Persuade With Their Interests, Not Yours
Practical ways to persuade with their interests, not yours, so your influence feels like help.
Their gain first. Align your goals with theirs.
10 tips that really help
These ideas come from Influence (Robert Cialdini), Pre-Suasion (Robert Cialdini), Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Their interests come first
Persuasion works best when it helps customers get what they truly want.
Start with their goals.
Ask what they want to achieve
Clarify their aims before offering any solution.
Listen carefully.
Link each feature to their goal
Show how every part of your offer serves something they said matters.
Be specific.
Do not sell what suits you
Recommend what fits their situation, even if it earns you less.
Check your motives.
Speak in their terms
Use their metrics and language so the value is obvious.
Learn their vocabulary.
Show that your success depends on theirs
Letting them see aligned interests builds trust.
Explain it simply.
Respect their limits
Work within their budget and timeline rather than pushing beyond them.
Ask what is realistic.
Offer options that fit
Provide choices at different levels so they can find the right match.
Prepare three.
Check their satisfaction
Ask whether the plan meets their needs and adjust if not.
Confirm regularly.
Adapt as their needs change
Stay flexible as their situation evolves.
Review every quarter.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Here is what this does for you.”
“Is this useful for your situation?”
“It may not be the best fit.”
“Another option might serve you better.”
“I want you to get this right.”
“Thank you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List their interests
Match features to them
Ask what matters
Be willing to say it is not a fit
Recommend what helps them
Check results later
Review
Further reading
- Influence (Robert Cialdini)
- Pre-Suasion (Robert Cialdini)
- Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Why People Buy”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Be Transparent About Trade-offsNext: Why Honest Sellers Win Long Term →
- Reciprocity: Give First
- Commitment: Start Small
- Social Proof: People Follow People
- Authority: Show Your Expertise
- Liking: Be Someone People Enjoy
- Scarcity: Real Limits, Honest Deadlines
- Unity: Be Part of Their Tribe
- People Buy With Feelings, Justify With Facts
- The Two Minds of Every Buyer
- Why Choice Overload Freezes People
- Anchoring: Why the First Number Matters
- The Fear of Missing Out
- Loss Hurts More Than Gain Feels Good
- Why People Hate Change
- Pre-Suasion: What Comes First Matters
- Frame Your Offer Positively
- Ask Small Questions That Say Yes
- Use Reassuring Words
- Choose Your Moment
- Create a Comfortable Environment
- Start With Common Ground
- The Line Between Persuading and Pushing
- Never Fake Scarcity
- Use Social Proof Honestly
- Be Transparent About Trade-offs
- Persuade With Their Interests, Not Yours
- Why Honest Sellers Win Long Term
- The Newspaper Test
- Offer Clear Defaults
- Cut the Number of Options
- Show the Next Step Plainly
- Reduce Risk With Guarantees
- Offer a Small First Step
- Remove Hidden Hassles
- The Analytical Buyer
- The Quick-Decision Buyer
- The Relationship Buyer
- The Cautious Buyer
- Buying for a Team vs Buying Alone
- Adapt Your Style in Minutes
