Use Your Own Name in Self-Talk
Thirty-two simple ways to use your own name in self-talk, a clever trick that calms the mind and builds distance.
Say your name, not I. Talking to yourself like a coach works.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Chatter (Ethan Kross), Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen), The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Say your name, not "I"
When you talk to yourself using your own name or “you”, you create a little distance. Ethan Kross and colleagues found that this self-distancing helped people stay calmer under stress and think more clearly about problems.
Try: “[Your name], you can handle this.”
Why it works
Using your name makes you feel like an adviser rather than the person in the storm.
Notice the shift.
Use it in your head
You don’t have to speak aloud.
Use silent self-talk.
Use it when stressed
Before a presentation or tough talk, say “You’ve prepared, [name].”
Try it.
Use it after mistakes
“[Name], that’s okay. What’s the lesson?”
Say it.
Use it for decisions
“[Name], what would you advise?”
Ask.
Use "you" too
“You can do this” works similarly.
Try both.
Use a friendly nickname
A kind nickname adds warmth.
Choose one.
Keep tone kind
Names don’t help if the tone is harsh.
Soften.
Imagine advising a friend
“If [friend] had this, I’d say…” Then say it to yourself.
Write it.
Use the future self
“[Name] a year from now would say…”
Imagine.
Use it before sleep
“[Name], you’ve done enough today.”
Say it.
Use it during anxiety
“[Name], breathe. This will pass.”
Breathe.
Use it in the mirror
Say a kind sentence with your name.
Try it.
Use it with anger
“[Name], pause. Choose your response.”
Pause.
Use it with fear
“[Name], you are safe right now.”
Check facts.
Use it with envy
“[Name], what do you want for yourself?”
Ask.
Use it with regret
“[Name], you did your best then.”
Forgive.
Use it with doubt
“[Name], you have strengths.”
List them.
Scene: before a meeting
“[Name], you know your stuff.”
Breathe.
Scene: before a date
“[Name], be curious and kind.”
Smile.
Scene: before an exam
“[Name], one question at a time.”
Start.
Scene: at a party
“[Name], find one friendly face.”
Look around.
Scene: after a fight
“[Name], cool down first.”
Walk.
Scene: in traffic
“[Name], you will get there.”
Breathe.
Scene: in the gym
“[Name], just one more.”
Push gently.
Scene: at a doctor
“[Name], ask your questions.”
Use a list.
Scene: facing a bill
“[Name], one step.”
Open it.
Scene: on a bad day
“[Name], be gentle today.”
Rest.
Practise with a mirror
Speak to your reflection kindly.
Try for a minute.
Practise in the shower
Make it a habit.
Try it.
Practise on walks
Talk quietly to yourself.
Walk and talk.
Practise with notes
Put sticky notes with your name.
Place one.
Notice results
Rate stress before and after.
Record.
Combine with breathing
Name plus slow breath is powerful.
Combine.
Combine with movement
Stand tall as you speak.
Stand.
Combine with writing
Write the sentence.
Write it.
Be patient
It feels odd at first.
Keep trying.
Seek help
Therapists use similar methods.
Consider it.
Close with kindness
Say, “[Name], I’ve got you.”
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“Sam, you can handle this.”
“Sam, take a breath.”
“Sam, what is the next step?”
“Well done, Sam.”
“Sam, it is okay to feel nervous.”
“Sam, you did well today.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Use your name
Speak in third person
Coach yourself
Stay calm
Make a plan
Praise yourself
Practise daily
Further reading
- Chatter (Ethan Kross)
- Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen)
- The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Stopping Overthinking”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Talk to Yourself Like a FriendNext: Write a Kinder Version of the Thought →
- What Overthinking Really Is
- Problem Solving or Spinning? The Test
- Know Your Personal Triggers
- The Late-Night Thinking Trap
- Why Your Brain Replays Bad Moments
- The Cost of Too Much Thinking
- Notice the Body Signs of a Spiral
- Name Your Inner Critic
- Ask "Is It True?"
- Spot the Thinking Traps
- Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
- Use Your Own Name in Self-Talk
- Write a Kinder Version of the Thought
- Stop Mind-Reading What Others Think
- Name Five Things You Can See
- Cold Water on Your Face
- Say "Stop" and Change the Channel
- The Long-Exhale Breath
- Stand Up and Move
- Count Back From One Hundred by Sevens
- Listen to One Song
- The Five-Minute Worry Window
- Write It Down and Close the Book
- Sort Worries: Can I Act on This?
- Make a Small Plan, Then Let Go
- Keep a Worry Notebook by Your Bed
- Zoom Out: Will This Matter in a Year?
- Share a Worry With a Friend
- Stop Replaying Embarrassing Moments
- Forgive Your Past Self
- Stop Rehearsing Arguments
- Decide Faster on Small Things
- Done Beats Perfect
- Make Peace With Not Knowing
- Ten Minutes of Quiet Each Day
- Move Your Body, Quiet Your Mind
- Protect Your Sleep
- Limit News and Scrolling
- Spend Time in Nature
- Be Here Now: Simple Mindfulness
