Everyone Gets Nervous, Even the Best
Forty true stories and ideas showing that everyone gets nervous, even the best in the world.
Nerves are not a weakness reserved for you. They are part of being human, and of being excellent.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Quiet (Susan Cain), Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers), and the research of Thomas Gilovich on the spotlight effect, and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Nerves are a human default
If you feel nervous before something important, you are not broken. You are human. Nerves are the default setting for people who care about what happens next. Almost everyone feels them, even people who look calm. Nerves are normal, and you are in good company.
When nerves come, say to yourself, this is a human default. Look around the room and imagine that many others feel the same.
Barbra Streisand's long break
Barbra Streisand is one of the most famous singers in the world. Yet she once stepped away from live concerts for many years because of stage fright. Her story shows that even a great talent can feel strong fear. A slip is not the end, and you can come back.
Think of a slip or mistake that you still fear. Say, a slip does not end my story, and remember her return.
Adele talks about it openly
Adele is one of the biggest voices in modern music. She has also spoken in interviews about feeling stage fright and anxiety before shows. Her honesty is a gift to anyone who feels the same. Even stars say it out loud, and so can you.
Read or watch one honest interview in which a public figure talks about nerves. Notice how it makes you feel.
Laurence Olivier froze
Laurence Olivier is remembered as one of the greatest actors of the twentieth century. Yet he spoke about a period in his career when severe stage fright troubled him. It is a good story for anyone who thinks that fear belongs only to beginners. Even the best can freeze, and still shine.
Think of someone you admire who is very skilled. Tell yourself, they may feel nervous, too, and still do their best.
Warren Buffett and the course
Warren Buffett is one of the most successful investors in history. When he was young, he was so afraid of public speaking that he would feel sick at the thought of it. He did something about it, and you can too. Fear of speaking can be learned out of.
Look up a speaking club or class near you, or online. Attend one session, even if you only watch.
Carly Simon walked away
Carly Simon, the singer and songwriter, has spoken openly about stage fright that troubled her for years. Her story shows that fear can change our choices, and that we can find new ways forward. If the big step is too hard, take a smaller one.
Think of a situation you now avoid because of fear. Write a smaller version of it, such as a shorter time, a smaller group or a calmer place.
Nervous people are still capable
Feeling nervous does not mean you cannot do something. It is a feeling, and not a measure of your skills. Many capable people do excellent work while feeling nervous inside. Nervous and capable can live in the same person.
Take a sheet of paper and write three things you did well while nervous. Add a short line about how you felt and what you did.
Nerves and preparation go together
Nerves and preparation are often partners. The more you care about doing well, the more you may prepare, and the more nervous you may feel. This means that nerves can be a sign that you care. Nerves are a sign that you care.
When nerves come, ask, what do I care about here? Say, I am nervous because it matters.
The crowd is also nervous
When you stand in front of a group, it is easy to think that everyone is calm and you are the only one who is afraid. In truth, many people in the room are nervous too, though in different ways. The crowd is human, too.
Before you speak or arrive, look around the room. Imagine one worry behind several faces.
The interviewer is nervous too
It may be hard to believe, but the person interviewing you may feel nervous as well. They want to make a good choice, and they may not be a trained interviewer. Seeing this can bring the temperature down. They hope you are the right person.
Before the interview, say, they hope I am the right person. Greet them with a smile and their name.
The host is nervous too
When you go to someone’s home for dinner or a party, you may feel shy. But the person who invited you may also feel nervous. They hope the food is good, the guests get along and everyone feels welcome. Your host hopes you will have a good time.
Before you go, say to yourself, my host is nervous, too. When you arrive, give a warm word, such as, this is lovely, thank you.
The person you call is nervous too
Phone calls can be scary, especially when you have to call someone you do not know, such as a company, a doctor or a new boss. But the person on the other end may be nervous, too. A warm hello helps both of you.
Write down your name, the reason for your call and two key points. Take a slow breath, and open with a warm greeting and your name.
Experts get stage fright
Performance anxiety is common even among people who perform for a living, such as musicians, actors and speakers. If experts feel it, it is not a sign that you are not good enough. Experts feel it, and they have tools.
Spend five minutes reading about performance anxiety in musicians or athletes. Write down one idea that you could try.
Nerves do not show as much as you think
When you are nervous, it feels as if everyone can see it. Your face feels hot, your hands feel shaky and your voice feels thin. In fact, most of it is hidden from others. You feel it much more than others see it.
Before your next event, say, my nerves are hidden better than I fear. During the event, keep your attention on what you are saying, not on how you feel.
Share your nerves
Sometimes the best way to calm your nerves is to say them out loud. A simple, honest sentence can take away their power. You do not need to make a big speech about it. Say it once, lightly, and carry on.
Choose a low-stakes setting, such as a friendly group or a small meeting. Say one light sentence about your nerves, with a smile.
Ask others how they handle it
One of the best sources of ideas is the people around you. Many of them have found ways to manage nerves, and most will be glad to share. A simple question can open a door. Ask, and collect other people’s best tools.
Think of two people who handle pressure well. Ask each one, what do you do before big moments?
Look for the nervous newcomer
At almost every gathering, there is someone who looks unsure. They stand near the wall, check their phone or hold their drink with both hands. When you notice them, you have a wonderful chance. Say hello to the one who looks unsure.
At your next event, look for someone who seems unsure. Walk over, smile and say hello with your name.
History is full of nervous greats
Many people we admire from history struggled with nerves. They felt the fear, and they acted anyway. Their stories are a quiet support for anyone who feels the same. Greatness often begins with a shaky first step.
Pick one person you admire from history, sport or art. Read a short biography or article about their early struggles.
Comedians feel it too
Comedians look so relaxed on stage, but many of them say they feel nervous before they go on. Some feel sick, and some pace the room. Yet they walk out and make people laugh. Performers feel it, and they keep going.
Watch a video of a comedian or speaker recovering from a slip. Notice what they do in the first thirty seconds.
Pilots and surgeons have checklists
Pilots and surgeons work in situations where nerves could cause mistakes. So they use checklists, short lists of steps they follow every time. You can use a checklist, too. A short checklist keeps a nervous mind on track.
Think of a nerve-raising event coming up. Write a checklist of five short steps that help you feel ready.
Athletes use routines
Before a big serve, a penalty kick or a race, many athletes do the same small things in the same order. It might be bouncing a ball, adjusting a sleeve or taking a breath. These small routines are not superstition. They are a way to calm the mind and focus. A short routine turns nerves into focus.
Choose three or four small actions that help you feel ready. Put them in a fixed order, and practise them on calm days.
Nervous does not mean unprepared
Many people think, I feel nervous, so I must not be ready. This is a common mistake. Nerves and readiness are two different things. Prepared and nervous can both be true.
When nerves tell you that you are not ready, ask, what work have I done? Write down three things you have prepared.
Remember your own hero stories
You have your own hero stories. They are the times you did something hard, even though you were afraid. Most of us forget them, because we focus on the next challenge. You have done hard things before.
Write down three brave things you have done. For each, add one line about how you felt and what you did.
Compare yourself kindly
It is easy to look at other people and think they are calm, while you are a mess. But you are comparing your inside with their outside. That is not a fair comparison. Do not compare your inside with their outside.
When you compare, say, I see their outside and I feel my inside. Add, they probably have worries, too.
Tell an older friend
Older relatives and friends often have a wealth of stories about being nervous, and about growing through it. Asking them is a simple way to feel less alone. Ask for a story, and borrow some wisdom.
Choose an older friend or relative you like and trust. Ask, can you tell me about a time you were nervous?
Teachers feel it before class
Teachers stand in front of groups every day, yet many say they feel nervous before a new class or a new year. If they feel it, it is clearly normal. Even teachers get butterflies, and they plan a warm start.
Ask a teacher you know how they manage first days. Plan the first five minutes of your next event.
Parents feel it at school gates
At the school gates, many parents stand in small groups, and some stand alone. Some feel shy, even though they are adults and have been there for years. It shows that nerves around other people do not disappear with age. Many people at the gate are waiting for a hello.
Pick one person at the gate or event. Say hello and your name, and name your child.
Leaders feel it before speeches
Leaders, such as heads of companies and public figures, often give speeches. Many say they feel nervous before each one. The next time you see a leader speak, imagine their nerves. Leaders feel it, and lead anyway.
Choose a leader or speaker you admire. Watch one of their talks, and look for small signs of effort and care.
Nervous people can be great at connecting
Nervous people often have a hidden strength. They tend to notice others, to care about how people feel and to listen well. These are some of the best skills for connecting. Your sensitivity is a strength for connecting.
Write down one strength that your sensitivity gives you. Use it today, for example by listening closely to one person.
Normalise it in your language
The words you use about your nerves shape how you feel. Harsh words make them heavier, and gentle words make them lighter. You can choose words that make nerves normal. Gentle words make nerves lighter.
Listen for one harsh phrase you use about your nerves. Rewrite it in a true and kind way.
Nerves are not a character flaw
Some people believe that being nervous is a flaw in their character, like being lazy or rude. This belief hurts more than the nerves themselves. Nerves are a state, not a trait that defines who you are. Nerves are a state, not who you are.
Catch the phrase, I am a nervous person. Replace it with, I feel nervous sometimes, and I am learning.
Support groups help
Meeting others who share your struggle can be a great relief. In a support group, you can say, I feel this too, and hear a friendly voice answer, so do I. It is one of the quickest ways to feel less alone. You do not have to do it alone.
Search for a local or online group about anxiety, shyness or public speaking. Read about it and choose one to visit.
Remember children
Think of how you would comfort a nervous child. You would be gentle, patient and kind. You would not say, stop being silly. You deserve the same care from yourself. Speak to yourself as to a nervous child.
Picture a nervous child you love, or yourself as a child. Think of what you would say to them, and write it down.
Celebrate the nervous moments
When you do something that scares you, you deserve a celebration. It does not matter how it turned out. You did it. Celebrating the nervous moments teaches your brain that courage is good. Celebrate that you did it nervous.
Choose a small way to celebrate, such as a tick, a treat or a kind word. After each nervous moment, say, I did it nervous.
Do it nervous
You do not have to wait until you feel calm to begin. You can do it nervous. This is one of the most freeing ideas you can learn. You can act with nerves, and nerves will follow.
Choose one small action you have been waiting to do. Say, I will do it nervous, and count down from five.
Use humour about nerves
A little humour can take the sting out of nerves. When you can smile about your own jitters, they feel less heavy. It also helps other people relax. A kind smile about your nerves invites kindness back.
Think of one light, kind sentence about your nerves. Say it with a smile at the start of your next nervous moment.
Tell the truth to yourself
Being honest with yourself about your nerves is the first step to managing them. It is hard to deal with something you will not admit. You can say it silently, just once. Say it silently, and you can deal with it.
When you feel tension, stop and say silently, I feel nervous. Add, that is okay.
Keep a list of famous nervous people
A collection of stories can be a quiet support. Keep a list of famous people who have spoken about nerves. When you feel alone, you can look at it and remember that you are in good company. A list of nervous greats keeps you company.
Write down three names of people who felt nervous and did great things anyway. Add one line about each person’s story.
Know you are in the majority
Here is a simple fact. If you feel nervous in social and performance situations, you are in the majority. The people who never feel nervous are the unusual ones. You are in the majority, not the exception.
Say to yourself, I am in the majority. Look at a short, reliable source about how common anxiety is.
Choose to belong
You can choose to belong to a group of people who feel afraid and do brave things anyway. It is a very large and very kind group. You could call it the brave and nervous. You belong to the brave and nervous.
Say aloud, I belong to the brave and nervous. Name three people you know, or have read about, who are in this group.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“Even the best performers feel nervous.”
“I always get butterflies, how about you?”
“Their nerves mean they care, and so do mine.”
“How do you handle nerves before a talk?”
“I can perform and feel nervous.”
“It helps to know everyone feels this.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Read one story of a nervous star
Ask a friend about their nerves
Share your own nerves with someone
Write three famous nervous people
Watch a clip of a nervous speaker
Note how calm others look
Remind yourself before an event
Further reading
- Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Susan Jeffers)
- The Upside of Stress (Kelly McGonigal)
- The 5 Second Rule (Mel Robbins)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
Keep your place and keep growing
Create a free account to save your progress and pick up the next lesson where you stopped. No card needed.
Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Overcoming Nervousness”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Fear Rises, Peaks and FallsNext: Name Your Nerve Triggers →
- Nerves Are Energy in Disguise
- What Happens in Your Body When You Panic
- Fear Rises, Peaks and Falls
- Everyone Gets Nervous, Even the Best
- Name Your Nerve Triggers
- Nerves vs Real Danger
- Why Avoiding Makes It Worse
- The Long-Exhale Breath
- Five Slow Breaths Before Anything
- Shake It Out: Release Tension
- Cool Water, Calm Mind
- Ground Yourself With Your Five Senses
- Relax Your Jaw and Shoulders
- The Sixty-Second Reset
- Say "I Am Excited" Instead of "I Am Nervous"
- Replace What-If With What-Then
- The Worst-Case, Likely-Case Exercise
- Stop Predicting Failure
- A Calm Phrase to Repeat
- Picture It Going Well
- Plan for the Slip, Then Let It Go
- Write Your First Sentence Down
- Practise Out Loud, Not in Your Head
- The Ten-Minute Pre-Event Ritual
- Sleep, Water and Food Before Big Days
- Check Your Space and Tools
- Use a Cue Card, Not a Script
- Arrive Early and Settle In
- Before an Important Phone Call
- Before a Job Interview
- Before a Presentation
- Before Meeting Someone New
- Before a Hard Conversation
- Before Speaking in a Meeting
- Daily Habits That Lower Anxiety
- Move Your Body to Burn Off Nerves
- Limit Caffeine and Doom-Scrolling
- Keep a Courage Log
- Reward Yourself for Facing Fear
- When to Ask for Professional Help
