Confidence / Overcoming Nervousness / Lesson 16

LESSON 16 · OVERCOMING NERVOUSNESS

Replace What-If With What-Then

Thirty easy ways to replace what-if with what-then, so your mind moves from fear to a clear plan.

What then? is a plan. Plans beat worries.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers), The Upside of Stress (Kelly McGonigal), The 5 Second Rule (Mel Robbins), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

"What if" has no ending

“What if I freeze?” leads to “What if they laugh?” and then “What if I lose my job?” The chain can run forever because it never asks for an answer. Swap it for a question that does.

TRY THIS
Catch one “what if” today and add “then what?” to it.

TIP 2

"What then?" asks for a plan

“What if I forget my words?” becomes “What then? I pause, check my notes and carry on.” The second question moves your mind from worry to action.

TRY THIS
Write one what-if and answer it with a what-then.

TIP 3

Worry is a loop, planning is a line

Worry circles the same scary picture. Planning moves from problem to step to next step and ends. A good what-then answer ends in something you can do.

TRY THIS
Turn one worry loop into a three-step line.

TIP 4

Write the what-if down

Writing a fear on paper stops it echoing in your head. Seeing it in words, it often looks smaller and clearer.

TRY THIS
Write your top what-if in one sentence.

TIP 5

Answer in one sentence

Short answers beat long speeches. “Then I will pause and breathe” is easier to remember than a paragraph.

TRY THIS
Write a one-sentence what-then for your top fear.

TIP 6

Plan the first step only

You do not need a full plan, only the first move. “Then I will take a sip of water” is enough to start.

TRY THIS
Write the first step for your biggest what-if.

TIP 7

Make a coping card

Write three what-ifs on one side of a card and your what-thens on the other. Keep it in your pocket for reassurance.

TRY THIS
Make a card for your next event.

TIP 8

Include the mild versions

Most what-ifs have mild versions that are far more likely than the disaster. “What if I stumble on a word?” “Then I smile and carry on.”

TRY THIS
Write the mild version of your fear.

TIP 9

Ask who could help

“What then? I could ask a colleague.” Remember that you are rarely alone. Support is part of a good plan.

TRY THIS
Write one person you could ask for help.

TIP 10

Check your resources

List your strengths and tools: breathing, notes, a friend, experience. You have more resources than your fear admits.

TRY THIS
List five resources you have.

TIP 11

Include a recovery line

“Then I say, ‘Let me try that again’.” A pre-chosen line removes panic from a slip.

TRY THIS
Write a recovery line for your event.

TIP 12

Use the "even if" frame

“Even if it goes badly, I will survive and learn.” This statement is true, even if uncomfortable, and it removes the sense of doom.

TRY THIS
Complete: “Even if…, I will…”

TIP 13

Think of a friend in your shoes

What-then advice is easier to give to a friend. Imagine they asked you the same question and write your advice.

TRY THIS
Write advice to a friend with your fear.

TIP 14

Stop the chain early

When what-ifs multiply, stop at the first and answer it. You do not have to solve ten problems tonight.

TRY THIS
Answer only the first what-if.

TIP 15

Mark which what-ifs you can control

Some fears you can plan for, such as bringing a charger. Others, such as the weather, you cannot. Plan for the first and accept the second.

TRY THIS
Mark each what-if as “can plan” or “cannot control”.

TIP 16

Prepare for the practical

Many what-ifs are practical: transport, equipment, timing. A simple checklist solves them in minutes.

TRY THIS
Make a checklist for your event.

TIP 17

Rehearse the what-then

Practising the answer once, such as pausing and breathing, makes it automatic. Rehearsal turns worry into skill.

TRY THIS
Practise your pause once out loud.

TIP 18

Use a worry window

Give yourself ten minutes to think through what-ifs and what-thens, then close the notebook. Boundaries help worry stay in its place.

TRY THIS
Set a ten-minute daily worry window.

TIP 19

Replace "should" with "could"

“I should have prepared more” blames, “I could prepare more” plans. The second leads to action.

TRY THIS
Swap one “should” for “could”.

TIP 20

Ask for the likely answer

“What is most likely to happen?” leads to a calmer picture. Most likely outcomes are rarely dramatic.

TRY THIS
Write the most likely outcome.

TIP 21

Use humour

“What if I trip on stage? Then I will get a laugh and a story.” Humour can make the worst case feel less heavy.

TRY THIS
Write one funny what-then.

TIP 22

Accept uncertainty

Nobody can predict the future. Accepting this is a relief, because you can stop trying to solve the unsolvable.

TRY THIS
Say, “I cannot know, and I can cope.”

TIP 23

Learn from past what-ifs

Look back at past worries. How many came true? How many were handled? The record builds trust.

TRY THIS
Write three past what-ifs and what happened.

TIP 24

Track your what-ifs

Keep a note of what-ifs and the outcomes. In a month, you will see how few came true.

TRY THIS
Start a “worry and result” note.

TIP 25

Replace catastrophic words

Words like “disaster” and “ruined” feed fear. Choose “awkward” or “tricky” for a more realistic frame.

TRY THIS
Rewrite one worry in milder words.

TIP 26

Add a time frame

“Will this matter in a week?” Adding time shrinks the stakes. Many worries fade quickly.

TRY THIS
Ask the week question about your fear.

TIP 27

Use the "tomorrow you" view

Imagine how tomorrow you will look back at this worry. They will likely be relieved it is over.

TRY THIS
Write a note from tomorrow’s you.

TIP 28

Use the best-case question

“What if it goes well?” Balance your what-ifs with positive ones. Your mind needs both.

TRY THIS
Write one best-case what-if.

TIP 29

Do one small action now

Action reduces worry. Pack your bag, print your notes, call the venue. Small tasks feel like progress.

TRY THIS
Do one small action in five minutes.

TIP 30

Talk it through

Explain your what-then plan to a friend. Saying it aloud helps you spot gaps and feel prepared.

TRY THIS
Share your plan with someone you trust.

TIP 31

Use a mantra

“What then? I will handle it.” This sentence tells your brain you have a plan.

TRY THIS
Repeat it three times when worry starts.

TIP 32

Practise with small worries

Practise the habit on everyday worries first, like being late for the bus. It builds the skill for bigger ones.

TRY THIS
Use “what then?” on a small worry today.

TIP 33

Pair with breathing

Breathe out slowly between each what-if and what-then. Calm breath gives clarity.

TRY THIS
Breathe slowly as you write your plan.

TIP 34

Avoid asking for guarantees

Seeking certainty from others can increase doubt. Ask for support, not promises.

TRY THIS
Ask a friend, “Will you be there if it is tough?”

TIP 35

Accept a plan B

A plan B reduces pressure on plan A. Knowing you have an alternative is calming.

TRY THIS
Write a plan B for your event.

TIP 36

Check your preparation

If you can honestly say you have prepared enough, let that be enough. Over-preparing feeds the fear.

TRY THIS
Say, “I have prepared enough.”

TIP 37

Keep the plan visible

A note on your phone or desk reminds you of your what-thens. A visible plan is reassuring.

TRY THIS
Put your card where you can see it.

TIP 38

Celebrate each plan

Each time you turn a what-if into a plan, you strengthen your confidence. Notice it.

TRY THIS
Tell yourself, “I made a plan, that is progress.”

TIP 39

Review afterwards

After the event, note which what-ifs came true and how your plan worked. This builds evidence for next time.

TRY THIS
Write a short review after your event.

TIP 40

Use "what then" on good things too

Ask “what then?” about a success: if the talk goes well, then what? You may be invited to speak again. Following good outcomes as far as bad ones builds a fair picture of the future.

TRY THIS
Write one good what-if and follow it three steps forward.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

NOTICE

“My mind says what if.”

ASK

“What then would I do?”

PLAN

“I would take this step.”

CALM

“I can handle that.”

THANK

“Thanks for helping me think.”

CLOSE

“I have a plan now.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Catch the what-if

DAY 2
Ask what then

DAY 3
Write a step

DAY 4
Plan B

DAY 5
Breathe

DAY 6
Act

DAY 7
Review

Further reading

• Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers)
• The Upside of Stress (Kelly McGonigal)
• The 5 Second Rule (Mel Robbins)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.