Confidence / Stopping Overthinking / Lesson 01

LESSON 01 · STOPPING OVERTHINKING

What Overthinking Really Is

Thirty-two ways to understand what overthinking really is, so you can recognise it early and stop feeding it.

Overthinking is thinking that goes in circles. Seeing the circle is the first step out.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Chatter (Ethan Kross), Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen), The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Overthinking is thinking that goes in circles

Normal thinking moves toward a decision or an answer. Overthinking repeats the same thoughts without getting anywhere. Psychologists often call it rumination when it looks back and worry when it looks ahead.

TRY THIS
Ask, “Is this thought moving forward or going round?”

TIP 2

Two flavours: rumination and worry

Rumination replays the past (“Why did I say that?”). Worry rehearses the future (“What if it goes wrong?”). Knowing which one you are doing helps you pick the right tool.

TRY THIS
Label your next loop: past or future?

TIP 3

It feels like work, but it is not

Overthinking can feel responsible, as though thinking harder will keep you safe. Researchers such as Susan Nolen-Hoeksema found that rumination tends to deepen low mood rather than solve problems.

TRY THIS
Say, “Spinning is not solving.”

TIP 4

Smart people do it a lot

A busy, curious mind has plenty of fuel for loops. Overthinking is not a sign that something is wrong with you; it is a strong mind running without a destination.

TRY THIS
Give your mind a clear job instead.

TIP 5

It is a habit, not a fact

Thought loops become habits through repetition, like a path worn into grass. Habits can be changed, slowly, by taking a different path again and again.

TRY THIS
Take a different path in your thoughts once today.

TIP 6

The loop has a shape

Most loops follow the same pattern: a trigger, a question with no answer, a wave of feeling, then the same question again. Seeing the shape makes it less mysterious.

TRY THIS
Sketch your last loop on paper in four boxes.

TIP 7

Questions without answers feed the loop

“Why am I like this?” and “What if I fail?” cannot be answered, so the mind keeps asking. Swap them for questions that can be answered: “What is one thing I can do now?”

TRY THIS
Rewrite one unanswerable question.

TIP 8

More information rarely helps

Overthinkers often seek endless facts to feel certain. But certainty is not available for most things, and extra research can feed anxiety instead of calming it.

TRY THIS
Set a limit on how much you will look up.

TIP 9

Feelings fuel the loop

Anxiety, shame and anger give thoughts extra energy. A strong feeling makes a thought feel important, even if it is not.

TRY THIS
Notice the feeling under the thought.

TIP 10

The body joins in

Overthinking often comes with a tight chest, clenched jaw or restless legs. The body and mind keep each other going, so calming one helps the other.

TRY THIS
Relax your jaw and shoulders now.

TIP 11

Thoughts are mental events

A thought is something your brain produces, like a passing cloud. It is not an order and not always a fact. You can watch it without obeying it.

TRY THIS
Say, “I am having the thought that…”

TIP 12

Notice the first moment

The earlier you notice a loop, the easier it is to stop. Aim to catch it in the first minute rather than the first hour.

TRY THIS
Ask yourself at three set times today, “Where is my mind?”

TIP 13

Name it: "Here is the loop"

Ethan Kross, in his book Chatter, describes how naming your inner voice and speaking to yourself from a distance can reduce its grip. A simple label such as “loop again” is a start.

TRY THIS
Say, “Ah, the loop.”

TIP 14

Don't fight it head-on

Telling yourself “Stop thinking!” often makes thoughts louder. Redirecting attention works better than forcing silence.

TRY THIS
Shift to a task instead of arguing.

TIP 15

Don't judge yourself for looping

Adding “I shouldn’t be doing this” creates a second loop on top of the first. Be gentle: it is a habit, and you are learning another.

TRY THIS
Say, “No blame, just notice.”

TIP 16

Know your loop times

Many people loop most at night, in the shower, on commutes or when idle. Knowing your times lets you plan a helpful activity for them.

TRY THIS
Write your top two loop times.

TIP 17

Know your loop topics

Common topics: work, money, health, relationships, the past. Your list shows where a plan or a conversation might actually help.

TRY THIS
List your top three topics.

TIP 18

Sort: can I act?

Some loops point to something you can do. Write the action and a date. For the rest, there is nothing to do except let them pass.

TRY THIS
Draw two columns: “Act” and “Let pass”.

TIP 19

Overthinking is not caring more

It may feel like loyalty to the problem, but love and care show up in action, not in rumination. You can care deeply and think less.

TRY THIS
Replace one hour of thinking with one small action.

TIP 20

Overthinking is not planning

Planning ends with a step and a date. Overthinking ends with another round. Use the first and let the second go.

TRY THIS
Turn one loop into a three-line plan.

TIP 21

Not all thinking is bad

Reflection can be helpful when it is time-limited, curious and aims at learning. Aim to reflect, not ruminate.

TRY THIS
Set a timer for any review.

TIP 22

Scene: after a conversation

You replay what you said. Ask once, “What would I do differently?” Note one thing and close the file.

TRY THIS
Write one lesson and stop.

TIP 23

Scene: before a decision

You list pros and cons for the tenth time. Set a deadline and choose the option that fits your values.

TRY THIS
Decide by a set time.

TIP 24

Scene: before bed

Your mind gets loud in the dark. Write your top three thoughts on paper and promise yourself to look at them tomorrow.

TRY THIS
Keep a pad by the bed.

TIP 25

Scene: waiting for results

You imagine every outcome. Plan what you will do in each case, then distract yourself with something absorbing.

TRY THIS
Choose an absorbing activity.

TIP 26

Scene: after an email

You rewrite it five times. Set a limit of two drafts, then send.

TRY THIS
Send on the second draft.

TIP 27

Scene: on social media

You compare, then spiral. Close the app and do something with your hands.

TRY THIS
Put your phone in another room.

TIP 28

Scene: with health worries

Check facts once from a reliable source, then stop searching. If worry stays, talk to a doctor.

TRY THIS
Limit searches to one.

TIP 29

Scene: with money worries

List the numbers, make a simple plan and review it weekly rather than daily.

TRY THIS
Pick a weekly money check.

TIP 30

Scene: in a relationship

Replaying words from a fight keeps it alive. If something needs saying, say it kindly; otherwise let it rest.

TRY THIS
Decide: talk or release.

TIP 31

Scene: at work

Stewing over feedback can eat your day. Write the three actions and begin the first.

TRY THIS
Start one.

TIP 32

Tools you'll learn

This topic gives you simple tools: spotting loops, quieting the inner critic, breaking loops in sixty seconds, parking worries, ending replays and building a calmer mind.

TRY THIS
Read the lesson list once.

TIP 33

Small steps count

You don’t need to stop overthinking forever. Even shortening a loop from an hour to ten minutes is a big win.

TRY THIS
Aim for shorter loops.

TIP 34

Track your progress

Rate your overthinking from 1 to 10 each evening for two weeks. You’ll see patterns and improvements.

TRY THIS
Start tonight.

TIP 35

Be patient

Changing a thought habit takes weeks of practice. Be kind on slow days.

TRY THIS
Repeat, “Gently, again.”

TIP 36

Get support if needed

If overthinking stops you from working, sleeping or enjoying life, talk to a doctor or therapist. Help is effective.

TRY THIS
Know where to turn.

TIP 37

Share it

Telling a friend “I overthink” often brings relief; many will say “Me too”.

TRY THIS
Mention it to one person.

TIP 38

Celebrate noticing

Each time you catch a loop, that is a win. Noticing is the first skill.

TRY THIS
Mark each catch.

TIP 39

Practise daily

Short daily practice beats occasional long effort.

TRY THIS
Choose a daily cue.

TIP 40

Remember: you are not your thoughts

You are the one noticing them. That awareness is your power.

TRY THIS
Say, “I notice.”

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

NOTICE

“I notice I am going in circles.”

NAME

“This is overthinking, not problem solving.”

PAUSE

“Let me take a breath and step back.”

ASK

“What is one thing I can actually do?”

THANK

“Thanks for listening while I sorted this out.”

“I feel calmer now.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Notice the loop

DAY 2
Name it out loud

DAY 3
Breathe out slowly

DAY 4
Ask what you can act on

DAY 5
Write it down

DAY 6
Change activity

DAY 7
Review later

More lessons in “Stopping Overthinking”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

Next: Problem Solving or Spinning? The Test →