper as part of the team, and they help you.
Pick one gatekeeper you work with. Tell them your plan before you send a note to their boss.
Share a short, clear reason
A one-line reason helps them to pass your request on correctly. Write your request in one line. Give the gatekeeper a short reason that they can easily pass on.
Write your reason as one clear sentence with a benefit. Say it slowly on your next gatekeeper call.
Ask what helps them pass your message on
They know how to get a note to the right person. Ask how they prefer it. Ask how they prefer to pass your message on, and do it their way.
Write the question ‘What is the best way to leave this with you?’ Ask it on your next gatekeeper call.
Never ask them to lie for you
Asking someone to say you are a friend or that it is urgent damages trust. Check that your request is honest. Never ask a gatekeeper to bend the truth for you.
Look at your requests to gatekeepers. Remove any that ask them to bend the truth.
Learn what the company values
The front desk often knows what matters to the business. Listen for hints. Listen at the front desk, and learn what matters to the company.
On your next gatekeeper call, ask ‘What is keeping you busy this week?’ Write any hint about what the company values.
Build a gatekeeper network
Many small friendly relationships add up over years. Stay in touch with one. Build a network of friendly gatekeepers, one kindness at a time.
Start a list of friendly gatekeepers you have met, with a note on each. Choose one to contact this week with a short, kind message.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Hi, this is Sam. May I ask your name?”
“Thank you, Maria. I appreciate your help.”
“I would like to speak with whoever handles purchasing.”
“I have something that may help with stock counts.”
“What is the best way to reach them?”
“Thank you for your time.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Learn one gatekeeper’s name
Write a respectful request
Ask for advice, not access
Thank a gatekeeper
Call at a different time
Leave a clear message
Review what worked
Further reading
- Fanatical Prospecting (Jeb Blount)
- Cold Calling Techniques (Stephan Schiffman)
- The Little Red Book of Selling (Jeffrey Gitomer)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
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Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
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- Why Calls Still Beat Everything
- Your 20-Second Opening
- The Friendly Interrupt
- Open With a Reason, Not a Pitch
- Get Past the Gatekeeper Kindly
- Leave a Voicemail People Return
- What to Do When They Say "Not Interested"
- Subject Lines People Open
- The Three-Sentence Email
- Personalise in One Line
- Make One Clear Ask
- Follow-Up Emails That Do Not Annoy
- The Friendly Breakup Email
- Fix the Mistakes That Land You in Spam
- A LinkedIn Profile That Attracts Buyers
- Connect With a Note, Not a Pitch
- Comment Your Way Into a Conversation
- Share Posts That Show Expertise
- Slide Into Messages Politely
- Turn a Like Into a Call
- Social Selling in 15 Minutes a Day
- Walk Into a Business With Confidence
- Your 10-Second First Impression
- Handshakes, Smiles and Eye Contact
- Start a Chat at an Event
- Hand Out Cards the Natural Way
- Read the Room Before You Speak
- Leave Something Memorable Behind
- Ask for a Meeting Without Begging
- The 15-Minute Offer
- Propose Two Time Options
- Confirm Meetings So They Show Up
- Reduce No-Shows Politely
- Rescue a Stalled Conversation
- I Am Busy: What to Say
- Just Send Me Information
- We Already Have a Supplier
- Send Me an Email
- Call Me Next Quarter
- Stay Friendly and Stay in Touch
