Mark as done Save lessonFree account needed

Confidence / Stopping Overthinking / Lesson 08

LESSON 08 · STOPPING OVERTHINKING

Name Your Inner Critic

Thirty-two easy ways to name your inner critic, so its harsh voice loses its power over you.

Give the critic a name. Then it is just a voice, not the truth.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Chatter (Ethan Kross), Don’t Believe Everything You Think (Joseph Nguyen), The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Give the critic a name

Your inner critic is a voice, not the truth. Giving it a name, such as “Gloomy Gus” or “The Auditor”, creates distance and often brings a smile. Ethan Kross’s work on self-distancing shows that taking a step back from your inner voice reduces its power.

TRY THIS
Choose a name for your critic.

TIP 2

Notice when it speaks

Listen for phrases like “You always…” and “You should have…”. That’s the critic.

TRY THIS
Write its favourite lines.

TIP 3

Notice its tone

Harsh, sneering, panicky? The tone tells you which part of you is speaking.

TRY THIS
Describe the tone.

TIP 4

Give it a face

Imagine the critic as a cartoon character. It’s hard to take a silly character seriously.

TRY THIS
Draw it.

TIP 5

Give it a voice

Hear it in a squeaky or slow voice. It shrinks.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 6

Thank it

Say, “Thanks for trying to protect me.” Critics often want to keep you safe from failure or shame.

TRY THIS
Say thanks.

TIP 7

Ask what it fears

Under criticism is often fear of rejection or failure. Naming the fear makes it gentler.

TRY THIS
Ask: “What are you afraid of?”

TIP 8

Ask what it wants

The critic may want you to be liked or safe. Meet that need in kind ways.

TRY THIS
Write the need.

TIP 9

Don't argue with it

Arguing feeds it. Notice, thank, redirect.

TRY THIS
Say, “Noted.”

TIP 10

Don't believe everything it says

Treat it like a commentator who is often wrong.

TRY THIS
Fact-check it.

TIP 11

Fact-check

Ask: Is this true? Would I say it to a friend? What evidence is there?

TRY THIS
Answer all three.

TIP 12

Swap to a coach voice

Replace criticism with coaching: “Next time I’ll…” Coaches are firm but kind.

TRY THIS
Rewrite one line.

TIP 13

Use your name

“Sam, you’re doing fine.” Using your name helps create distance and kindness.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 14

Write dialogues

Write what the critic says and a wise friend’s reply.

TRY THIS
Do a short script.

TIP 15

Notice patterns

Does the critic come at certain times or topics?

TRY THIS
Track it.

TIP 16

Notice origin

Whose voice does it sound like? Parents, teachers, old bosses? Recognising the source loosens it.

TRY THIS
Name the origin.

TIP 17

Update its job

Ask the critic to help with proofreading, not constant attack.

TRY THIS
Give a new job.

TIP 18

Schedule it

If needed, give the critic a 5-minute meeting daily.

TRY THIS
Set a time.

TIP 19

Use humour

Imagine the critic wearing a silly hat.

TRY THIS
Smile.

TIP 20

Use self-compassion

Kristin Neff’s approach: kindness, common humanity, mindfulness. Say, “This is hard. Others feel this. May I be kind to myself.”

TRY THIS
Try the phrase.

TIP 21

Scene: after a mistake

Critic says “idiot”. You answer, “Mistakes happen. What can I learn?”

TRY THIS
Reply kindly.

TIP 22

Scene: before a presentation

Critic says “You’ll fail.” You answer, “I’ve prepared. I’ll do my best.”

TRY THIS
Repeat.

TIP 23

Scene: looking in the mirror

Critic attacks your looks. Notice three neutral or kind facts.

TRY THIS
List them.

TIP 24

Scene: scrolling social media

Critic compares. Close the app.

TRY THIS
Switch off.

TIP 25

Scene: at work

Critic doubts your skills. Review your achievements.

TRY THIS
Open the proof folder.

TIP 26

Scene: in relationships

Critic whispers you’re unlovable. Reach for a trusted friend.

TRY THIS
Call someone.

TIP 27

Scene: with money

Critic shames you. Make one small plan.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 28

Scene: with parenting

Critic says you’re failing. Notice small loving acts.

TRY THIS
List them.

TIP 29

Scene: with health

Critic says “You should be more disciplined”. Choose one kind habit.

TRY THIS
Pick it.

TIP 30

Scene: with creativity

Critic says “It’s no good.” Make a rough draft anyway.

TRY THIS
Write badly.

TIP 31

Practise daily

Spend a minute each day noticing the critic.

TRY THIS
Set a cue.

TIP 32

Keep a "kind sentences" card

Write three kind sentences to say to yourself.

TRY THIS
Write them.

TIP 33

Share it

Tell a friend about your critic’s name.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 34

Don't aim to silence it

Aim to hear it differently.

TRY THIS
Be realistic.

TIP 35

Be patient

It takes time.

TRY THIS
Keep going.

TIP 36

Seek help

A therapist can help with a harsh critic.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 37

Celebrate kindness

Each kind reply is a win.

TRY THIS
Mark it.

TIP 38

Keep it in perspective

You are more than the critic’s voice.

TRY THIS
Remember.

TIP 39

Let the critic have a seat, not the wheel

You don’t have to evict the critic. Let it ride along while you choose where the car goes. Its comments become background noise, not instructions.

TRY THIS
Say, “You can talk, but I’m driving.”

TIP 40

Close with a name

Say, “I hear you, [name], and I choose my own voice.”

TRY THIS
Write it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

NAME

“Oh, that is just Mr. Worry again.”

THANK

“Thank you, but I do not need you now.”

ASK

“Is this true, or just a habit?”

CHOOSE

“I will listen to my kind voice instead.”

SMILE

“You are loud today, my friend.”

“I feel calmer without the shouting.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Listen to the voice

DAY 2
Give it a name

DAY 3
Draw it or picture it

DAY 4
Change its voice

DAY 5
Thank it and set it aside

DAY 6
Meet your kind voice

DAY 7
Practise daily

More lessons in “Stopping Overthinking”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Notice the Body Signs of a Spiral Next: Ask "Is It True?" →