Start With Common Ground
Practical ways to start with common ground, so every conversation begins with agreement and warmth.
Begin with what you share. Agreement is a good start.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Influence (Robert Cialdini), Pre-Suasion (Robert Cialdini), Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Shared ground lowers defences
When people feel you share their views, they relax and listen more openly.
Look for agreement first.
Begin with what you agree on
Start with points both sides accept before moving to any differences.
List shared views.
Use their own words
Echoing their terms shows alignment and respect for how they think.
Quote them accurately.
Share a relevant personal detail
A brief honest detail about yourself creates a human connection.
Keep it short and true.
Ask about their values
Understanding what matters to them helps you connect your offer to their beliefs.
Ask kindly.
Avoid arguing early
Disagreements can wait until trust has formed.
Be patient.
Link your offer to shared goals
Show how your solution serves what you both want to achieve.
Explain the link.
Be sincere about similarities
Invented common ground is quickly noticed and harms trust.
Stay truthful.
Return to common ground when tension rises
Reminding both sides of shared aims calms heated moments.
Use a steady phrase.
Build on agreement
Use the points you agree on as a base for making progress.
Summarise them aloud.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“We both want this to work well.”
“We both care about quality.”
“Our shared goal is a smooth start.”
“We both started small.”
“Do you agree?”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List shared goals
List shared values
Open with one
Ask a question about it
Avoid early disagreements
Keep it genuine
Review
Further reading
- Influence (Robert Cialdini)
- Pre-Suasion (Robert Cialdini)
- Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Why People Buy”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Create a Comfortable EnvironmentNext: The Line Between Persuading and Pushing →
- Reciprocity: Give First
- Commitment: Start Small
- Social Proof: People Follow People
- Authority: Show Your Expertise
- Liking: Be Someone People Enjoy
- Scarcity: Real Limits, Honest Deadlines
- Unity: Be Part of Their Tribe
- People Buy With Feelings, Justify With Facts
- The Two Minds of Every Buyer
- Why Choice Overload Freezes People
- Anchoring: Why the First Number Matters
- The Fear of Missing Out
- Loss Hurts More Than Gain Feels Good
- Why People Hate Change
- Pre-Suasion: What Comes First Matters
- Frame Your Offer Positively
- Ask Small Questions That Say Yes
- Use Reassuring Words
- Choose Your Moment
- Create a Comfortable Environment
- Start With Common Ground
- The Line Between Persuading and Pushing
- Never Fake Scarcity
- Use Social Proof Honestly
- Be Transparent About Trade-offs
- Persuade With Their Interests, Not Yours
- Why Honest Sellers Win Long Term
- The Newspaper Test
- Offer Clear Defaults
- Cut the Number of Options
- Show the Next Step Plainly
- Reduce Risk With Guarantees
- Offer a Small First Step
- Remove Hidden Hassles
- The Analytical Buyer
- The Quick-Decision Buyer
- The Relationship Buyer
- The Cautious Buyer
- Buying for a Team vs Buying Alone
- Adapt Your Style in Minutes
