Meet the Friends of Friends
Twelve ways to meet the friends of your friends, and let them become yours.
Friends of friends are already half-trusted. Show up where they gather.
31 tips that really help
These ideas come from Platonic (Marisa Franco), Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Borrow trust from your friend
If your friend likes this person, the odds are good that you will too. Shared connections make first chats easier.
Ask your friend which friends you might get along with.
Go to the gathering
Birthday dinners, picnics and small parties put you in a room with many friends of friends. Say yes when you are invited.
Say yes to the next gathering.
Use your friend as an icebreaker
How do you know Sam? is a natural first question. Everyone has a story about how they met.
Ask this question at your next gathering.
Look for common interests
Ask what they enjoy outside work, such as hobbies, books or trips. Interests are the quickest route to rapport.
Ask about one hobby.
Be a good listener
Show curiosity and remember one detail. People feel warm toward those who listen well.
Remember one detail.
Swap contact details
A message the next day, such as lovely to meet you, keeps the thread alive. It also shows interest.
Ask for their number kindly.
Suggest a small plan
A coffee or a walk with them and your mutual friend is easy to accept. It builds the link in a comfortable setting.
Invite both for coffee.
Do not compete for your friend
Friendships can overlap without competing. Be generous with time and attention.
Welcome the new friend warmly.
Be warm in group settings
A friendly energy attracts people. Smile, greet everyone and include quiet people.
Greet each person by name.
Stay respectful
Do not gossip about your mutual friend or share private things. Trust grows from discretion.
Keep chats positive.
Ask your friend for context
Before the gathering, ask your friend about the people you will meet. Context gives you topics.
Ask two questions.
Remember the story of how they met
Asking how did you and Sam meet? starts a warm chat. Everyone loves telling it.
Prepare it.
Look for common ground
Shared friends are one link, interests are another. Find a second one.
Ask about hobbies.
Be the connector
Introduce two people who might click. Generosity builds your reputation.
Make an intro.
Compliment sincerely
A kind comment helps break the ice. Be genuine.
Offer one.
Offer to help
A hand with food or drinks gets you chatting. Be useful.
Help out.
Ask about their life
Work, hobbies and plans are safe topics. Show curiosity.
Ask three questions.
Share a funny story about your mutual friend
A kind anecdote bonds you quickly. Keep it respectful.
Choose one.
Plan a small group outing
A walk or a game night with friends of friends builds familiarity. Suggest one.
Propose a date.
Stay in touch
A message after the event keeps the thread. Send one.
Message within two days.
Invite them to your world
Include them in your events. Reciprocity builds friendship.
Invite one.
Respect their other friendships
Do not try to replace anyone. Be a new, friendly face.
Be inclusive.
Be patient
It may take several meetings to click. Keep going.
Plan a second meeting.
Notice who you enjoy
Pay attention to who makes you smile. Follow that.
Write names.
Use group chats
If your friend has a chat, join it. It keeps contact easy.
Ask to join.
Attend regular gatherings
Monthly dinners or game nights build familiarity. Say yes.
Mark one.
Share resources
Recommend books, shows and tips. Generosity builds bonds.
Share one.
Be kind to everyone
Treat all guests warmly. You never know who will click.
Smile and greet.
Ask your friend for feedback
Ask whether they think you would get along with someone. They know.
Ask them.
Celebrate new friends
Mark the moment a friend of a friend becomes yours. Enjoy.
Send a note.
Pass it forward
Introduce them to people in your circle. Keep the network growing.
Connect two.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“You must be Jo, I have heard so much about you.”
“How do you know Sam?”
“Sam and I have been friends for years.”
“We should do something together sometime.”
“It was great meeting you.”
“Shall we swap numbers?”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Ask a friend about their circle
Attend a friend’s gathering
Chat with one friend of a friend
Find a shared interest
Swap contacts
Plan a small meet-up
Include them in your plans
Further reading
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Meet New People”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Reconnect With Old Friends FirstNext: Go Where Your Friends Go →
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- Celebrate Each Small Connection
- Your Meeting-People Plan
