Forgive Your Past Self
Thirty-two easy ways to forgive your past self, so you can stop punishing yourself for old mistakes.
You did the best you could then. Now you know more.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Chatter (Ethan Kross), Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen), The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
You did the best you could then
Looking back, you see things you could not see at the time. Judging a past self with today’s knowledge is unfair, like blaming a child for not knowing algebra. Self-forgiveness research, for example by Jennifer Wohl and colleagues, links forgiving oneself with less rumination and lower distress.
Say: “I did what I could with what I knew.”
Remember who you were
Recall your age, pressures and knowledge.
Write three facts.
Remember your options
You may have had fewer than you think.
List them.
Remember your intentions
Most mistakes come from good intentions.
Name yours.
Separate act from person
“I did something wrong” is not “I am bad”.
Rewrite.
Take responsibility
Own your part without drowning in it.
Name your part.
Say what you learned
Turn pain into wisdom.
Write it.
Make amends if possible
A sincere apology can heal.
Plan one.
If amends aren't possible
Do a kind act for someone else.
Do it.
Write a letter to your past self
Be kind and clear.
Write it.
Write a reply as the past self
What would they say?
Answer.
Picture your past self
Imagine them kindly.
Hug them in your mind.
Use the friend test
What would you tell a friend?
Say it.
Use time
Forgiveness can come in layers.
Be patient.
Use ritual
Light a candle or write and tear a note.
Choose one.
Use words of release
“I forgive myself.”
Say it.
Use support
Talk to someone kind.
Call.
Use faith or philosophy
If helpful to you.
Reflect.
Use therapy
For heavy guilt.
Seek help.
Use nature
A walk to settle.
Walk.
Scene: a financial mistake
You did what you knew. Plan forward.
Make a plan.
Scene: a hurtful word
Apologise, learn.
Say sorry.
Scene: a missed chance
Chances return in new forms.
Look ahead.
Scene: a lost friendship
Reach out or let go kindly.
Decide.
Scene: a parenting regret
Repair today.
Spend time with them.
Scene: a career regret
Use it to guide choices.
Reflect.
Scene: a health regret
Start now.
Take a step.
Scene: a breakup regret
Learn about needs.
Write lessons.
Scene: a rash decision
Accept and adapt.
Adjust.
Scene: a betrayal you committed
Take responsibility, change.
Act better.
Scene: a betrayal you suffered
Forgiving yourself for trusting is part of healing.
Be gentle.
Don't wait for perfect feelings
Forgiveness is a choice, feelings follow.
Choose.
Don't punish forever
Penance doesn’t repair.
Release.
Don't excuse harm
Accountability and compassion go together.
Balance.
Don't isolate
Connection heals.
Reach out.
Notice progress
Each lighter day counts.
Record.
Be patient
It takes time.
Keep going.
Seek urgent help
If guilt leads to thoughts of self-harm, contact emergency services or a crisis line.
Call.
Celebrate freedom
Note how it feels to forgive.
Mark it.
Close with peace
Say, “I forgive the person I was.”
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I forgive myself for that mistake.”
“I was doing my best with what I knew.”
“Here is what I know now.”
“I will make it right if I can.”
“I will use this to be kinder.”
“I can let this go now.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Name the mistake
Remember the context
Take responsibility
Repair if you can
Learn the lesson
Say the forgiveness words
Let it go
Further reading
- Chatter (Ethan Kross)
- Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen)
- The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Stopping Overthinking”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Stop Replaying Embarrassing MomentsNext: Stop Rehearsing Arguments →
- What Overthinking Really Is
- Problem Solving or Spinning? The Test
- Know Your Personal Triggers
- The Late-Night Thinking Trap
- Why Your Brain Replays Bad Moments
- The Cost of Too Much Thinking
- Notice the Body Signs of a Spiral
- Name Your Inner Critic
- Ask "Is It True?"
- Spot the Thinking Traps
- Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
- Use Your Own Name in Self-Talk
- Write a Kinder Version of the Thought
- Stop Mind-Reading What Others Think
- Name Five Things You Can See
- Cold Water on Your Face
- Say "Stop" and Change the Channel
- The Long-Exhale Breath
- Stand Up and Move
- Count Back From One Hundred by Sevens
- Listen to One Song
- The Five-Minute Worry Window
- Write It Down and Close the Book
- Sort Worries: Can I Act on This?
- Make a Small Plan, Then Let Go
- Keep a Worry Notebook by Your Bed
- Zoom Out: Will This Matter in a Year?
- Share a Worry With a Friend
- Stop Replaying Embarrassing Moments
- Forgive Your Past Self
- Stop Rehearsing Arguments
- Decide Faster on Small Things
- Done Beats Perfect
- Make Peace With Not Knowing
- Ten Minutes of Quiet Each Day
- Move Your Body, Quiet Your Mind
- Protect Your Sleep
- Limit News and Scrolling
- Spend Time in Nature
- Be Here Now: Simple Mindfulness
